***Stupid customer statements/questions***

I am a low level guy at a medical/scientific device manufacturer, so I usually get assigned dealing with tech questions that are a bit over the heads of Customer Service but not worth bothering any senior guys about. I am constantly astonished by the questions that graduate students/professional scientists ask about the machines.

"Could we just run it off a battery? We don't have that many plugs in the lab." - PHd asking about a machine which pulls > 1400 watts and is larger than a mini-fridge

"Can the machine receive faxes?" Just...no

"We have to purchase materials? The machine cost thousands!" - Scientist who somehow talked someone into spending $50k on an instrument without reading even the first page of the brochure. The materials required are the only place we make our money, and they cost $200 or more per use...they didn't keep the machine for very long.

The list is almost endless and I can hardly imagine what the poor customer service people deal with; considering they think these questions are worthy of passing off to an engineer.

 

Had a customer the other day tell me that she saw me a week ago at work but i was in the back and would't look up. I showed her my hands and said "see that"........... all 10 fingers is why I do not look up.

 

College bound high school seniors today...

"isn't squaring a number the same as doubling it?"

Another

"isn't the y in my name silent?"

"no." -me

"but there's no 'wah' sound in it."

"that's because it's not a w." -me

 

Hahaha i give the same response and get my class to cheer the student on as they head to the restroom.... "you can do it!"

 

I notice a lot of customers do this when they are paying for their stuff. They take their card out of the wallet and hand them to me to swipe. Then they put away their wallet. Then I swipe the card and return the card after one or two seconds. Then the customer takes out the wallet to put the card back in. Why not just keep the wallet open for two extra seconds?

 

*Working in delii*
Customer: "Hi can I have (whichever turkey)?"
Me: "Sure!" *turns around to get it, then turns back around* "I'm sorry ma'am, did you say the 'low sodium' or 'no salt added' turkey?"
Customer: "Oh, it's the same thing sweetie"

Like, no it's not. On the NSA it even says "Not A Sodium Free Food". You don't have to take chemistry in high school to know it's not the same thing

 

What gets me are the people who seem like every time they use a card is the first time. It seems to happen most at gas stations:

*insert card*

*10 second blank stare reading each word on screen*

*selects credit*

*another 10 second blank stare while reading very carefully*

*enters zip code*

I don't know if its just me, but I enter my information way faster. It's as if they a.r.e. r.e.a.d.i.n.g. e.a.c.h. l.e.t.t.e.r. v.e.r.y. c.a.r.e.f.u.l.l.y.

 

I went by Pep Boys today to get oil filters for the GTO and the Tacoma, as they are both due (I like Purolator PureOne filters). They didn't have the book by the filters to look up part #'s, so I had to go to the desk. I used to work in auto, so I feel for the workers when they deal with stuff like this. This was the customer in front of me:

Customer: I need some brake pads

Worker: Ok, whats the year, make and model?

Customer: It's a Toyota, probably like a 2007 or so.

Worker:...do you not know what year it is?

Customer: I dunno, but around a 2007 so use that.

Worker: uhm, ok...they might be wrong though.

Customer: That's fine, just use 2007.

Worker: k...what model?

Customer: a 4 door.

Worker: 4 door what? Camry, Corolla...?

Customer: just go with Camry that's probably right.


This went on for a bit, for multiple parts. You could feel the kid's anger as he knew this guy would be back shortly throwing a fit that nothing worked on his car.

There was an open terminal, so I just used their system and found the parts I needed. The kid asked if he could help and I just said "no, I got it, thanks." The customer looked at me like I was some sort of sentient alien being for being able to operate the computer.

 

Been out of retail for many years but here are a few I can rememeber.

Supermarket: Customer "The sign said this was $4 not $8."
Me: " Ok I'll do a price check and verify the sign". So I went and did that. I return. "This item comes in two quantities you picked the the larger quantity another customer probably put it back in the wrong place since they are right next to each other."
Customer "Well you still need to honor the price then. "

When I worked as retail manager in shoes:
"Why don't these come with free shoes trees "xxxxxx" used to give me free shoe trees"
My employee: "I was wondering why he got fired"
Customer - look of guilt on his face.

"These shoes have a lifetime warranty why are the soles are wearing out".

 

My last name is always mispronounced by vendors, then they ask if they said it correctly. My last name is four letters long, and you just have to read it, no special pronunciation of any kind.

I sometimes correct them, then they usually reply "Oh, well I am not good with foreign names"... I am always thinking to myself, "Unless your name is running bear or some shit, then you probably have a foreign name too".

 

You sparked my interest. What is your "foreign" last name?

 

I was on a date once and asked for Ranch dressing on a Ceasar salad because I didn't know that Ceasar dressing came on it. The waiter gave me one of those "Are Effin with me stares" and then in his politest tone told told of my mistake.

 

Me(employer): Sir I called you in because of your repeated tardiness.

Employee: I am salary......

Me: Yes but you need to respect the work hours. You are not being productive and your quota is not being met.

Employee: You said I would get a raise after 1 year.

Me: There is no salvaging this. You are terminated.

Employee: I am going to the unemployment office. I have worked here for over 6 months and my raise better be part of my unemployment check.

Me: Taking blood pressure medication and wondering if the Attorney General warnings for alcohol consumption during pregnancy came as a results of turds born like this

 

Q. Why do I have to add water to my pool... no one uses it.
A. Evaporation, simple science ma'am
After inspecting a valve and equipment I did not install, but is now not working because of an undetermined air leak and u have to fix.
I find that 2 bolts are missing from the valve (granted they are in a shitty location.
I tell the customer and us question to me is.... well why?

 

It's Jorg. It was even shortened by my parents. It was 15 letter long originally, I guess they got tired of repeating it over the phone.

 

Simple and straight forward. I am sure you were happy as a kid not having to worry about writing out the other 11 letters over and over.

 

Is the J silent?

 

I work in a small town auto parts store. I get people weekly asking for a certain part for "my car" I simply tell them I do not have a listing for a my car.

 

Oooh... it's one of you people! haha