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friend has a.....marriage issue....

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Discussion' started by RoyB, Mar 19, 2010.

  1. Mar 19, 2010 at 5:09 PM
    #1
    RoyB

    RoyB [OP] Well-Known Member

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    Basics: I have a female friend that lives a couple states over. We talk every 6 months or so. She is married now. We used to date back in highschool and have stayed in contact since then. Been probably 11-12 years since we dated in highschool.

    Issue: she started talking to me on facebook yesterday. Usually its a quick, hey, how are things, blah blah. Well, one thing lead to another and we are talking dirty to each other. Now, she came over when she was engaged a couple times and I.... helped her out during troubling times.

    We get to talking and she is not happy where she is living and her husband won't entertain the idea of moving because his job is there. The town is a crap-hole mind you. Her family and friends are where I live in our home state. That's one issue, the other is he doesn't want to do IT. She said he is overweight and is tired so doesn't ever want to do it. I asked when the last time was and she doesn't even remember. She said it's been over a month and that's typical. She has to do it solo ever night since he turns her down.

    This girl is smokin hot! How can anyone turn down a smoking hot girl that is all over them?

    What do I do with this information? I asked if she was happy and she said not really. She has been married for about 3? years, no kids. She dated him long distance during college so this wasn't an issue then. She is 28 and so is he. Once every couple months is NOT NORMAL! I think once a week at that age is not even enough. I would guess 2-3 times a week. I told her that she deserves better and she keeps saying she made the decision and is stuck with it.

    I asked if she thought about leaving him and she said the thought never crossed her mind....although she wants to meet up with me soon. This girl is the sweetest girl I know, and so totally unselfish. She is stuck with a guy that will not satisfy her or entertain the idea of moving. This IS my girl that got away. We both agreed that we miss each other and she says she thinks of me often. We are so in-sync when we talk it's like it's meant to be.

    It kills me to see her like this, unhappy. What do I do? I obviously have a biased opinion, but every girl I date I compare to her. I think about her all the time as well. She said no one knows about the lack of physical closeness because it's embarassing. I originally never pursued when she was engaged because I thought she was happy and didn't want to get inbetween. But, now I know she's not happy.... She said today she has been thinking about moving back home again because I was asking about it. I basically alluded that I would be waiting for her when she did.

    I don't want to be an asshole and tell her to look into divorce because of the idea that I could get her. Based on what she told me, I would tell that to any of my friends though. Life is too short to be with someone that selfish. I asked if she has talked to him about it and she said she has. What should I do?
     
  2. Mar 19, 2010 at 5:31 PM
    #2
    paulm09tacoma

    paulm09tacoma Well-Known Member

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    the guy in me says bang her lights out! the moral and reasonable side says she is a big girl and needs to work out her problems with her husband only. and with all do respect you should probably stay away. just think- what if that where your wife that were unhappy. sounds to me like she needs to shit or get off the pot( her marriage) just dont get caught up in something you will regret later. good luck. so how hot was she? lol
     
  3. Mar 19, 2010 at 5:33 PM
    #3
    XSB41

    XSB41 If I had a hammer...

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    I'd HAUL ARSE in the opposite direction...starting a possible physical relationship w/ a married woman is a good way to end up underground...the grass is always greener the other side of the fence until yer tads get hung in the wire...be a friend to her, but I'd let her figure out what she wants in the long run...be patient grasshopper...
     
  4. Mar 19, 2010 at 5:37 PM
    #4
    THXEY

    THXEY Panda Jerk

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    x2.leave her alone for a while. her husband meeting her needs or not --- you have no right to meet those needs for her. let her work it out but stay friends. its not your issue.
     
  5. Mar 19, 2010 at 5:41 PM
    #5
    RoyB

    RoyB [OP] Well-Known Member

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    I agree. I do not think I will meet her while she is married. I guess I am more looking for advice to give her. I suggested talking to him, but she said it hasn't worked. Am I wrong in suggesting maybe moving on?
     
  6. Mar 19, 2010 at 5:41 PM
    #6
    tacomaprerunner

    tacomaprerunner Dang liberals.

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    I agree with Panda Jerk. You can support her, but you gotta let her work it out herself without you intervening in any way. It's her marriage, not yours. You're in a difficult situation, and you can't do anything you'll regret. Best of luck to her and you.
     
