Dad jokes

Customer: "Thank you for the haircut, how much do I owe you?"

Barber: "That'll be $40. But today we're running a promotion for all the good looking people who come in today, that's $10 off.

Customer: "Oh wow...ok so $30 then?

Barber: "Nah, $40."

 

A doctor recommend to a couple that they start to write things down as they are becoming for forgetful.

One night the wife told her husband after dinner that she wanted some ice cream, some chocolate syrup and a cherry on top.

He agreed he could get that and went into the kitchen. He whipped up some eggs, fried some bacon and took it to her.

He said, "Here you go honey!"

She looked at the food and said, "Where's the toast?"

 

Her: "You never listen to me!"

Him: "That's a funny way to start a conversation."

 

I don’t trust stairs, they’re always up to something.

 

She finishes the last glass of a bota box. He tells her he'll run to the store to get some more.

At the store he grabs another bota box but he also sees a bundle of firewood. He thinks," Hmmm...for a few more bucks, I could really heat this cold night up."

He gets home and sees her passed out asleep on the couch. He thinks, "This isn't good I went through all of this trouble just to find her passed out on the couch buzzing' like an old chainsaw sawin' logs."

He loudly puts his stuff down and stomps all around.

Nothing changes, as she remains passed out on the couch.

He thinks, "This ain't good, I've got wood and she's sawin' logs."

 

Going to get rid of my calendar soon. It’s days are numbered.

 

You know how birds fly in a V? Ever wonder why one side is longer than the other?



It’s because there’s more birds on that side.

 

Farmer Daryl was slowly pulling a wagon down the road with his tractor.
His neighbor, John, said "What you got in there?"
Daryl says "Why I'm Haulin Oats"

(Badda Bing!)

 

Rope walks into a bar, asks for a drink. Bartender says we don’t serve ropes here. Rope walks outside, messes his hair up and ties himself in knot. Walks back in and asks for a drink. Bartender says, hey aren’t you that rope that was in here earlier? Rope says, nope I’m a frayed knot.