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I have become the grinch.

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Discussion' started by TacomaPrime, Apr 1, 2013.

  1. Apr 1, 2013 at 1:16 PM
    #1
    TacomaPrime

    TacomaPrime [OP] Cybertronian Tacoma

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    So my sister, who basically excommunicated my wife and I from her family, because we didn't drive 4 hours for every single one of her kids birthdays, is in the hospital with either a pulmonary embolism, or a really bad lung infection. Not sure which yet.
    My mother just called me to tell me this. The problem is I was just kind of like, "uh huh" "ok" It didn't really faze me. I kind of don't care too much.
    I mean, my sister basically uses her kids as pawns against my wife and I, makes completely unrealistic demands of us, (she expects us to show up for every birthday, every year. Her kids birthdays are now in march, april, july and September. I can't afford to make that trip that many times a year). She sends back gifts we try to send my nephews, and doesn't even give them to them. I tried calling and making amends once, and she didn't answer the phone. Texted me the next day saying that that wasn't a good time to talk. And I haven't hear back from her since.

    Would I be a complete asshole if I just don't give a shit?
     
  2. Apr 1, 2013 at 1:17 PM
    #2
    krap22

    krap22 Well-Known Member

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    Nope, no need for that BULL.
     
  3. Apr 1, 2013 at 1:18 PM
    #3
    127.0.0.1

    127.0.0.1 AKA ::1

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    nope. free yourself
     
  4. Apr 1, 2013 at 1:18 PM
    #4
    benbacher

    benbacher Purveyor of Fun Vendor

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    In short, yes. I went through something similar, and looking at the other side of it now, it was time wasted that I could have spent enjoying my family. This could be an opportunity for you to step back into good graces with her.
     
  5. Apr 1, 2013 at 1:19 PM
    #5
    rob1

    rob1 Well-Known Member

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    I know it don't matter, but just wondering..is she your only sister??
     
  6. Apr 1, 2013 at 1:20 PM
    #6
    TacomaPrime

    TacomaPrime [OP] Cybertronian Tacoma

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    Yes.
     
  7. Apr 1, 2013 at 1:21 PM
    #7
    TacomaPrime

    TacomaPrime [OP] Cybertronian Tacoma

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    I've gotten back into good graces with her before, only for her to place more demands on us, and everything go straight to hell again. Her "My way or the highway" attitude regarding attending her kids birthday parties EVERY year, just doesn't fly with me.
     
  8. Apr 1, 2013 at 1:22 PM
    #8
    BigHeadTaco

    BigHeadTaco GFY

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    I agree. And dont forget your nieces and nephews, it is not their fault that their mother is a B.
     
  9. Apr 1, 2013 at 1:22 PM
    #9
    SoCaltaco65

    SoCaltaco65 Well-Known Member

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    Nope, not at all. You tried to do the best of your abilities to reach out to her and her children, if it wasn't good enough Tough. I'm sorry she is in the hospital, but in any relationship Family or love it takes 2.
     
  10. Apr 1, 2013 at 1:24 PM
    #10
    MightyMouse-SCT

    MightyMouse-SCT Well-Known Member

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    Yes . Be the better person .
     
  11. Apr 1, 2013 at 1:26 PM
    #11
    moto932

    moto932 What's the matter, Colonel Sandurz? CHICKEN?

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  12. Apr 1, 2013 at 1:28 PM
    #12
    Seabass

    Seabass I need to go return some videotapes...

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    I'm in a similar situation with my own sister, and she lives 3 miles away from me. She's the prissy conservative church-goer who does everything by the book, and I'm the black sheep that takes risks and lives life (with no harm to others of course). She has basically blacklisted me in front of my two nephews who used to be great with me. Now if they see me at a "family" event, they won't come near me because I'm the sinner who doesn't go to church and live like they do.

    The way I look at it is this... humans are designed to leave the nest when they turn into young adults. As a species, we aren't programmed to stick around our families in a world so full of resources and responsibilities. They live their lives, I live mine. Case closed and I'm the happy one of the family.
     
  13. Apr 1, 2013 at 1:31 PM
    #13
    teamamerica

    teamamerica Get off your horse and drink your milk.

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    "Be the better person" is a bunch of bullshit created by someone who had no balls, and wanted an excuse for beign a pussy. Forget her, it's like having a mother that abandons you until she is about to die she has center. She isn't really a mother. A mom is someone who was there for you, likewise for a sister. Someone's a dick on there death bed, tell then they are a dick so if they get better they may realize how shitty of a person they have been
     
  14. Apr 1, 2013 at 1:32 PM
    #14
    moondeath

    moondeath Plenty of slaves for my robot colony?

