Houston area (along with DB's not from Houston) BS thread

357sig · Aug 28, 2015

greeneggsnspam said: ↑

What are you going to do, tow it behind your Taco?
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We ride together, we die together!

357sig · Aug 28, 2015

Figured ls swap!

greeneggsnspam · Aug 28, 2015

TL;DR
Guy buys a taser and then tazes himself. Wife uses it as incentive.

Arkansas30 · Aug 28, 2015

357sig said: ↑

Nice weather to be driving a jeep.....
http://houston.craigslist.org/cto/5194249932.html
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Not a bad but would offer lil less.

greeneggsnspam · Aug 28, 2015

scottalot said: ↑

E-mails from an Asshole
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I just keep getting linked to you.

loco usmc · Aug 28, 2015

scottalot said: ↑

E-mails from an Asshole
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lmao

YodaTruck · Aug 28, 2015

I want to pass this along to the local Houston group before I post this anywhere else ....
I have Tacoma seats OEM 60/40 split seats and a set of 15" rims up for sale (I'll throw in a spare steele rim as well)
I am having to free up some space in the garage so I am open to any reason offers to take them.
PM me should you want more details or pictures of these items.
Thanks

weldertaco · Aug 28, 2015

scottalot said: ↑

A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife, Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!!

Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat, Gracie, looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.

Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5' long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...?

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, 'don't do it, dipshit,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . . .HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE HELL!!!

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles no where to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs?

The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an atempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative?

SON-OF-A-BITCH, THAT HURT LIKE HELL!!!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling. Apparently I shit myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!!

P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!
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made my day! Thank you for the awesome read!

greeneggsnspam · Aug 28, 2015

@Stalker , you're looking for a new job. Right?

https://chicago.craigslist.org/chc/tlg/5188443833.html

MJS · Aug 28, 2015

greeneggsnspam said: ↑

@Stalker , you're looking for a new job. Right?

https://chicago.craigslist.org/chc/tlg/5188443833.html
Click to expand...

Lol

Stalker · Aug 28, 2015

greeneggsnspam said: ↑

@Stalker , you're looking for a new job. Right?

https://chicago.craigslist.org/chc/tlg/5188443833.html
Click to expand...

YES!!!
aw wait..
"No cat allergies" god dammit!

there goes my dream job..

Stalker · Aug 28, 2015

I killed the thread!

Lurkin · Aug 28, 2015

Stalker said: ↑

I killed the thread!
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You may be a bit frail, so you say, but you have the power to kill HBS !! Must respect!

greeneggsnspam · Aug 28, 2015

Yup.

Stalker · Aug 28, 2015

Lurkin said: ↑

You may be a bit frail, so you say, but you have the power to kill HBS !! Must respect!
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fear my skillz!

greeneggsnspam · Aug 28, 2015

Stalker said: ↑

fear my skillz!
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I don't know if that's a skill to be proud of.

MJS · Aug 28, 2015

TashcomerTexas · Aug 28, 2015

scottalot said: ↑

E-mails from an Asshole
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Andddd there goes the rest of my shift. I'll be on this site.

13SilverStreakTRD · Aug 28, 2015

Stalker said: ↑

fear my skillz!
Click to expand...

greeneggsnspam said: ↑

I don't know if that's a skill to be proud of.
Click to expand...

MJS · Aug 28, 2015

If anyone uses Mobil 1, AutoZone has a sale on a 5qt jug plus a Mobil 1 filter for 33.99 right now

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#87681
357sig Donut king

#87682
357sig Donut king

#87683
greeneggsnspam ಠ_ಠ

#87684
Arkansas30 Well-Known Member

#87685
greeneggsnspam ಠ_ಠ

#87686
loco usmc Well-Known Member

#87687
YodaTruck The force be strong in this one

#87688
weldertaco Mr.13%bodyfat

#87689
greeneggsnspam ಠ_ಠ

#87690
MJS Well-Known Member

#87691
Stalker Go where regrets can't follow.

#87692
Stalker Go where regrets can't follow.

#87693
Lurkin Well-Known Member

#87694
greeneggsnspam ಠ_ಠ

#87695
Stalker Go where regrets can't follow.

#87696
greeneggsnspam ಠ_ಠ

#87697
MJS Well-Known Member

#87698
TashcomerTexas My truck is a whiner

#87699
13SilverStreakTRD Insane but Functional

#87700
MJS Well-Known Member

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