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Dad jokes

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Discussion' started by pinktaco808, Jun 30, 2020.

  1. Jun 19, 2022 at 9:59 AM
    #861
    wiljayhi

    wiljayhi 1. I don’t know … 2. I don’t care

    Joined:
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    Member:
    #268685
    Messages:
    2,415
    First Name:
    Jim
    Murky Water, MB, eh?
    Vehicle:
    ‘18 SB Off Road KDMaxP+XT, N custom
    Out loud & quickly

    1. Say: “EYE”

    2. Spell: M A P

    3. Say: “NESS”
     
    Icarus II likes this.
  2. Jun 19, 2022 at 10:11 AM
    #862
    wiljayhi

    wiljayhi 1. I don’t know … 2. I don’t care

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2018
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    Messages:
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    First Name:
    Jim
    Murky Water, MB, eh?
    Vehicle:
    ‘18 SB Off Road KDMaxP+XT, N custom
    The path of inner peace begins with four words:

    Not my f#%^ing problem.
     
    .劉煒, grdgz97 and Pablo8 like this.
  3. Jun 19, 2022 at 10:49 AM
    #863
    landphil

    landphil Wishin' I was Fishin'

    Joined:
    Mar 3, 2011
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    #52290
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    BC, Canada
    Vehicle:
    RIP 2006 Tacoma DCSB
    Tundra 5.7 mod
    What was the 1st grade math teacher’s slogan?


    “Making the little things count.”
     
  4. Jun 19, 2022 at 11:08 AM
    #864
    Tiny's Taco

    Tiny's Taco The Wanderer

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    NOVA
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    2018 TRD Sport
    That's a horrible idea. What time?
  5. Jun 20, 2022 at 10:07 AM
    #865
    mntnbikerbw

    mntnbikerbw Twitter: imjustabill1970

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2014
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    bill
    clarksville, tn
    Vehicle:
    2017 TRD Off Road DCSB
    SUSPENSION: Icon Stage 4 with tubular UCAs WHEELS: Black ProComp 69 TIRES: BFG KO2s at 265/75/16 Partially debadged Diaz Fabrication Model T up front
    Went out to eat yesterday after church, midway through the meal the waiter comes by and says..."I see that your glass is empty,would you like another one?" I said, "No, why in the world would I want two empty glasses?"
     
    Shane_O, landphil, grdgz97 and 7 others like this.
  6. Jun 21, 2022 at 3:24 PM
    #866
    Brian_d

    Brian_d Well-Known Member

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    TexasTacoLT likes this.
  7. Jun 21, 2022 at 3:25 PM
    #867
    トヨダ MASTER

    トヨダ MASTER Toyota Hoarder?

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2020
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    #317095
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    152
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    Male
    Woods Landing, WY
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    '18 T4R '07 FJC '84 PU w/LS '83 Hilux '94 PU '80 Hilux w/R2.8 C
  8. Jun 22, 2022 at 1:09 PM
    #868
    Brian_d

    Brian_d Well-Known Member

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  9. Jun 22, 2022 at 1:48 PM
    #869
    TexasTacoLT

    TexasTacoLT Well-Known Member

    Joined:
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    John
    Killeen, TX
    Vehicle:
    '14 TRD Offroad
    3" ToyTech Coilovers and AAL Total Chaos UCAs Bilstein 5100 Shocks Method 17" wheels 33" BFG Mud Terrain Tires Colormatched Grill surround HomerTaco mesh grill insert FJ Emblem Shrockworks plate rear bumper All-Pro plate front bumper w/ foglights All-Pro rock sliders 48" LED light bar Smoked Tail-lights Tinted Front windows and sunstrip (15%) Bestop camper cover Bushwhacker fender flares 8-ball shifter knob Amber LED grill lights Debadged doors and tailgate WeatherTech floormats Blue Footwell lighting Sudued US Flag door decals T-100 style tailgate decal Two way radio with whip antenna Warn 8000lb winch
    Fun Fact: The first living beings intentionally sent into space were fruit flies.

    They considered sending a duck, but the bill would have been astronomical.
     
  10. Jun 22, 2022 at 1:53 PM
    #870
    USMC - Retired

    USMC - Retired No Better Friend, No Worse Enemy

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    Gunns
    Ty Ty, Georgia
    Vehicle:
    2018 DCSB Quicksand
    There once was a country who's king was only a foot tall...







    He was a terrible king but a great ruler!
     
    Shane_O, JGO, Spare Parts and 2 others like this.
  11. Jun 23, 2022 at 4:08 AM
    #871
    TartanEagle

    TartanEagle Well-Known Member

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    '17 ACLB 4x4 MT
    Prehistoric lifted...


    upload_2022-6-23_7-7-21.jpg
     

    Attached Files:

  12. Jun 23, 2022 at 4:26 AM
    #872
    rleete

    rleete Grumpy old man - get off my lawn

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    Roger
    Rochester, NY
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    Base DC, SR5, TRD Sport
    Billet grill
    An apple a day will keep anyone away...


    ...if you throw it hard enough.
     
  13. Jun 23, 2022 at 9:03 AM
    #873
    TartanEagle

    TartanEagle Well-Known Member

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    A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by an elderly Scottish cop.
    He thinks that he is smarter than the old cop because he is a lawyer from LONDON and is certain that he has a better education than any Scottish cop.
    He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the old cop’s expense!

    The old Scottish cop says, “License and rrregistrrration, please.”
    London Lawyer says, “What for?”
    Scottish cop says, “Ye didnae come to a complete stoop at the stoop sign.”

