How to spot future brother in laws potential drug use?

actually looks like a good movie, I should put it on tonight when he comes home.

I pretty much thought thats what we were doing the last time his dad came over, but it was just a lot of "whats going on" "why are you acting like this" I think his dad just assumed he was drunk and rambling.

 

Thats what cops + insurance are for, just tell him that you dont want that in your house.

 

I've already told him his friends are bad news. he only has a couple friends that he hangs out with, I have made the comment about if anything in my house is missing I will put a gun to there head and find my shit....maybe not the best comment but thought I'd let him know

 

this shit is stressing me out

 

Don't let them stay over then...as said earlier, he's a adult, no need to nuture. Flight or fight for him.

 

yeah obviously something is going on so i guess he needs to go

 

If your house gets raided because he is selling drugs, the cops can and probably will seize your house and kick you out too. Probably best to get him out before that happens if he is on drugs

 

john after reading all of this, it's pretty clear. regardless of whether or not you have "proof" of any actual drug use (and to me, it seems obvious that he is doing coke or worse, i've lived with guys like that in college), this guy's presence in YOUR house is making YOU uncomfortable. the bottom line is, his sketchy behavior and friends are reason enough to tell him it's time to leave, it just isn't working out for you. you really don't need any more reason than that. this is your house, do as you please. you don't "owe" him anything. being stressed out in your own home is ridiculous. the world is a stressful enough place, why add to it by allowing this to go on under your roof?

here's a little friendly advice from someone who owns rental property. give him until a certain day to leave. if he doesn't, wait until he is not home, then gather all his crap, and take it over to his parents house, as if he was never there. change locks on all your doors. let him prove in a court of law that he was ever your tenant. once they are out of your house, they'll never bother to try all of that hassle to get back in. hopefully it doesn't come to that. good luck. i don't envy you.

 

I doubt he is selling drugs, my dad told his employees that whenever there at the shop to keep a lookout on the house if my trucks not there. My dad did say something today about how some old POS car was in the driveway the other day while some guy ran up to the door, while another kid stayed in the car. But the kid was just picking up my brother inlaw. Kid didn't even go in the house. But who knows I guess there is always the possibility of selling drugs, I just haven't seen enough activity here at the house to assume it yet

 

thanks for the input! I guess I pretty much made this thread to rant, and the whole time I knew the right thing that I need to do. I just try to be too nice of a guy but unfortunately he feels the ruin the opportunity I gave him. Basically at this point I'm waiting for him to walk through the door, and either A) Be high or B) Be pissed off at me because his parents talked to him. Either way, my fiance texted me not too long ago saying how her parents also agreed that he shouldn't be living in the house.(This was also kind of a concern was having her parents upset with me for a little for kicking him out) But I also have talked to her dad about the stress he causes me and he understands what I'm going through, of course being his son he didn't want to bash him too hard all he really said was "He has a lot of maturing to do" But this talk was also before we started getting suspicion on drugs and sketchy friends... When I first invited him to live with us her dad was thrilled, because he has dropped out of college two semesters now(mostly because he didn't have transportation there..I was like uhh the bus?) anways he hoped that by my fiance and I finishing college and work hard at school we would be a good influence towards him to also do well in school. Unfortunately I guess when you have friends that don't go to school you also feel you shouldn't have too.(many of my good friends dont go to school but i still do. So I dont see it as a good excuse)

 

well he's home, he tried talking to me a little so I guess his parents haven't said anything to him yet.

 

We can give you all the advice in the world, but it all in vain if you dont confront him and talk to him about it.

Be honest, open, and non judgmental. He'll probably let you in on whats up in his life.

He may be doin drugs, he may be depressed and suicidal too.

Do whats right, dont be a dick, and find out whats going on. I can only play internet detective and make assumptions during my free time, or whenever i give a fuck. You have the option to solve the fucking mystery yourself... DO IT.

Also, as much as your fiance will deny it, she will resent you if you dont try to talk it out with her brother first before treating him like a piece of shit and tossing him to the curb.

Have fun with that in marriage counseling.

 

Well good evidence has now arrived at the house. His tweaked friend showed up around 12 this kid was supposed to be in a 4 month rehab.. Didn't last 2 weeks. Only was here for an hour and they were in my spare bedroom. I was out messing with my truck before I realized he was there. Told him to get out and he did. My brother in law left for work a little bit ago but before he did I told him how fucking stupid his friend is if he can't last even 2 weeks. He argued his friends case a little then left. I was outside for a little and came back in and started to smell weed so I opened the bathroom door, nothing cracked open his bedroom door nothing. Finally opened up The third bedroom and smelled it good and all the windows were open. So I'm looking around for his bong to break it and find a box next to it. Inside is his weed, tin foil a glass pipe that is narrow on one side ad widens out on the other, and a small bag with what looks like black oilish shit in it. I took it out to my dads shop and he said he thinks it's heroin....

