Dad jokes

Ha!

 

Haha!

 

harrr

 

What do you call a deer with no eyes?








No idea








What do you call the same deer with no legs?












Still no idea?

 

Did you see the movie about constipation?




Don’t worry, it hasn’t come out yet

 

A old man sitting on a park bench is giving a long, inquisitive stare toward the other end of the bench, where a kid with spikey, multi colored hair is sitting.


After a bit, the kid gets annoyed with the old man's staring.

"What's a matter old man, you never do anything crazy in your life?"


"No, not quite. It's just that a while ago I got really drunk and had sex with a parrot, and was wondering if you were my son."




My dad told that one on a high school band trip.

 

What do you call a cow with no legs?


Ground beef.






What do you call a cow with 2 legs shorter than the others?



Lean beef.



What do you call a cow standing on a hill?



Top sirloin.

 

What do you call a dog with no legs?










Doesn’t matter, it won’t come anyway...

 

What do you call a guy, no arms, no legs plays 3 instruments?












Stump, the band.

 

Did you hear about the fight at the candy store?


2 suckers got licked...

 

Mehhh

 

Why did Suzan fall off the swing?





Because Suzan doesn’t have any arms!

 

Knock knock.


Who’s there?



Not Suzan!!!

 

A skeleton walks into a lounge, strolls over to the bar, sits down, slaps a twenty onto the bar and says,

Bartender, bring me a beer and a mop...!!

 

What did the mom cow say to baby cow


It's pasture bedtime

 

My best friends dad:

"When you grow up, you should work on one of those tourist fishing boats as a hook baiter. If you work hard at it, you can get promoted to master baiter."

A girl with no arms and no legs was on the beach crying. A man is hurrying by and she calls out to him
"Wait, please sir, let me ask a favor!
A little annoyed he stops and asks her what she needs.
"You see that I have no arms and no legs. No one would ever love a girl with no arms and no legs. I'll never know what its like to be hugged... could you please hug me...?"
The guy was in a hurry but figured giving a hug wouldn't be too much trouble so he picks her up and gives her a hug then hurries on.
-"Wait, please come back...! That hug was great but now I'm even sadder because I know no-one will ever kiss me... Would you please kiss me?"
Thy guy was a little annoyed but hell, he figured he'd give he a kiss then hurries on.
-"WAIT! PLEASE COME BACK! You see, now I'm even more upset because I know I'll never have sex. Would you F me?"
The guy, clearly annoyed at this point looked at her and thought a bit. Finally he picked her up and threw her into the ocean.
"THERE, YOUR F'ED!" He yells back as he hurries on.

 

When dad's on a ladder and you hear something splatter, diarrhea

Dads climbing up a tree and really has to pee, diarrhea

 

A good one from the interwebs:

 

What is a Ninja’s favorite drink?


Waataaaaaaahhhh