Dad jokes

A windstorm ripped off 25% of my roof last night.

oof.

 

Why do blind people skydive? It scares the crap out of their dogs

 

I saw a cowboy in the Emergency room he was all cut and banged up. I asked what happen buddy? He said his favorite horse threw him and his foot was stuck in stirrup and was being dragged. You are lucky to be alive how did you survive that ? He said "Well a real nice lady that worked there at walmart unplugged the horse for me"

 

2 Irishmen got married It was John Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzjohn

 

How do they know when they are getting close to the ground?

The leash goes slack.

 

Two cowboys were having lunch in a small south Texas town cafe. A sweet lady a few tables over stands up in a panic choking on her food.
No one else does anything to help her, so one of the cowboys jumps up; runs over to her; pulls her levis & panties down; and runs his tongue up the crack of her ass!

This shocks her so much she spews out the stuck bite of food from her windpipe. All is well and she thanks him for saving her life!

The cowboy gets back to his table and sits down to his lunch once more. His pardner with him says;
"I've shorly heard 'bout that newfangled hindlick maneuver, but I ain't never seen it done afore!"

 

What’s gray and comes in quarts?










Elephants

 

What do you call 8 rabbits walking backwards in a row???


A receding hare line.

 

With AI impacting so much, reminds me of the computer they built at MIT. You enter and IQ and it can carry on a conversation.

Some Harvard grad students got ahold of it and wanted to try it out.
They entered 180 and it started discussing quantum mechanics.
Then, they entered 160 and it started discussing jet engine design.
Finally one of them had an idea…
They entered “1”.
All of a sudden the computer started singing:
Boomer Sooner, Boomer Sooner

brought to you by Dads of years gone by from when it was the Big 8…

 

Similar joke with the punch line being "Go Big Blue!"

 

Ego and Super-ego walk into a bar. The Bartender says "Sorry, guys. I'm gonna need to see some Id."

 

"Moby Dick" is so outdated. I heard that Disney is making a new movie about a transgender whale. They're calling it "Maybe Dick".

 

Never buy anything with Velcro, it’s a rip off