 

So I guess I can give you guys a little update. My fiance talked to her parents and told them about the suspicious activities that have been happening. They didn't really know how to take it, but said they were going to talk to him. I mentioned in the last post that after I smelt the smoke in the room, I had gone looking around the room for his bong or any weed, which I found.(This was in the spare bedroom so I felt there should be no reason I couldn't look around...it is my house..or my parents but still..) So I found the box with the brown substance in it, the foil, the glass pipe(which I had figured it was a bong stem but still it was suspicous since his bong had a stem in it, and he's not the kind of person that would swap these out) I showed my parents and my uncle and they said it looked like heroin, but they had also never seen heroin. My cousin came over to look at it,(his ex wife had done heroin so i thought he could help) He looked at it and had some suspicion but said it could also be hash(which I also had an idea it could be). Later on my buddy came over and I showed him. He's made hash and has smoked it. He smelled it and almost gagged, said he's never seen/smelled hash like that. So I texted my fiance while she was at work and took a picture of it to show her, and to keep for evidence if he decided to dispose of it. Anyways I waited for my brother in law to get home from work. And calmly(I have a problem with just going ape shit on people when I assume there doing something and didn't want him to get too defensive right away) So I straight up asked him why he smoked in the house. Immediately his head went down and said "Sorry dude" in which I replied "your not sorry, sorry means you did it once and you won't do it again. You've done it a couple times that I know about. And who knows how many times I dont" He sat down on the couch to watch television with me, and I let him settle down a minute. Then I said "So whats in the box next to your bong" He replied "what do you mean? just my weed" I said "(his name) I'm not dumb what else is in the box" he Replied "dude it's just my weed thats it" Me:" Whats the brown shit in the plastic" he denied it a couple times that anything was in the plastic. Finally he was like "Oh It's not what you think, its not H" (I've heard that slang tossed around a little for Heroin)..I also never said anything about Heroin to him. I said "well then what is it" Brother in law said " oh it's a wrapper from a hash lollipop" My buddy was still there(probably shouldn't have had him there for when I was talking to him) but my buddy was like " thats the grossest hash I've ever smelt" That was the end of the conversation. He could never give me an answer for the foil. So later I waited for my fiance to come home and told her and showed her the box. Later on her brother went to a party or something, and we called up her dad to come over and check out the box. He took it and said "i'll come pick him up in the morning and take him to talk to mom and I".

Basically he denied everything that they said. He admitted his friends did drugs, but he doesn't. Marijuana is his drug and thats it. His parents informed him that we are on the edge of kicking him out. So that was that, and my fiance and I talked about it some more. Basically figuring out what we were going to do. She said she would do the talking and I sit there and chime in.(she talks better then I do anyways haha). So we sat him down, said "listen we know somethings up, we don't know what it is. We know your friends are doing drugs and you admit it. Maybe there was some kind of communication problem when we said no smoking in the house. But there WILL be no more. We are giving you this last chance. Any smell of marijuana in this house and you are out" He then replied about how some of my friends smoke and it could be them. We told him how my friends respect our rules and smoke out side and don't bring the smell in with them. Then we pretty much gave him the rules, no one will be high on hard drugs in our house. We would be responsible if something happend to them in our house, or if they left our house and something happend. I don't know if he will follow our rules or not. But he knows he's litterally hanging by a thread. I don't want to kick him out. I told him "listen it's not about us not liking you, your family what we don't like is the sketchy/high people coming to our house and doing who knows what". I guess I am being a pussy by not kicking him out now, but I dont have strong evidence that he is doing anything hard. But he is on his last straw and yes he will be out next time he breaks one of our rules.. I told him it stresses me out and I dont need to be stressed out in my own house. I gave him a hug(which I was suprised he wasn't pissed at me for confronting him) and he agreed. So I guess we'll see what happens. He could be breaking the rules now, tomorrow, next week, next month either way when it happens he's out... I'm not trying to be a dick, if he doesn't follow rules in a house he lives in, then when will he ever follow rules?

 

I think you will ultimately wind up regretting your decision to let him stay, and that you are just postponing a confrontation now for a worse one later. But it's your call, do what you think is best.

Having dealt with friends with serious drug issues - and let's be frank, your future brother in law has one - do keep in mind that they will lie, cheat and steal from you without any regard for anyone but themselves for as long as they can get away with it. And if by some chance he doesn't do this to you, his drug addicted friends will. I think you are nuts to allow this guy "another chance," but I wish you the best of luck with the situation.

 

if it was me, and i found any drugs in the house, he would be gone. I don't make a distinction between weed and "hard" drugs as you called them. They are all illegal (doesn't sound like he has a "medical" condition) and I would kick him out for that.