Joke of the Day

Q: What do Ronda Rousey and most men have in common??







A: They both finish in under a minute

 

Did you hear that they had to suspend play in the Leper Hockey Game?

There was a face off in the corner.


(I wonder if I should cross joke this on the Hockey BS thread?)

 

A husband goes to the Police Station.

Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home.

Sergeant: What is her height?

Husband: Gee, I’m not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sergeant: Weight?

Husband: Don’t know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sergeant: Color of eyes?

Husband: Never noticed.

Sergeant: Color of hair?

Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown.

Sergeant: What was she wearing?

Husband: Could have been a skirt or shorts. I don’t remember exactly.

Sergeant: What kind of car did she go in?

Husband: She went in my truck.

Sergeant: What kind of truck was it?

Husband: Brand new Toyota Tacoma, double cab, long bed, magnetic gray and TRD package, ordered with manual transmission. 32" LED light bar. Homertaco grill. It also has custom leather seats, weathertech mats. Fox suspension, Added special alloy wheels and off-road Nitto tires. Wife put a small scratch on the drivers door. At this point the husband started choking up.

Sergeant: Don’t worry buddy. We’ll find your truck.

Husband: Thank you, Thank you.

 

How do you think the unthinkable?

With an ithberg

 

That truck joke was good! LMAO!

 

A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and was on the verge of being burned out. Hoping to try another career where
skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to change careers and become a mechanic. He found out from the local technical college what was involved, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could.

When the time for the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill. When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%. Fearing an error, he called the instructor, saying "I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wondered if there had been an error which needed adjusting."

The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark." The instructor went on to say," I gave you an extra 50% because you did all
of it through the muffler."

 

What's the difference between Guts and Balls???


Guts: Drinking all night with the boys, going home drunk and have the wife greet you at the door with a broom in her hand and you asking her "You cleaning the house or getting ready to go for a ride"

Balls: Drinking all night at the bar, going home drunk smelling of booze, a woman's perfume with her lipstick on your collar and face, walking into your house and walking up to the wife and patting on the ass and telling her "Your next chubby"!!!!