  7. Mar 19, 2010 at 5:47 PM
    #7
    squad314

    squad314 Thinks he's Steve McQueen

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    DANGER!......Be careful Roy. Supportive but careful. I'm X5 with the advice from above.
     
  8. Mar 19, 2010 at 5:49 PM
    #8
    edc

    edc Well-Known Member

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    Yah man! Give advice but stay away from her i understand the history but respect her marriage it's the moral thing to do. "thou shall not covet thy neighbor's wife" that's the commandment. It's only my take on the matter hope you'll be enlightened.
     
  9. Mar 19, 2010 at 5:51 PM
    #9
    Redfox1

    Redfox1 'Stralia! Riding Roo's and wrangling koalas

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    I agree with the let her figure out her situation part. But he should still let her know that he is interested in her and not just cut contact. If i were you id tell her that i like her, but she is married and needs to figure out her current situation first and then we will talk.
     
  10. Mar 19, 2010 at 5:51 PM
    #10
    RoyB

    RoyB [OP] Well-Known Member

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    How do I be supportive without sounding like I just want her for myself. I rather her be happy (married or not) than not happy. The only saving grace is that she lives 6+ hours away so we can't just meet up for drinks after work one night.
     
  11. Mar 19, 2010 at 5:51 PM
    #11
    Brunes

    Brunes abides.

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    Yeah...Even talking in a situation like this can be dangerous. He gets suspicious and hacks into her Facebook- and finds something from you...with your full name and your other info.

    I mean you can try to help- but she needs to make a decision about her life. And I would keep an arms distance until then man.
     
  12. Mar 19, 2010 at 6:09 PM
    #12
    Brunes

    Brunes abides.

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    And stay outta the fuck too!!:eek:
     
  13. Mar 20, 2010 at 5:46 AM
    #13
    RoyB

    RoyB [OP] Well-Known Member

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    :rolleyes: even if I had no interest in her beyond being a friend I would still say something. I would hate to be some friends of the people here if I was in a bad relationship and no one opened my eyes. Better to get out now than having 2 kids and finally getting sick of it. People live on the hopes that a relationship will get better with time if it's bad....rarely does it get better, seems to only get worse with time. When you are in the relationship, it's hard to see it that way though.
     
  14. Mar 20, 2010 at 6:27 AM
    #14
    Ccwahoo

    Ccwahoo "The Emblem of a Free Man is a Gun"

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    For every hot chick out there, theirs a dude tired of banging her.
     
  15. Mar 20, 2010 at 6:31 AM
    #15
    mjp2

    mjp2 Living vicariously though myself Moderator

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    Fixed that for you. RoyB, start posting some pictures! :D
     
  16. Mar 20, 2010 at 8:43 AM
    #16
    mntbiker2008

    mntbiker2008 First I derp.. then I herp

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    X1000000000000..... sounds like a major shit storm just brewing. best you can do is be supportive and hope she makes the right decision.
     
  17. Mar 20, 2010 at 8:54 AM
    #17
    luk8272

    luk8272 Poodoo

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  18. Mar 20, 2010 at 11:29 AM
    #18
    JimBeam

    JimBeam BECAUSE INTERNETS!! Moderator

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    roy...out of pure curiosity...do you still live with that girl? did yall work things out or are you single again too?


    either way you need to keep this married girl at arms length until she's fully separated (im not sure how your state does it but if you were in SC id say wait till a judge says theyre separated)

    even then i'd be very careful...

    if youre still dating the same girl you were...that's a good excuse for you to NOT meet up with her...or bring the girl along so that everyone behaves...

    otherwise just be supportive of her and her decisions...even if its to stay with him...


    i've made it a habit in MY life to NOT delve into other's personal relationship issues (no matter how close a friend) unless some sort of abuse (be it emotional or physical) is involved...relationships are a very tricky subject and despite what everyone else sees and thinks...there is only 1 person who can make the decision that needs to be made...and thats only going to happen when that person decides that it needs to be done...not because all their friends tell them it does...

    again...be there for her...give her an ear...but keep it at arms length
     
  19. Mar 20, 2010 at 11:33 AM
    #19
    eordonez

    eordonez Living vicariously through mjp2

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    stay away from others people relationships, specially marriages, I dont know why is this even an issue..
     
  20. Mar 20, 2010 at 11:44 AM
    #20
    JohnnyTaco

    JohnnyTaco Speed Holes

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    All I could think of was DANGER WILL ROBINSON, DANGER!!!! :eek: ( shaking my arms like a robot )
     
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