Dad jokes

Oh feather poop.

Strumming Lee along and......they're back.

 

This proves they are read a Lee available.

 

A friend of mine used his stimulus money to get chickens.

He said he got his money for nothing and the chicks were free.

 

Nice lee done

 

Mark Knopfler says “Well done.”

 

I lost my job at the bank on my first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

 

A skeleton walks in to a bar. He tells the bartender, “Give me a beer and a mop.”

 

I say all that and more.

See some sheep on a hill.............".......look SHIP.............." in a bad Polish accent.

After locking something with 3 chains and 4 cables......... "It won't sprout legs now"

 

Not sure if any one has heard, but if you are a farmer this may be very important.

Early this morning the US outlawed Round hay bales.



The cows are not getting 3 square meals a day.

 

I've been going through a funk lately and my friend keeps saying “cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.” I know he means well.

 

hahahahya\\

shit

 

My friend died because he was in an accident and we didn't know what blood type he was.

He kept saying 'be positive, be positive' but it's hard to when your friend is dying...

 

Guy at the bar meanders up the piano man and asks, “Can you play Melancholy Baby?”
The piano guy says, “No.”
Later in the evening same guy getting lubricated staggers up and says, “Hey pal. Cann yoou plaay Melancholy Baby?”
Again the singer says, “No. I don’t play that.”
Near closing time, yet again the same guy, at his limit, stumbles up and slurs, “Bbuudy, ca n yooo plaay Melancholy Baby?!?”
Finally, the singer says, “Look, I told you I can’t play that. No!”
Guy responds, “Good! Cuz I hhaate Melancholy Baby!”

 

What do Winnie The Poo and Alexander The Great have in common?







...same middle name

 

A botanist was separated from a group of researchers studying rain forest flora near Manaus. After several hours the search was called off and the party returned to camp. Upon their return they were shocked to find their missing colleague relaxing in the shade. Amazed that he not only found his way back without a guide, but he made it back to camp before they did, the party asked how he did it. He responded, "I chose Amazon Prime, Same Day Delivery."

 

Well, my wife told me that she is completely fed up of my constant dad jokes, so I asked her for help on how I can stop my addiction. She said, “Whatever means necessary.” I said, “No it doesn’t sillyhead.”

 

There was a kidnapping at my nephew's school today.

But it's cool, he woke up.

 

It's not a Dad Joke...but this thing has always given me a laugh.

MISSING MISSY