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Friend's Suicide

Discussion in 'Prayers & Support' started by Waking the Dead, Mar 23, 2010.

  1. Mar 23, 2010 at 11:23 PM
    #1
    Waking the Dead

    Waking the Dead [OP] Well-Known Member

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    Mike
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    My friend shot himself yesterday.
    I've never been close to anyone that ever did that.
    He's been depressed but I never thought he would do it.
    They tried to send me home from work but I stayed to try to seem strong.
    I was numb all day.
    I found myself staring off in the distance deep in thought and suddenly realizing I was still at work.
    Have any of you gone through this?
    What should I expect?
    I've thought of things I should have done and feel guilty.
    I'm not looking for pity, just advice.
    I really don't know what to think right now.
    I can't talk to anyone at work because I don't want to seem weak.
    It's easy to talk to you guys and gals because I'll never see you but I still feel close to you.
    This forum is a brotherhood.

    Thanks,
    Mike
     
  2. Mar 23, 2010 at 11:26 PM
    #2
    derekabraham

    derekabraham Living vicariously through everybody

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    :(


    In my thoughts.



    My only advice is to stay strong and try to keep your head up. :eek:
     
  3. Mar 23, 2010 at 11:28 PM
    #3
    blackwatertaco

    blackwatertaco If you ain't stuck, You ain't tryin hard enough.

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    OMG, That sucks, I had a friend in HS that shot himself, He wasn't a real close friend but it was a hard few months for me and the rest of the school.

    My buddy at work his son hung himself. He had alot going for him, He was in the ARMY had twins, And a wife. I don't know what goes wrong in some peoples heads but it's truly sad. All I can say is pray, and stay strong.

    Prayers sent.
     
  4. Mar 23, 2010 at 11:36 PM
    #4
    rzimm001

    rzimm001 Tearmytaco

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    For some people this world won't every be right. And in their own minds it must be better on the other side. That's there decision but it does't make it any easier I know. My uncle ended his own life a few months ago after battling acoholism. What can you do....
     
  5. Mar 23, 2010 at 11:37 PM
    #5
    t-frax

    t-frax Well-Known Member

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    I am very sorry for your loss Mike. I work at a funeral home and it is never easy each time dealing with a loss of a loved one. Right now you are handling it your way and there is no right or wrong answer to that. It's okay to feel guilt about what you could have down different, most if not everyone in your situation does. But as harsh as this may sound, don't dwell on it. Remember the good times with your friend and as the days go on, you will begin to celebrate his life instead of mourning his death. Stay strong Mike and as cliche as this may sound, showing your emotions at work or to your friends or your family is not a sign of weakness.
     
  6. Mar 23, 2010 at 11:40 PM
    #6
    regcab4x4

    regcab4x4 Well-Known Member

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    First of all Im sorry for your loss.
    Showing emotion, mourning, confusion etc... all things that people experience differently when faced with the loss of a loved one.
    Its very important that you know you're not "weak" for anything you're feeling or expressing those feelings.
     
  7. Mar 23, 2010 at 11:41 PM
    #7
    eordonez

    eordonez Living vicariously through mjp2

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    sorry for your loss
     
  8. Mar 24, 2010 at 12:03 AM
    #8
    Waking the Dead

    Waking the Dead [OP] Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for the advice and sympathy everyone.
    Guess it will just take time... :playball:
     
  9. Mar 24, 2010 at 12:09 AM
    #9
    MOT

    MOT Prez of @BattleBornToyotas

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    You mite not be to in to the GOD but i think you should pray and ask him to help you with the pain that you are going through right now. I wish you the best and will be praying for you and his family
     
  10. Mar 24, 2010 at 12:14 AM
    #10
    john32

    john32 Well-Known Member

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    im sorry to hear about your loss. my prayers and thoughts are with you and your family and friends. stay strong, remember the good times and you will get through this
     
  11. Mar 24, 2010 at 12:21 AM
    #11
    HBMurphy

    HBMurphy Ban Pending

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    I lost my two best friends at age 15. My brother was responsible for their death - although I didn't know that for years to come... it has fucked him up his entire life - in and out of mental hospitals. I came from a rural town and had few friends at the time. Looking back on it now I should have integrated with others sooner. It has affected me in my earlier years by not letting people too close - I didn't want to loose again.

    My advice to you - cut out the need to be strong and let the natural healing process work itself. Do you want to be strong today or for the rest of your life? I am sorry to hear of your loss. As everyone has said, bring people closer to you and you will be better off. Your friend, while in his right mind, would want you to be a real man. And a real man dosen't become a stone. There is a time and place to be hard. You are not on a battle field so stone cold is not required.

    Best to you you and, once again, I am sorry to hear of your loss.
     
  12. Mar 24, 2010 at 4:21 AM
    #12
    Simon's Mom

    Simon's Mom Wag More Bark Less

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    Mike, I am so sorry to hear about your friend. You are not weak, just a guy who cared about a friend & admits it. That is admirable.

    My best friend from high school committed suicide when I was 18.
    In our senior year, her boyfriend had dumped her so she turned to drugs & alcohol. She was incredibly gifted but had lots of pressures from her family to succeed.
    Needless to say she went in and out of mental institutions/rehab while I went on to college. She would come to visit me but was beyond just partying, more like girls gone wild before her time & I really worried about her. Sadly, on one of her weekend furloughs, she chose to take all her medication and end her life.

