Sobriety.... One year later... Please Read.

P.S. Saw PearJam on Halloween night of 1992 at Berkely Amphitheatre. Henry Rollins Band opened for them.. Was crowd surfing when I was thrown and people that caught me only caught the lower end of my body so I went straight to the ground head-first. My head hit the pavement inches away from where they had cardboard padding for these types of incidents. Took ambulance ride to Hospital that night for stitches in my head.. Awesome memory

 

Thank you!

For me it wasn't so much ego. I knew when I hit rock bottom it was over. I "gradually" told everyone because being in the position that I hold I had to release information in a time sanctioned manner. I'm not sorry that I did it that way.

I will forever feel guilty about how I handled things in the past but I can not change the past. I came out the other side as a better all around person. I'm not perfect by any means but my perspective has definitely changed. I would say that I'm sorry for what happened that day and I am. But I'm glad that day happened.

It's not the mistakes that you make... It's how you recover from them.

I've seen them many times. PJ 10 was the very first CD I ever purchased and I didn't even own a CD player at the time. I've liked most everything they have ever released.

 

Very inspirational, thanks for sharing.

I drank for a long time but never for a "reason"..Tuesday because it was dart night, Friday because it was Friday, Saturday because it was Saturday, and one other day somewhere in the week because I could.

Cost me a lot of relationships, such as a long time girlfriend. In total honesty we had other issues but I didn't help.

At 28 I cracked up my car and lost my license..and the parents told me to GTFO. Haven't gone back since..fortunately my parents relented on kicking me out only because I was doing something about it.

12 years and most of all, one day.

Right now it would be tougher to go back then it is to stay on the path..

 

Lot of truth in that statement.

 

Thanks OP. I was starting to wonder if I was the only wheeler who doesn't partake. No PTSD, clean and sober 24+ years. My current obsession is all the stuff I want to do to my '15 ac/or. Like everything else in my life, truck mods are a day at a time.

 

Nah... there are plenty on here that don't. Grats on 24 brother!

 

I really like reading the thread, went through a divorce last year but I'm usually a very postive person, I caught myself drinking more than I used to for no reason lately! When I was married there were time where I didn't drink a drop for 6 month in a row...I hope it doesn't become a habit and I don't drink to forget...
It's not like I drink until I can't function anymore (that's not the case) but it's more on the line of "I need my 5 beers on the couch tonigh" which is very unlike me...

 

It takes a man with courage & reflection to make that post.

I have known for many years that the military PTSD was real because I lived it as well as my grandfather (he was a message runner in the trenches in WW1 on the Argonne Front in France was mustard gassed and shot and left for dead). He was never the same as I grew up with him all my life and he had a quiet & productive life too. Years later, I was medevaced back with from RVN (later diagnosed with PTSD in addition to my injuries) and never knew I had it or what it was for a long time.

LEOs, Firefighters, EMS & Paramedics are basically a "quasi-civilian-military" and subject to the some of the same stresses & situations as combat veterans.

I have worked with mainly combat veterans as a volunteer for many years ... to help them get their benefits from the VA & DoD. PTSD veterans are always getting screwed over by DoD and the VA and because they become ambivalent about the benefits, they miss many filing deadlines and need to be helped a lot more than others.

Many different ways to cope with and treat PTSD and my best treatment (after trying many years) was meds, therapy and rescripting & compartmentalizing (changing the ending & pretending it never happened). Basically, I am kinda reading a book about some bad things that happened to another person (not me).

You have to find what works best for you and I wish you the very best life has to offer.

And to those who don't believe in PTSD or think that is not real ... well, I just feel sorry for you ... that is all I can say.

OP ... the best to you my friend, your family and friends ... and take it a day at a time ... and try to look at life in "color and 3d" ... stop, look, smell, taste and take in a great day ... and and when you have one and remember that day as your "base line" for the future.

After many years ... I now really know myself (deep inside) and am the happiest that I have ever been. And very few things bother me or cause me fear, even death.

The best to you my friend ... SOS

PS ... My main trigger was my wife getting killed in a flash flood many years ago with me surviving and my life turned upside down.

FYI, my quotes in my below signature stem from my PTSD and life's experiences.

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Thank you my friend for the very informative post. As you said... it is one day at a time. I look at my life as two very different timelines. I view my life as a book and with that there were a couple of very dark chapters. The further I get away from those chapters the more perspective I've gained and and see things much more clearly now. As ashamed as I am of what happened I'm glad it happened.

 

Thanks for posting this thread!
And thanks for the work you do, I have been "rescued" 2x by the Fire Dept. after bad motorcycle wrecks, and you guys do make a HUGE difference!
I hope knowing the service you do for us, can help you sleep a little better!
I also have PTSD...

 

Thank you for the kind words

 

Everytime this thread pops up. I see some new posts etc. I feel bad for you all that are dealing with different hardships, be it the loss of a loved one or battling something mentally. I hope some how it gets better.