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    If you've already tried with her and she continually causes problems, you can't fix something that she has wrong with herself. Until she does that there's no reason to let her to affect your families happiness.
     
    Last edited: Apr 1, 2013
  15. Apr 1, 2013 at 1:33 PM
    #15
    benbacher

    benbacher Purveyor of Fun Vendor

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    I won't try and convince you either way, all I know, is that for me? It took me being vulnerable with my sister and being very honest with where I was at, explaining how she had hurt me and what her behavior meant to me personally, in a way that was COMPLETELY free of attack or shame for her, for her and I to be able to hug it out.

    Never before or since has someone angered me as much as she had, but she's still my sister, and that's not going to change. You can write off just about anyone, but when it comes to family, it'll always leave you emptier than before. It's just different that way.

    If its anything like my situation, you're at a place where you tell yourself all the time that you just don't care, but really, what's happening is you're trying to convince yourself you don't care so you don't have to care.

    Now that's me projecting what I went through onto your situation and it may not be totally accurate, but for me, that's what happened. Ultimately, being repeatedly open and honest with her and crying my eyes out made all the difference, and I'm so glad it did. I wanted to love my sister, but there were genuinely things that had to be put out there in order for to love (verb) her.
     
  16. Apr 1, 2013 at 1:35 PM
    #16
    TacomaPrime

    TacomaPrime [OP] Cybertronian Tacoma

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    I've tried being the better person on multiple occasions, and it is always met with disdain and more demands. I have apologized till I was blue in the face, and its never helped. I haven't spoken to her in over two years now, and those two years have been the happiest, most stress free that my wife and I have had in forever.
    oh and, nevermind the fact that her and her family have never once come to visit us, because according to her, it's too hard to go on trips with kids. Yet my wifes parents drive down from minnesota, 10 hours, at least twice a year to visit us. They have multiple hip/leg issues which makes it hard for them to walk, and also bring their dog with them.
     
  17. Apr 1, 2013 at 1:35 PM
    #17
    Skinny Rogers

    Skinny Rogers U know fish can hear u thinking just b4 u sneeze

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    Ur in a tough spot op. On one hand it's terrible that she sends the gifts back and has excommunicated u and ur wife. That's not ur fault that she wants u at every birthday. But it's hard to make them all financially and I understand that. She is taking a very spoiled and demanding position on this. Kinda like its her way or the highway and that's not how adults r supposed to act. Sorry if I overstepped my boundary. But on the other hand she is family and there is nothing more important than that. She's ur only sis and god forbid anything ever happen to her and u live with that regret. So I would try to def reach out and if she shoots u down keep trying. There has to b common ground and she needs to meet u half way so y'all can start rebuilding. Just my .02. Good luck.
     
  18. Apr 1, 2013 at 1:39 PM
    #18
    rickmeseke

    rickmeseke subaru of america

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    if youve sent gifts and tried calling her, screw her.

    my opinion, ive been told im cold hearted so dont listen to me
     
  19. Apr 1, 2013 at 1:39 PM
    #19
    DeeKay21

    DeeKay21 Lieutenant Dan.

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    I dont think your in the wrong if you dont care cause at least your making an effort and sending gifts to your nieces and nephews and she should be ashamed of herself using the kids to get back at you guys. Yeah shes still your sister but if shes not going to act like it and act like a 5-year old then so be it. I'd still try and be in the kids lives if I was your thought since your uncle.
     
  20. Apr 1, 2013 at 1:47 PM
    #20
    ABA180

    ABA180 It burns when I pee....

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    Nope. Sometimes it's called protecting yourself.

    My aunt (who lives in Canada so it's not like I see her anyway) is just a selfish and manipulative person. I had to be nice to her when my grandparents were alive so she didn't try to turn them against me but I made it clear to my parents (she is on my mom's side) that I want nothing to do with her or her children, that they are not to give her my phone number or address and not to bring her near my house if she comes to visit..and that if she is coming that I am to be notified before they arrive and after they leave so I don't stop by and run into her.

    Not as bad as you but my sis and I weren't close growing up. I've tried to bridge the gap as we've gotten older and have our own lives but it's not returned unless she needs something. Hurts especially that I barely see my niece and nephews and they aren't that far away.

    Maybe you could just tell yourself you hope she makes it through, even if just for her childrens' sake whom I'm sure you still love..that's easy enough and places the blame where it lies solely.
     
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