Dad jokes

Me: I worry that the Owl People live among us.

She: Who?

Me: OMG!

 

Wanna hear a joke about paper?


Never mind... it's tearable.

 

Wanna hear a joke about the broken pencil?


Never mind... it doesn't have a point.

 

How do you know a joke is a dad joke?











it’s a parent.

 

Morris Schwartz is dying and on his deathbed.

He is surrounded by his nurse, his wife, his daughter and two sons, and knows the end is near. So he says to them:

"Bernie, I want you to take the Beverly Hills houses."

"Sybil, take the apartments over in Los Angeles Plaza."

"Hymie, I want you to take the offices over in City Center."

"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings downtown."

The nurse is just blown away by all this, and as Morris slips away, she says to the wife, "Mrs. Schwartz, your husband must have been such a hard working man to have accumulated so much property."

Sarah replies, "Property shmoperty...the schmuck had a newspaper route."

 

omg that one took me a second. I was like "why are people liking this, there's no point to the joke"... then it hit me.

Obligatory dad joke:

Why is Peter Pan always flying? Because he Neverlands.

 

Here all night

 

What do you call about 100 little sheep falling down a mountain?

A lambslide!

 

Where do bad rainbows go?

Prism. But it is a light sentence.

 

I was a straight "A" student in school. But the rest of my letters were crooked.