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Jokes

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Discussion' started by Wolftaco0503, Dec 24, 2016.

Page 2 of 3
  1. Dec 25, 2016 at 5:53 PM
    #21
    ThunderCookies

    #21
    ThunderCookies This is the Wait

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    Get out
     
    ThunderCookies, Dec 25, 2016
    #21
    verynearlypure, AeroCooper, rngr and 1 other person like this.
  2. Dec 25, 2016 at 5:55 PM
    #22
    Fitz235

    #22
    Fitz235 Well-Known Member

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    I'll interpret that as "What?"

    Walnuts.
     
    Fitz235, Dec 25, 2016
    #22
    verynearlypure and rngr like this.
  3. Dec 25, 2016 at 5:56 PM
    #23
    Fitz235

    #23
    Fitz235 Well-Known Member

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    What do you call nuts on a chest?
     
    Fitz235, Dec 25, 2016
    #23
  4. Dec 25, 2016 at 5:57 PM
    #24
    ThunderCookies

    #24
    ThunderCookies This is the Wait

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    I said get out :devil:
     
    ThunderCookies, Dec 25, 2016
    #24
    verynearlypure, AeroCooper and Fitz235[QUOTED] like this.
  5. Dec 25, 2016 at 5:58 PM
    #25
    Fitz235

    #25
    Fitz235 Well-Known Member

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    Another "What?" you ask?

    Chestnuts.
     
    Fitz235, Dec 25, 2016
    #25
    verynearlypure likes this.
  6. Dec 25, 2016 at 5:59 PM
    #26
    Fitz235

    #26
    Fitz235 Well-Known Member

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    What do you call nuts on a chin?
     
    Fitz235, Dec 25, 2016
    #26
  7. Dec 25, 2016 at 6:00 PM
    #27
    ThunderCookies

    #27
    ThunderCookies This is the Wait

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    Well...now I'm interested...
     
    ThunderCookies, Dec 25, 2016
    #27
  8. Dec 25, 2016 at 6:01 PM
    #28
    Fitz235

    #28
    Fitz235 Well-Known Member

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    ...Blow job.
     
    Fitz235, Dec 25, 2016
    #28
    verynearlypure, rngr and ThunderCookies[QUOTED] like this.
  9. Dec 25, 2016 at 6:03 PM
    #29
    Steves104x4

    #29
    Steves104x4 Well-Known Member

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    BUCKLE UP! It makes it harder for Aliens to pull you out of your Truck.
    Why is George Michael going to be buried with his rear end sticking out of the ground? Answer: So his friends can "drop in for a cold one"
     
    Last edited: Dec 28, 2016
    Steves104x4, Dec 25, 2016
    #29
  10. Dec 25, 2016 at 6:10 PM
    #30
    ThunderCookies

    #30
    ThunderCookies This is the Wait

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    Too soon? His body isn't even cold yet :facepalm:
     
    ThunderCookies, Dec 25, 2016
    #30
    AeroCooper likes this.
  11. Dec 25, 2016 at 6:23 PM
    #31
    lowrange

    #31
    lowrange Supreme Commander of the Army of the Tacoma

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    It was 5:00 in the morning at the U.S. Marine boot camp, well below freezing, and the soldiers were asleep in their barracks. The drill sergeant walks in and bellows, "This is an inspection! I wanna see you's all formed up outside butt naked NOW!" So, the soldier's quickly jumped out of bed, naked and shivering, and ran outside to form up in their three ranks. The sarge walked out and yells, "Close up the ranks, conserve your body heat!" So they close in slightly... The captain comes along with his swagger stick. He goes to the first soldier and whacks him right across the chest with it. "DID THAT HURT?" he yells. "No, Sir!" came the reply. "Why not?" "Because I'm a U.S. Marine, Sir!" The captain is impressed, and walks on to the next man. He takes the stick and whacks the soldier right across the rear. "Did THAT hurt?" "No, Sir!" "Why not?" "Because I'm a U.S. Marine, Sir!" Still extremely impressed, the captain walks to the third guy, and sees he has an enormous erection. Naturally, he gave his target a huge WHACK with the swagger stick. "Did THAT hurt?" "No, Sir!" "Why not?" "Because it belongs to the guy behind me, Sir!"
     
    lowrange, Dec 25, 2016
    #31
    Steves104x4 likes this.
  12. Dec 25, 2016 at 6:37 PM
    #32
    Skrain

    #32
    Skrain Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.