    London Lawyer says, “I slowed down, and no one was coming.”
    The old Scottish cop says, “Ye still dinna come to a complete stoop. License and rrregistrrration, please”

    London Lawyer says, “What’s the difference?”
    Scottish cop says, “The difference is, ye huvte come to complete stoop, ‘tis the law. Noow, license and rrregistrrration, please!”

    London Lawyer says, “If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I’ll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don’t give me the ticket.”
    The old cop says, “Rrright, sounds fair enuf. Get oot of yourrr vehicle, sirrr.”

    The London Lawyer exits his vehicle.
    The old cop takes out his baton and starts beating the living shite out of the lawyer and says,
    “Dae ye want me to stoop or just slow doon?”



    GOTTA LUV THE SCOTS!
     
    Last edited: Jun 24, 2022 at 3:48 AM
  14. Jun 23, 2022 at 2:08 PM
    #874
    Brian_d

    Brian_d Well-Known Member

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    Male
  15. Jun 23, 2022 at 2:48 PM
    #875
    elmontemike

    elmontemike Well-Known Member

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    Mike

    That’s awesome!!!!
     
    TexasTacoLT likes this.
  16. Jun 23, 2022 at 2:55 PM
    #876
    I.eat.tacos

    I.eat.tacos Well-Known Member

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    Steve Rogers
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    '18 TRD 4x4 Sport
    Like father. Like son-in-paw.
     
  17. Jun 24, 2022 at 6:36 AM
    #877
    トヨダ MASTER

    トヨダ MASTER Toyota Hoarder?

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2020
    Member:
    #317095
    Messages:
    152
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    Male
    Woods Landing, WY
    Vehicle:
    '18 T4R '07 FJC '84 PU w/LS '83 Hilux '94 PU '80 Hilux w/R2.8 C
    What kind of fruit do couples that can't run away and get married eat?

    Cantaloupe
     
    SRH, TexasTacoLT, mntnbikerbw and 2 others like this.
  18. Jun 24, 2022 at 8:51 AM
    #878
    mntnbikerbw

    mntnbikerbw Twitter: imjustabill1970

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2014
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    First Name:
    bill
    clarksville, tn
    Vehicle:
    2017 TRD Off Road DCSB
    SUSPENSION: Icon Stage 4 with tubular UCAs WHEELS: Black ProComp 69 TIRES: BFG KO2s at 265/75/16 Partially debadged Diaz Fabrication Model T up front
    A friend asked me to play the part of Brutus in an upcoming play about Julius Ceasar...I told him that I would take a stab at it.
     
  19. Jun 24, 2022 at 9:01 AM
    #879
    TexasTacoLT

    TexasTacoLT Well-Known Member

    Joined:
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    Male
    First Name:
    John
    Killeen, TX
    Vehicle:
    '14 TRD Offroad
    3" ToyTech Coilovers and AAL Total Chaos UCAs Bilstein 5100 Shocks Method 17" wheels 33" BFG Mud Terrain Tires Colormatched Grill surround HomerTaco mesh grill insert FJ Emblem Shrockworks plate rear bumper All-Pro plate front bumper w/ foglights All-Pro rock sliders 48" LED light bar Smoked Tail-lights Tinted Front windows and sunstrip (15%) Bestop camper cover Bushwhacker fender flares 8-ball shifter knob Amber LED grill lights Debadged doors and tailgate WeatherTech floormats Blue Footwell lighting Sudued US Flag door decals T-100 style tailgate decal Two way radio with whip antenna Warn 8000lb winch
    Dad: I heard on the news that Legally Blonde actress was arrested for stabbing someone; Reese something or other.
    Mom: Witherspoon?
    Dad: No, with a knife.
     
    Shane_O, Spare Parts, grdgz97 and 2 others like this.
  20. Jun 26, 2022 at 6:41 PM
    #880
    Tactical_Panda

    Tactical_Panda Armchair Anarchist

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    Tim
    Fredericksburg, VA
    Vehicle:
    2015 Tacoma Double Cab, Off-Road Edition
    AJT Designs Shifter AJT Designs Battery Hold-Down ARB Awning 2500x2500 ARB Twin Compressor w/ Slee Offroad Mounting Bracket Avid Brush Bar Avid Step Bars Black Rock Wheels Series 997 Type 8 Circuit Breaker/Relay Panel Custom TRD Decals Bulletproof Fabricating Raptor Grill Bulletproof Fabricating Cooling Panel Bulletproof Fabricating Tow Hook Duluth Trading Company Dog Hammock Exhaust Breather Mod eBay Special 3-Gallon Air Tank Expedition Essentials TPAM EZ Down tailgate damper Flagpole Mounts, Dual Foglight Mod Front Camera Rear Camera; full time available General Grabber tires Goat Armor Hella Supertone Horns Iggy Switch Panel Icon Dynamics Stage 3 Suspension Katskin Leather Interior KickAss camp shower LED Bed Lights LED Interior Lights Midland MXT275 GMRS Two-Way Radio OEM Audio Plus Reference 500 audio upgrade Plano Cases. 42" roof mounted, X2 Pop-N-Lock Tailgate Handle Prinsu Cab Rack Prinsu-like Shell Rack Redline Tuning Hood Struts Rigid Industries 40" Light Bar Rigid Industries Ditch Lights Rigid Industries Spotlights Toyota Bed Step UltraGauge EM Plus v1.4 Vixen Air Horns, Four-Trumpet Whole bunch of decals worth about 5HP each Yakima Road Shower, 10-gal
    Where do Mr. and Mrs Cantaloupe send their kids in the summer?

    John Cougar's Melon Camp.
     
    .劉煒 and Spare Parts like this.

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