1. Welcome to Tacoma World!

    You are currently viewing as a guest! To get full-access, you need to register for a FREE account.

    As a registered member, you’ll be able to:
    • Participate in all Tacoma discussion topics
    • Communicate privately with other Tacoma owners from around the world
    • Post your own photos in our Members Gallery
    • Access all special features of the site

Deployed w/pregnant wife HELP!

Discussion in 'Military' started by GrilledCheese, Nov 26, 2019.

  1. Nov 26, 2019 at 1:28 PM
    #1
    GrilledCheese

    GrilledCheese [OP] Active Member

    Joined:
    Sep 4, 2019
    Member:
    #304241
    Messages:
    36
    Gender:
    Male
    Colorado Springs, CO
    Vehicle:
    2020 Tacoma TRD Pro AG M/T
    The wife and I made a baby (I'll spare the details), and the baby is due any day now.
    I won't be there for the birth or anything and I need some help.

    Anything you all think I could do to make this transition easier on her even though I'm far away?

    She is MIL too so she is getting a ton of support, her mother should be with her as well. But not having me there certainly hurts the situation. Have any of you went through something like this?

    It certainly sucks missing my first child's birth but I'm more concerned about how its gonna effect the wife. Any ideas as to how I can keep my family feeling like a family without me there?

    Thank you for any input!
     
    bigmw likes this.
  2. Nov 26, 2019 at 1:34 PM
    #2
    TacoJoeBro

    TacoJoeBro Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2019
    Member:
    #278690
    Messages:
    121
    Gender:
    Male
    Midwest
    Vehicle:
    12 DCSB OffRoad
    6112/5160 Icon RXT JBA KO2
    Congratulations and Thank You for your service.:hattip:
    Any possibility of FaceTime or Skype? The gesture has to account for something no?
     
    scottalot, wilcam47 and bot102 like this.
  3. Nov 26, 2019 at 1:43 PM
    #3
    bot102

    bot102 The guy who ask a lot of questions

    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2016
    Member:
    #200156
    Messages:
    1,921
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Alec
    Littleton, CO
    Vehicle:
    2017 DCOR
    Beat up armor and broken stuff
    Yup. Skype or Facebook it about as good as it will get. I had a few buddies who our BN didn't approved to fly home for it but they did give them 2 days "off" so he could use wifi at the cans for Facetime.
     
    TacoJoeBro likes this.
  4. Dec 7, 2019 at 9:50 AM
    #4
    johnmichael125

    johnmichael125 mikeD1Esel

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2012
    Member:
    #74168
    Messages:
    199
    Gender:
    Male
    Schofield Barracks, HI
    Vehicle:
    2020 Cement Tacoma DC TRD OR
    Plasti dipped badges, MESO Customs interior LEDs in red, 3D Tacoma tailgate insert, center console organizer
    Not to get into OPSEC but are you really that important to the mission going on there? Seems like a pretty fucked up COC if they won't let you go home. With that being said is it your first child? If not, then they generally don't let you go home or deploy late/redeploy early.

    FRG should be her best friend. Hopefully you have a strong core for her to rely on. Also I'm not sure about the chair force, but the Army has "Army Community Service" which is a place that offers all kinds of help! I'm sure there is the equivalent of that for you all.
     
  5. Dec 7, 2019 at 10:43 AM
    #5
    GrilledCheese

    GrilledCheese [OP] Active Member

    Joined:
    Sep 4, 2019
    Member:
    #304241
    Messages:
    36
    Gender:
    Male
    Colorado Springs, CO
    Vehicle:
    2020 Tacoma TRD Pro AG M/T
    I try and make a facetime call every night but y'all probably know how often they shut off the interwebs here.

    (Perfect example, why replying took so damn long)

    Yeah, couldn't really ask for a higher priority job out here. Leadership out here is legit but we don't have ideal manning. I'm certain the fact that were already pulling 12/7 shifts makes them less than keen on the idea of letting me leave. First kid though, so she is a wreck alone. I'm not sure whether we do have anything like that for us, just "Deployed Familiy Dinners" and a 1Sgt breathing down her neck.

    Bought her a big ass TV as a pre-christmas present. Figured her daily criticism of my 30" 720p hand-me-down was a hint.
     
