1st Gen Lunchtable Thread - General Discussion

Lol

 

I think we need more attractive TSA agents, male or female. They should have to dispense fashion advice or something during the patdown. Make them more than just security theatre.

 

I hear if you dont say "hello" to the guy at the front of the line, he radios back and makes sure they search your bunghole.

 

You think they'd search more or let me continue on if I opened with "oooh search me daddy"

 

Oh I'm so not saying hello after eating taco Bell or any other shit Mexican food

 

I swear you licked that wand thing seductively didn't you

 

"Sir, please step on the yellow footprints" Then a latex glove snaps in the background.

 

Not after big hand Bertha comes with the glove trple extra large

 

Then you best hope you're not allergic to latex, cause they're going on a search mission

 

Just checked my Uber bill, that was the cheapest airport ride ever. $11 from house to terminal.

 

We're going in deep boy, we's going to touch your tonsils

 

I feel like at that point I'm obligated to pitch em a $20 for service like that

 

Ah crap, I just remembered I left my Adderall in my Ford Fiesta, guess I have a Ford Focus now :/

 

...........no

 

Yeah, I'm not buying another Ford. Already had an exploder

 

That's not what I meant. That awful pun your a terrorist to comedy

 

Puns are always a comedy cemetary anyway

 

...........

 

Okay how bout this one then

One day a horse and a hen are playing in a field. The horse gets stuck in a puddle of mud, and starts to sink. The hen is frantically searching for anything to help her friend, so she decides to go back to the barn. There, she grabs the keys to the farmer’s Mercedes and drives to where the horse is stuck. She throws a rope around the horse’s neck, and slams on the accelerator, saving the horse from sinking in the puddle.

A few days go by and they are playing in the field again. This time, the hen gets stuck.

Hen: “Help, go get the car like I did for you and help me out!”

The horse, realizing there isn’t much time since the hen is much smaller than he, stretches out over the length of the puddle.

Horse: Reach up and grab hold of my ‘thing’.

The hen obliges, and the horse starts to stand straight up to pull his friend out of the puddle.

The moral of this story is: If you’re hung like a horse, then you don’t need a Mercedes to pick up chicks.

 

You earned a chuckle lol