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Colorado B.S. Thread

Discussion in 'Colorado' started by Kappes03, Jan 1, 2011.

  1. Jun 6, 2011 at 2:16 PM
    #3561
    Derpalicious

    Derpalicious 'Merica

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    Give it the Gusto!!!!
    yup it was nick, honestly i couldn't blame him though, we were all bullshitting and he was messing with his auto lockers i think. And just rolled backwards, oh well shit happens.. As I told him, we were 4 wheeling, and thats what I bought the vehicle for, so im not upset about it. It was more funny than anything really.
     
  2. Jun 6, 2011 at 2:33 PM
    #3562
    Kappes03

    Kappes03 [OP] Legend of the UG

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    Colorado
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    I have the video of us singing around the fire. Can't see shit but you can hear Jared flexing the golden pipes
     
  3. Jun 6, 2011 at 2:42 PM
    #3563
    Derpalicious

    Derpalicious 'Merica

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    Give it the Gusto!!!!
    Can you hear Devin playing the skin flute?
     
  4. Jun 6, 2011 at 2:44 PM
    #3564
    NYCO

    NYCO go explore...

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    Colorado
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    dents & scratches
    funny story i got in an email...

    Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.
    A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:

    Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer.

    The effects of the Tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety...??

    WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home... I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

    AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

    Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?

    There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.

    I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.

    Am I wrong?

    So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Tazer in another.

    The directions said that:
    A one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant;

    A two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and

    A three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.

    Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.
    All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'

    What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.

    I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side so as to say, ' Don 't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it.

    I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and...

    HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. WHAT THE... !!!

    I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs! The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

    Note:
    If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Tazer,
    One note of caution:

    There is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor!
    A three second burst would be considered conservative!

    A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.


    My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.
    The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was.
    My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching.
    My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.
    I had no control over the drooling.
    Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of smell was gone.
    I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came from my hair.
    I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!

    PS: My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it!

    If you think education is difficult, try being stupid!!!!
     
  5. Jun 6, 2011 at 2:53 PM
    #3565
    Hoyal

    Hoyal Whiskey bent and hell bound.

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    Devin
    N 39.2249 W -106.16974
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    2013 Tundra
    Big tires, big lift, Lots of stuff's.
    Roystons truck is black...
     
  6. Jun 6, 2011 at 2:54 PM
    #3566
    Derpalicious

    Derpalicious 'Merica

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    co springs
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    95 4Runner ridin sexy like
    Give it the Gusto!!!!
    lol.. nice!


    oh ya forgot.. i meant black, i got garys old truck stuck in my head for some reason :p
     
  7. Jun 6, 2011 at 2:58 PM
    #3567
    Hoyal

    Hoyal Whiskey bent and hell bound.

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    N 39.2249 W -106.16974
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    Big tires, big lift, Lots of stuff's.
    I win!! I was taking an epic nap until someone called me for the vin number on there dirt bike!!
     
  8. Jun 6, 2011 at 3:00 PM
    #3568
    Derpalicious

    Derpalicious 'Merica

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    co springs
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    95 4Runner ridin sexy like
    Give it the Gusto!!!!
    whats that over?
     
  9. Jun 6, 2011 at 3:01 PM
    #3569
    Hoyal

    Hoyal Whiskey bent and hell bound.

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    N 39.2249 W -106.16974
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    Big tires, big lift, Lots of stuff's.
    I have my friend Jens dirt bike right now but she called because she is registering it for OHV tags.
     
  10. Jun 6, 2011 at 3:10 PM
    #3570
    Derpalicious

    Derpalicious 'Merica

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    Give it the Gusto!!!!
    oh shit ya.. you were telling us about that.. hell ya man!!!!!!!
     
  11. Jun 6, 2011 at 3:13 PM
    #3571
    Hoyal

    Hoyal Whiskey bent and hell bound.

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    N 39.2249 W -106.16974
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    Big tires, big lift, Lots of stuff's.
    No hell ya I was deep in my nap now I have to get up and do laundry!
     
  12. Jun 6, 2011 at 3:16 PM
    #3572
    NYCO

    NYCO go explore...

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    Colorado
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    dents & scratches
  13. Jun 6, 2011 at 4:44 PM
    #3573
    T-Rex266

    T-Rex266 SpaceX Director Moderator

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    Screw that. I just woke up from a 1.5hr nap
     
  14. Jun 6, 2011 at 5:37 PM
    #3574
    T-Rex266

    T-Rex266 SpaceX Director Moderator

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    Well, looks like I blew my sub out when camping lol. Anyone know of this would be covered under the extended warranty?
    41k miles
     
  15. Jun 6, 2011 at 5:39 PM
    #3575
    BigRedToy

    BigRedToy ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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  16. Jun 6, 2011 at 5:46 PM
    #3576
    ffblaze911

    ffblaze911 Well-Known Member

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    I think it should be covered if you have the extended warranty.
     
  17. Jun 6, 2011 at 5:47 PM
    #3577
    T-Rex266

    T-Rex266 SpaceX Director Moderator

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    Ya I bought their damn warranty. I'll call tomorrow
     
  18. Jun 6, 2011 at 6:31 PM
    #3578
    Hoyal

    Hoyal Whiskey bent and hell bound.

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    N 39.2249 W -106.16974
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    Big tires, big lift, Lots of stuff's.
    You blew your sub you only played music for a few hours. I played for a few days!! Until my shit went dead when we got to smashed to get up and start the truck haha.
     
  19. Jun 6, 2011 at 6:48 PM
    #3579
    T-Rex266

    T-Rex266 SpaceX Director Moderator

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    haha Im pretty sure I blew it when showing off the stock shit sub:cool: dammit!:mad:
     
  20. Jun 6, 2011 at 6:51 PM
    #3580
    Kappes03

    Kappes03 [OP] Legend of the UG

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    You blow the sub or the door speaker? Cuz that sounded like shit too haha
     

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