  6. Dec 7, 2019 at 11:32 AM
    #6
    johnmichael125

    johnmichael125 mikeD1Esel

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2012
    Member:
    #74168
    Messages:
    199
    Gender:
    Male
    Schofield Barracks, HI
    Vehicle:
    2020 Cement Tacoma DC TRD OR
    Plasti dipped badges, MESO Customs interior LEDs in red, 3D Tacoma tailgate insert, center console organizer



    I don't know man, if any unit can't function missing one guy, there is a problem. All I know is if you were my Soldier you wouldn't be in AFG right now.
     
  7. Dec 7, 2019 at 11:46 AM
    #7
    whatstcp

    whatstcp Professional incoherent spammer

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2018
    Member:
    #261584
    Messages:
    7,021
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Ed
    Fontana, CA
    Vehicle:
    2006 Tacoma Regular Cab 2.7l 4x4
    King + Archive Relocation Wheeler's bumps +hydros
    This

    when I was burning myself out for my unit and neglecting my family and personal life completely I had an old NCO pull me aside and give me some great advice, "Don't believe that they can't survive without you. The Army has been around for over 200 years. They were fine before you came along, and they will be fine when you leave."

    Trust me OP. Even a laundry specialist will be told they are 100% mission essential and they can't afford to have them go to sick call/appointments/emergency/family leave.

    Remember how they always tell you whenever something doesn't go as planned how you need to improvise, adapt, and overcome? That street goes both ways. Your family needs you, leadership just doesn't want to go through the work of improvising, adapting, or overcoming. Easier to just get you to stay.

    Unless you're an honest to god green beret, marsoc, combat controller, seal dude then yeah you should probably stay. Being special operations doesn't count because leadership always states that their unit's mission is special operations because they are attached or supporting a sister unit that is supporting this random mission that has a tiny special operations detachment included. When I was in the reserves before going active we were sweeping and mopping one weekend as part of a special operations mission so go figure.

    Work hard and serve your country proud, but just keep in mind they don't need you and you are easily replaceable. Your family and special moments in your life aren't. They only come once.

    But I'm just a grumpy as hell infantry dude, just my 2 cents.
     
  8. Dec 7, 2019 at 6:18 PM
    #8
    .劉煒

    .劉煒 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2015
    Member:
    #168910
    Messages:
    1,149
    Vehicle:
    2016 Inferno DCSBTRDORMT
    GL. Get back as soon as you can.

    That said, all that momma/baby bonding time in the first few weeks is up to her unless the delivery goes south. Which is why they're supposed to release your ass for the delivery dammit. At least the inlaws are there, but you should be too.
     
  9. Dec 7, 2019 at 6:28 PM
    #9
    T4RFTMFW

    T4RFTMFW Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 23, 2014
    Member:
    #134525
    Messages:
    68,750
    I would touch base with people back home and see if they can arrange to bring her prepared meals for a few weeks (obviously some can be frozen). Having a newborn is hard enough, so any help with the normal chores of life is a lot of help, especially when meals don’t have to be planned or prepared, just heated.

    If you or she has one legit friend, see if they’ll organize it. If she has 10 friends or family and they make 2 meals a piece, that’s a lot of help. Adds up quickly.
     
    Daria and Nevin like this.
  10. Dec 7, 2019 at 6:35 PM
    #10
    crazysccrmd

    crazysccrmd Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2016
    Member:
    #181592
    Messages:
    4,148
    Gender:
    Male
    Look at the bright side, you knew she was pregnant when you left so there won’t be that nagging doubt that it’s Jody’s baby from the week after you go on the plane.
     
  11. Dec 7, 2019 at 6:41 PM
    #11
    Hook78

    Hook78 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 3, 2017
    Member:
    #237571
    Messages:
    1,517
    Gender:
    Male
    Eastern NC
    Vehicle:
    2015 DCSB TRD OR
    Lund 5" Nerf Bars Undercover Tonneau Cover
    In my experience it was standard not to be able to come home from a deployment for a birth. Knew four guys in that situation, two were officers. All met their kids for the first time at the end of the deployment.

    OP, she’s military and she knows what you both signed up for. Send her lots of handwritten letters, and video chat as often as possible. Have some things sent from Amazon that would make her comfortable. Lean on friends and family at home. Stay safe, and enjoy your family when you get home.
     
    Last edited: Dec 8, 2019
    GrilledCheese [OP] likes this.
  12. Dec 7, 2019 at 6:50 PM
    #12
    TacoBuffet

    TacoBuffet Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 9, 2018
    Member:
    #255903
    Messages:
    4,750
    IL
    Vehicle:
    Taco #12, 2020 OR DCSB 4WD LED, Tech and Prem
    Tint, Bedmat, LEDs, WeatherTechs
    Hmm, not sure you're rank looks like your in Afghanistan looking at your pic, I know when I was in Jordan they let a guy leave half way through our rotation to go see his new baby, he came back, but we were working 12/7 too but also OPs, maybe different based on your position/role, etc. My first deployment we had a guy get the day off and was in the Chaplin's office using their private room which had a big ass tv and video camera/mic so he could be right there for his kid's birth. Sometimes I miss AD, but situations like these I appreciate my new role as a civilian. Stay safe and congrats!
     