    For a long time, I allowed her death to haunt me. Kinda like you said, the what ifs.
    What if I had paid more attention when she came to visit?
    What if I only listened better & visited her in the hospital?
    What if her boyfriend did'nt break up with her? what if, what if, WHAT IF!
    I would swing from really sad to really mad. I tried to drink and keep it in to forget about it. I would visit her grave when I went home and just cry.
    What I know now, which I did not at 18, is the grief process has 5 stages (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance).
    Everyone goes through the process differently. For me, it took me until I was in my 30s to final come to acceptance with her death with the help of others. I wasn't weak for asking for help.
    Since then, I have walked through with dignity and honor the loss of many more friends and family. I read here the challenges others face and can be there for them. Its giving back what was freely given.

    Please keep talking if you need to, know that there was nothing you could do and it was not your fault.
    It was not your plan and you were there for your friend as best you could. You can be there for his family.
    I pray you are given strength during this difficult time & am so sorry to hear about losing your friend. We are all hear if you need to talk or vent. :pray:
     
  13. Mar 24, 2010 at 4:27 AM
    #13
    rc51ny

    rc51ny Well-Known Member

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    May your friend RIP. As a high school principal, I've had to help many families and friends through these tough times. All I can say is remember the good times you had with him. Also, there is probably NOTHING you could have done to change his actions. Yes, you may feel some quilt now, but it really doesn't rest on your shoulders. It's OK to feel sad--just share that with someone you trust. Good luck!
     
  14. Mar 24, 2010 at 4:49 AM
    #14
    Doc.SS

    Doc.SS ︻╦╤─

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    Find someone you can talk to about your feelings. This is probably one of the easiest things to do yet the hardest.
     
  15. Mar 24, 2010 at 4:56 AM
    #15
    richard4878

    richard4878 Active Member

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    First off, may your bud RIP. Second, dont pretend to be strong, get help.

    6 months ago yesterday, I came home to find my younger brother had shot himself in the room I rented to him. He was 1 week shy of his 23rd birthday. It was hell, I pretended everything was alright and tried to be the strong one for family and friends. After a month I basically went into seclusion and pushed everyone away, his death was consuming my life. Finally after splitting with my girlfriend and just being an utter prick to everyone around me, I took my moms advice to seek counseling. It has helped immensly with the feelings of guilt and anger.

    It doesnt make you weak to seek help.

    Feel free to PM me if you need to discuss it further.

    Rick
     
  16. Mar 24, 2010 at 5:11 AM
    #16
    98tacoma27

    98tacoma27 is gooder 'en chicken Moderator

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    There is no weakness in crying. There is no shame in asking for help. It takes a bigger man to face his feelings and seek assistance than it does to hide from them. I guarantee that no one will think you are weak for talking to them about it.

    Your employer may have a help line you can call. It should be free. I would suggest looking into it.
    Well said. +1
     
  17. Mar 24, 2010 at 5:23 AM
    #17
    spatchley

    spatchley Well-Known Member

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    I lost a good friend on St. Pattys day last year. He had been dealing with alot of issues i.e. nightmares, depression, anxiety. He was always a heavy drinker. He used it to forget. The night he died he tried to call me. I was on my motorcycle and didn't hear it ring. I decided not to call him back. The next day my phone rang with his number. I answered the phone expecting to hear all about his drunken night. Instead I heard his wife crying. She told me he had taken his sleeping pills and pain medication after drinking very heavily. I was overwhelmed by guilt. I didn't answer his call and blamed myself for not being there for him in his time of need. I called my closest friends and shared my guilt. Over time I have come to realize that there was most likely nothing I could have done to change his actions. I still think of him and his family on a daily basis


    Find someone you trust and share how you are feeling. You can never get through it if you don't acknowledge it. Suicide has a terrible effect on everyone connected to the person and all we can do is carry on with our lives and keep them in our memories
     
  18. Mar 24, 2010 at 5:25 AM
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    fletch aka

    fletch aka www.BeLikeBrit.org

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    So very sorry to hear, thoughts and prayers for yourself and his family.
     
  19. Mar 24, 2010 at 5:36 AM
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    Brunes

    Brunes abides.

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    That's so sad to here- RIP to your friend.
    And it's been said- Forget about "appearing strong" man- Do what you gotta do to work it out for yourself. If staring off into space is helping- Go for it. If you need to cry or work out or whatever....Do that.

    I had a buddy who hung himself in high school, about a week after a close friend of mine was killed in a car accident. It gets harder and harder if you don't talk about it- I was with a great group of friends so it wasn't a happy time- but we got thru it will. Some folks really got hit hard tho.

    Good wishes for you and your friends and family man!!
     
  20. Mar 24, 2010 at 8:49 AM
    #20
    Waking the Dead

    Waking the Dead [OP] Well-Known Member

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    I knew I would get some similar stories from you guys and it helps, thanks.

    I just realized I'm using a silly username and sig.
    I wish I could wake the dead.

    Thanks all. :pray:
     
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