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    The remnants of the Spanish Armada limp back to Spain after being thoroughly defeated by the British navy. The Commanding Admiral is summoned to appear before the King of Spain and explain his failure.
    When he does, the King stares at him, then asks "Why did you fail in your mission?"
    The Admiral says. "Your Highness, he had no chance! The British Navy was so much more advanced then we were! Why, when our ships were barely able to move in the light winds, their ships were sailing rings around us!"
    The King asks; "And Why was that, Admiral? What was their Secret?"
    The Admiral answers; "Sire, they just knew how to get more miles to the Galleon!"
     
    Skrain, Dec 25, 2016
    #32
  13. Dec 25, 2016 at 6:37 PM
    #33
    03f5sp

    #33
    03f5sp Well-Known Member

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    Q) What's the difference between a joke and two dicks?

    A) You can't take a joke.

    --------------

    Q) Why did God give women yeast infections?

    A) So they know what it's like dealing with an irritating cunt for once.
     
    03f5sp, Dec 25, 2016
    #33
  14. Dec 25, 2016 at 7:37 PM
    #34
    t4daddy

    #34
    t4daddy Well-Known Member

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    No, The Man Show just used clips from what I'm talking about, (TMS was good though). This was before.

    Edit: a quick search reveals it was The Chimp Channel from TBS. Great Stuff...

    https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Chimp_Channel
     
    Last edited: Dec 25, 2016
    t4daddy, Dec 25, 2016
    #34
  15. Dec 26, 2016 at 6:36 AM
    #35
    ThunderCookies

    #35
    ThunderCookies This is the Wait

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    When you buy a bigger bed you get more bed room but less bedroom

    [​IMG]
     
    ThunderCookies, Dec 26, 2016
    #35
  16. Dec 28, 2016 at 8:34 PM
    #36
    ThunderCookies

    #36
    ThunderCookies This is the Wait

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    What's Harry Potter's favorite way to get down a hill?
     
    ThunderCookies, Dec 28, 2016
    #36
  17. Dec 28, 2016 at 8:34 PM
    #37
    ThunderCookies

    #37
    ThunderCookies This is the Wait

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    Walking
     
    ThunderCookies, Dec 28, 2016
    #37
  18. Dec 28, 2016 at 8:34 PM
    #38
    ThunderCookies

    #38
    ThunderCookies This is the Wait

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    JK....Rolling

    :rimshot:
     
    ThunderCookies, Dec 28, 2016
    #38
  19. Feb 16, 2017 at 12:48 PM
    #39
    tacitos

    #39
    tacitos Tah-Key-Toes

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    Hey girl, you like to barbecue?

    cos I'm about to slap some meat on your grill.

    *file this under 'pick-up lines with low success rates'.
     
    tacitos, Feb 16, 2017
    #39
  20. Apr 14, 2017 at 5:27 AM
    #40
    Tactical_Panda

    #40
    Tactical_Panda Armchair Anarchist

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    Resurrecting this thread.

    The Fable of the Porcupines

    It was the coldest winter ever. Many animals died because of the cold. The porcupines, realizing the situation, decided to group together. This way, they covered and protected themselves; but, the quills of each one wounded their closest companions even though they gave off heat to each other.

    After awhile, they decided to distance themselves one from the other and they began to die, alone and frozen. So they had to make a choice: either accept the quills of their companions or disappear from the Earth.

    Wisely, they decided to go back to being together. This way they learned to live with the little wounds that were caused by the close relationship with their companions, but the most important part of it, was the warmth that came from the others. This way they were able to survive.

    The best relationship is not the one that brings together perfect people, but the best is when each individual learns to live with the imperfections of others and can admire the other person's good qualities.

    The Moral of the story: Your life is full of pricks so you might as well learn to live with them.
     
    Tactical_Panda, Apr 14, 2017
    #40
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