  13. Dec 8, 2019 at 7:44 AM
    #13
    GrilledCheese

    GrilledCheese [OP] Active Member

    Joined:
    Sep 4, 2019
    Member:
    #304241
    Messages:
    36
    Gender:
    Male
    Colorado Springs, CO
    Vehicle:
    2020 Tacoma TRD Pro AG M/T
    Hopefully the unit will do a meal train like you're saying. I'll reach out to the shirt and see if they got that planned.

    When were you in Jordan? I was there from 16-17. We had a guy go home early because his wife was about to pop as well, any chance he was from Canon?


    I'm looking at just getting a bunch of comfort items for her (blankets & stuff), past that I can't talk to her any more often. The unit back home gave her a sweet desk job with face time for the next year which is perfect seeing as she can't deploy until then anyways. After that though we will be doing the whole "one parent away, six months together, other parent leaves" gig (which we're cool with, despite how one might percieve this post).
     
  14. Dec 8, 2019 at 10:23 AM
    #14
    TacoBuffet

    TacoBuffet Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 9, 2018
    Member:
    #255903
    Messages:
    4,750
    IL
    Vehicle:
    Taco #12, 2020 OR DCSB 4WD LED, Tech and Prem
    Tint, Bedmat, LEDs, WeatherTechs
    I was just there, my last deployment before separating, 2017-2018.
     
  15. Feb 5, 2020 at 8:04 AM
    #15
    XUT

    XUT ᴍᴇᴍᴇ ᴏᴠᴇʀʟᴏʀᴅ

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2019
    Member:
    #306991
    Messages:
    86
    Vehicle:
    2019 ᴛʀᴅ ᴩʀᴏ 6ᴍᴛ
    ᴀʟʟ ᴄʜʀᴏᴍᴇ ᴇᴅɪᴛɪᴏɴ
    Wait, POGs get to go home to see their kids born on deployment?
     
  16. Feb 5, 2020 at 11:05 AM
    #16
    levie125

    levie125 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2019
    Member:
    #285020
    Messages:
    344
    Gender:
    Male
    Vehicle:
    2019 DCLB TRD
    The best thing is having a solid plan for when her/your family departs. Everybody shows up for the main attraction but once thats over the most help you can give her is covering the day to day nonsense that bogs all of us down. I recommend highly hiring a maid service for her. Other folks I know had some success with shopping for day to day items on Amazon, etc. You can even do groceries too.
     
  17. Feb 5, 2020 at 6:08 PM
    #17
    GrilledCheese

    GrilledCheese [OP] Active Member

    Joined:
    Sep 4, 2019
    Member:
    #304241
    Messages:
    36
    Gender:
    Male
    Colorado Springs, CO
    Vehicle:
    2020 Tacoma TRD Pro AG M/T
    Got home, kid was born two days later. His name is Theodore, 7lbs 15oz and 21in. Thank ya'll!

    IMG_4809.jpg
     
    burddog, EDDO, Sand Dog and 6 others like this.
  18. Feb 5, 2020 at 7:06 PM
    #18
    .劉煒

    .劉煒 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2015
    Member:
    #168910
    Messages:
    1,149
    Vehicle:
    2016 Inferno DCSBTRDORMT
    Congrats. Now go take a watch so mom can get some sleep.
     
    El Duderino and whatstcp like this.
  19. Feb 5, 2020 at 7:08 PM
    #19
    whatstcp

    whatstcp Professional incoherent spammer

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2018
    Member:
    #261584
    Messages:
    7,021
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Ed
    Fontana, CA
    Vehicle:
    2006 Tacoma Regular Cab 2.7l 4x4
    King + Archive Relocation Wheeler's bumps +hydros
    So was it worth it to be there??
     
  20. Feb 5, 2020 at 7:12 PM
    #20
    Greeny

    Greeny Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 9, 2017
    Member:
    #235499
    Messages:
    261
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Martin
    Rexburg, ID
    Vehicle:
    bone stock 2001 Taco 4x4 TRD
    Grats and thank you for your service!
     

Products Discussed in

To Top