I also think of writing a little about me, but it's too much and I don't know where to start. Suffering is no fun, I've found most don't understand, so it drives them away. You get labeled.. It's not like you've chose it, but you're stuck with it, bc it seems to never go away. Talking about things (at least to me) seems to stoke a fire I don't want burning. Plus most never understand anyway so you've opened up another can of worms, someone else can judge you now.

It can take away you, you become someone you don't even want to be. Not wanting to be around or meet new people, bc they always seem to catch a drift of something they're not used to. I believe that having "true" geniune people that aren't judgemental and allow for a healing to occur would be ideal. But seems to me those type are hard to find in this world, bc this world s too caught up with what's going on in Hollywood and fake ass corrupt governments and believe the lies they're fed.

My dream as a Vet. I would like to have some organization of trust worthy people outside the confines of corrupt organizations puppeted and controlled by the untrustworthy gov. It'd be nice to have nice pieces of property through out the country where people could go and get help started on the path to healing and meet good positive connections for help in all different areas in their lives. There is so much wealth (knowledge and financial) held by some, it's not impossible, but it would take a big collective action from a lot to make it happen. It could be places where you can go and get away, learn new things, trades, connect with nature etc. Sad thing is the money wasted on big pharma for garbage that doesn't even help a lot of people, could go towards something better and cleaner.
Just a thought on my dream, I wish I could make it happen to help a lot of people, not just Vets, but hopefully if all went well, what was learned could be taught to help even more.

 

Sorry it took me so long to get back to this post. I understand where you're coming from with this. I worried about this also while I took off for a few months from work. I didn't want to be perceived as weak or unable to do my job. Being in my line of work that was a huge concern to me. I used to worry about what others would think about me. Hell... it took me over a year before I felt "comfortable" enough to put up this post. But, what I've found is people tend to be more receptive than you might think. I've got to the age that I really don't care what people think about me. I went through what I went through and nothing can change that. I wish that I would have had someone there that could have seen the warning signs and stepped in and intervened but at that time I'm not sure it would have helped. Unfortunately I did it the wrong way but it was the way it had to go.

Talking about it has been the one thing that has been therapeutic to me. Not a day goes buy that I don't regret the things that I did or how I handled them but I can not change what happened. I've learned to live with that and have come to a better understanding of why they happened and how I let it get that far. That doesn't excuse my actions in any way but in the end it has made me a better person than I was. For that I am grateful.

I agree with you that a strong support system is exactly what you need. Anyone that has dealt with this understands completely. Anyone that hasn't probably thinks like I used to. That is a shame because you are correct... there is a stigma surrounding PTSD and depression. But it is real and it has extremely damaging effects not only to you but to those around you.

If you ever feel the need to talk, vent, whatever just shoot me a PM. I'm always just a keyboard away.

Take care brother

 

I too am sober and I am glad you found the easier way before things were irreversible. A Toyota Tacoma (2011) saved my life as I was out drinking taking Xanax and passed out driving my taco home. I fell sound asleep and smashed into a huge tree at 3 in the morning going out 55mph. If I was in anything smaller I would have died. These trucks saved my life and that is why I bought another.

First truck was 2011 Tacoma TRD sport prerunner

Truck I have now is 2008 Tacoma prerunner

I am glad I am sober today and that I was able to survive that accident

 

Damn man. That is a hell of a wreck. I've seen many people killed in much less than that. Looking back that could have very easily been me had I been successful in grabbing the steering wheel of my truck while my wife was driving me home that night. I was under the influence of the same concoction you were with percocet involved also. Deadly combination to say the least. I could have very easily orphaned my daughter (and impacted countless other lives) that night if I had been successful. That was my rock bottom and by the looks of it, was yours also.

That night was my darkest day. I'm ashamed that I ever let it get that far but I've gained a lot of perspective since then. I'm on 3 years now and have not had the desire to drink since that night.

I wish you continued success brother. If you ever feel the need to talk I'm a PM away.

 

@tcBob

 

Thanks for the post, Proud you have been able to stay sober for 3 yrs. now! Looks like he had different plans for your life!

 

Thank you

 

Glad to see many of you in the right direction.

While the wife and I have never personally had these issues, her family is rife with it, mostly alcohol. And yes, their actions affect those they love.

In the last 6 months she has begun attending an Al Anon group, and it's been very helpful to her. I can see the changes in her behavior as she deals with the alcoholics in her family (primarily her mid 40s son now) and it's much less stressful on her. Therefore my life is improved too, because my wife is more emotionally stable as well.

Another example. A neighbor has been sober for close to 30 years. She attends AA weekly, even now. And her husband attends Al Anon. So the process doesn't end, it just changes.

So those of you reading this thread who are impacted by the addicted around you, I highly recommend a support program like Al Anon, and if you are the problem get yourself into AA or an equivalent program............

 

I agree. AA is a great (free) program that helps many people. I went for a while but in the end it wasn't for me. I could get to the first step, admitting I'm a alcoholic, but I couldn't get to the rest of the steps. I ended up facing my issues head on for myself and my family. That said... anyone dealing with this I still highly recommend AA to anyone.