Dad jokes

I'm soooo glad you posted that!

 

Were you scared to?

 

No. A wise man just knows what battles to fight and which ones to say "hey, your girlfriend said it, not me."

 

How do you make holy water???





You boil the hell outta it!

 

What do you call a fish with two knees??





A two knee fish!!

 

I had a debate with a flat earther.
He said he'll walk to the edge of the earth to prove me wrong.

I'm sure he'll come around.

 

Did you know you cant run through a campground?

Yeah, you have to 'ran'.

You know, 'cuz it's "past tents."

 

I was abducted by aliens.


They made me wash my hands, clean my room, and eat my vegetables.


Turns out I was on the mothership.

 

Two birds are sitting on a perch.

One turns to the other and asks, “Do you smell fish?”

 

Why are toilets so good at poker?

Well, because they always get a flush.

 

How does NASA organize their parties?

They planet.

 

FIFY. I've had a few that , oh never mind...

(In Buckingham Palace, they can sometimes get a Royal Flush.)

 

That's also how you cook kidney. Well almost.


For kidney, you boil the piss out of it!

 

That would be a complete waste of time for me. Unless it was for the dog.

 

That's too bad. You're losing out. But - your call.

 

How do you clean a dirty mind??



you brainwash it!