Dad jokes

Why do cows have hooves?

Cause they lactose.

 

Have you ever got caught beatin off in your closet?

“No why?”

Must be a good hidin spot.



90% of all guys beat off.

The other 10% don’t have arms.

 

If I go down to the animal shelter for a new pet, I’m a hero, but if I go to the Women’s shelter for a new girlfriend…. LOL

 

An Irishman walks into a bar in Toronto and orders a drink. The bartender asks him "What brings you to Canada?" The Irishman says "Well, I was in a pub in Dublin and the coaster under my glass said 'Drink Canada Dry', so I thought I'd give it a shot"

 

Holy sheet

 

Do you realize that if you are sitting on the toilet at 11:59PM, and the clock strikes midnight.
It's same shit, different day.

 

Ok that was new.

 

At my vasectomy consultation, the doctor said, "Now THIS is a big, beautiful penis!"
Then he pulled his pants back up and told me to get undressed.

 

My PCP offered to make a referral and appointment for me for a vasectomy. Now I'm not superstitious or anything, when I found out that the appt was on a Friday the 13th with a Dr. Hacker, I DID change the appt and doctor!

 

OK you made that up.

5/10.

My doc was Dr Laffer.

 

Used to be a Dr. Stop that did vasectomies around here. He's been retired for years.

 

Stopped practicing?

 

Did I?

 

Unsure!

 

OK, OK, made up story for this jokes thread. It IS however, based on some truth. Years ago I had an appointment with a family doctor on Friday the 13th, which I considered changing but didn’t, and a neighbor had an appt (not Friday the 13th) for a vasectomy with a Dr. Hacker. I always thought combining made a good story, especially for this rhread!

 

It's all good here!

 

To be fair... The best dad jokes/stories are made in this exact fashion. Some of them are even true

 

Stopped alot of things