Dad jokes

Q: Why do Norwegian ships have barcodes painted on their hulls?


A: So when they return to port they can...



... Scandinavian

 

https://www.viciouscycle.com/

 

A cop pulls over a guy who has a car full of penguins and tells the guy he can't drive around with penguins, take them to the zoo. The next day the cop sees the same car full of penguins and pulls the car over. He says to the driver, I thought I told you to take these penguins too the zoo. The driver says, I did, today I'm taking them to the movies.

 

And then there was the snake charmer that married an undertaker. They had bathroom towels marked "Hiss" and "Hearse."

 

Mother’s milk…

Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk.' The question was worth 70 points or none at all. One student was hard put to think of seven advantages. He wrote:

1) It is perfect formula for the child.
2) It provides immunity against several diseases.
3) It is always the right temperature.
4) It is inexpensive.
5) It bonds the child to mother and vice versa.
6) It is always available as needed
And then the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang indicating the end of the test he wrote:
7) It comes in two attractive containers and it's high enough off the ground where the cat can't get it.

He got an A+.

 

Kids these days are too soft. My teenage daughter brought her boyfriend over to meet me. He barely spoke, seemed to be shaking, and wouldn’t even look me in the eye.

He just sat there… staring at my gun.

 

DON'T EXPECT ME TO STOP IF YOU'RE BROKEN DOWN ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD.
YOU WERE OFFERED AN EXTENDED CAR WARRANTY SEVERAL TIMES.

 

Here’s to our wives and girlfriends, may they never meet!

 

Found in the archives….

 

dad: Did you know that beer makes you smarter?
child: Uh...no, dad.
dad: No, really! It made Bud wiser!

 

Have you heard of the Canary Islands? Owned by Spain. Off the coast of Africa. I vacationed there several times when I lived in Yurrup. A wonderful place.

Do you know that there are no canaries on the Canary Islands? Not one! Ever! I asked many locals why it is named Canary Islands. Nobody knows … weird eh?

Ever heard of the Virgin Islands?

No canaries there either!

 

What generation does Forest Gump belong to?



Gen A