Dad jokes

Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet.
Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.

 

I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes. Turns out it was the refrigerator all along.

 

My grandpa has the heart of a lion.

He's also not allowed in the zoo anymore.

 

What did the Terminator say after he got his coffee?

Hasta barista baby.

 

What has 4 legs but only one arm?


A rottweiler at the playground.

 

What do you call a sick eagle?

Illegal.

 

If you eat aluminum






You. Sheet metal

 

This thread was like a belt made of watches...

A waist of time.

 

JK, thanks for the laughs all!

Make sure to read my Yelp review on Orion's Belt, I gave it three stars, total waist of space.

 

Nice. Another local yokel with good dad jokes.

 

Which is the most obscene letter in the English alphabet?

Q



(It's really O with his dick hanging out)

 

What are the sexiest animals on a farm?
The brown chicken & brown cow.

BROWNCHICKENBROWNCOW!!!

 

Oh jeebus. This one is awesome!

 

Did you hear about the rib eye that was sexually active?



Yeah, it was bone-in.

 

A penguin takes his car to a mechanic to get it fixed. While the mechanic is working on the car, the penguin goes across the street to get an ice cream. Now, a penguin doesn’t have hands, he just has little flippers so naturally the penguin makes a huge mess of the ice cream and of himself.

When the penguin finishes his ice cream, he goes back across the street to check on the status of his car. The mechanic told him “it looks like you blew a seal”. The penguin replies “No, this is just ice cream”.

 

That probably is outside the dad joke theme because it's actually funny and too raunchy.