Advice, please! (long read)

Oh shit. Not that bad.

 

Yeah thought not.

 

cant believe how many people are trying to keep them together..You know even if you guys do get back together, it will never be the same..Cut the umbilical cord and go find yourself a new woman. HAMMERDOWN

 

well, i've thought about things and some of the advice i've gotten and read other places. I'm going to give her and I some space for a while and see hot things pan out. I'll try and meet/date some new girls not necessarily looking to end up in serious relationships. If my feelings persist and things lead to our being together again after some time then that'd probably be great too. either way, i'll end up meeting some new people, have time to hang out with friends and doing things i like and find out what I really want and whether we were really right for eachother.

 

Talk to her, yes... if the conversation ends with lets stay apart for awhile then get out there and date. She might see how easy she is to replace. Most people don't what they are missing till it's gone. I know how cliche but it's true.
My ex has been kicking herself in the ass for years. Too bad too sad, her loss my gain..
Have fun playing the field. Your young, there are a lot of women out there. If not in your town then I say move.. to Phoenix or somewhere with a high count of girls.

 

I agree. Except I'm going to college now so moving anywhere isnt going to be happening any time soon, and don't handle high heat very well. Past about 85* I get VERY uncomfortable. I'd say thats due to growing up in a town on the ocean where temperatures rarely hit 75 in the summer unless I travel up the river. I do like what the warmer climates can do for scoping out the ladies though. haha.

 

I'm no relationship expert... but I let me ask... how much do you think you've changed since the relationship ended? probably a lot... now think about who you will be a year from now? This new perspective you have is a healthy one, and before you run out and start into another relationship, or try to rekindle olds ones, I would dig into your own heart and truly find out who you are, its a journey that we are all on, it just times like this that we really progress. So often in relationships we alter who we are to become exactly what the other person wants, when people go from relationship to relationship they can spend years of their life without a true grasp of themselves, if you really want to do some soul searching check out the book "wild at heart." times like this suck, but its by going through the fire that refines us. take care bro

-scott

 

strong words and advice. thanks.

 

Everybody needs someone to take a steaming emotional dump on their chest. It forces you to grow as a person. It's tough to stay in a long term committed relationship at this stage since you're both still changing a lot and growing into the adults you eventually will be. You're not going to be the same couple you were at 16 or 18. It sucks but it happens. It's sheer dumb luck to grow with someone. I've had plenty of girlfriends who were great for the first few months. One of them became a stage 5 clinger, one of them became an out of control party girl, I've changed and become an overly comfortable introvert totally absorbed in the relationship instead of the indepedent outgoing guy that she was orginally attracted too. I knew what qualities were a total deal breaker and what I did to drive her away. The first girl I really fell for was the worst. The break-up was a trainwreck until I came to this realization. I didn't want her back, I wanted the girl she was back, I wanted the relationship back, I wanted the guy I was when we were together back. When I came to the conclusion that we weren't the same people anymore it was the closure I needed. She actually looked me up on Facebook a couple months back after years and we caught up. We had nothing in common. She's still a college party girl and I'm career minded, married, and practical.

I've been for a year now and we realize we're definitely young. But being in the military it's fairly commonplace and we both went into it with level heads (not with our heads in the clouds). I can say from our experience, that we're best friends, we act the same when we're with our own groups of friends. When I'm hanging out with the guys she's not surprised and fits right in. When she's hanging out with her friends I know what to expect and don't feel out of place at all. We're also not influenced or distracted by our friends. It helps being on the other side of the country and only seeing them every couple months but we're growing with each other, not our separate groups of friends.

Let her go, look for a girl that's right for you. If she happens to turn into that girl again then by all means approach it like you would any other new relationship and get to know that girl all over again. Hell, I do that in my marriage some times. You're not in a romance movie, pouring your heart out to her when you trick her into meeting up where you had your first kiss and "your song" is playing on a boombox in the bushes will just make her think you're creepy. Get to know yourself and move on.

EDIT: Yea pretty much what sge1414 said.

 

thank you for this. Best post yet IMO(no offense to any other poster). This makes complete sense.

 

Glad I could help

 

Life is full of surprises, some are really great, some are sadly not. With youth on your side time heals most things concerning the heart. Will you ever stop missing her, probably yes, will you ever forget her, probably no. Should you move on, absolutely. Life is just to wonderful to dwell on your pain. Pick yourself up, stick out your chest, then thank God for the lesson and move along. The lady you are looking for is looking for you too.