Marriage

You win the interwebz.

People change. As do we as individuals. Sometimes consciously, sometimes not.

An old girlfriend and I were together 6 years, we met very young (21 and 17). We did have a couple of off periods in that time but remained friends.

Obviously we were both still growing up just in age, and definitely were in particular. The people we became weren't the ones we were in some ways..and a part of her that wasn't ideal at the start never changed either. I'll hasten to add I didn't change for the better in a couple of ways of course.

 

Only been married for 53 years so I guess I couldn't tell you how it works.

 

I hope they have been a great 53 years. Congrats. I have seen couples that were hateful and cruel to each other for over 50 years. Quantity is definitely not always quality.

 

Congrats on that! Long term marriages have become endangered species these days.

 

I'm feeling ya man. It's a shitty place to be. After the last few years I am about ready to swear off women altogether. I've been trying to remember that my life is enviable other than in that realm. My own potential insanity has receded as I focus on other things. Find something that is meaningful to you, and that is better done solo.

As for your last line... for me, the healing happens once I don't need to hate anyone. With my last failed relationship, I recognized where things went wrong, recognized that she wasn't really what I'd hoped, and recognized that being angry only hurts me. She will have to live with her decisions; I choose to move forward.

Many of us have been there, you're not the only one - although I know it can feel like it. This will pass.

 

Honestly if you don't want kids then there's no real reason to get married. I've been married for a little over 3 months now and since we started dating (4 years ago), my life has changed a lot but all for the better. Life goes on if it didn't work out. Just make sure you next partner is an upgrade lol, or stay single.

 

To each their own, to be sure. My wife and I didn't have kids prior nor were we going to. Still married though

 

Nothing wrong with not wanting or having kids, but it's definitely a topic that a couple needs to 100% be on the same page about before committing to marriage or it will become a breaking point.

My wife and I got married at 33yrs old, she had a previous marriage of 7 years that ended a year before we met because her ex suddenly decided he didn't want kids. Ideally most women aim to have children before they're 35 because at 35+ it's considered a 'geriatric pregnancy' and there are more risks involved medically speaking.

Needless to say we got on it pretty quick lol. Our daughter turns a year old next month

 

THIS THIS THIS

My wife made sure I was okay with it not happening before we started getting serious much less engaged, due to her age

 

We've been married 39 years. There are times when you wonder what if , but i think thats only normal. Im sure she saved me from destroying myself when i was younger . I lived fast and wild and she was very conservative. I had a very good paying job and she made sure i made the right decisions.

 

First wives are called starter wives for a reason. They're like a fixer-upper house that teaches you how to throw the towel in. That's the whole point I think. The only real bonus is the boundless rabbit-like sex with a chick that hasn't got any wrinkles or stretch marks (yet).

People definitely change. Tastes, preferences, likes and dislikes, but personalities don't. By 30 that's mostly nailed down. I didn't know that and learned the hard way. My ex-wife was 19 when we met and I thought I could handle the personality, but it evolved a little to my distaste, and then add to that the normal life changes and it was too much. Kids complicate it further. 23 years later and ka-boom. We got married for the wrong reasons and oh boy does it costs a lot to get free, ask me how I know. But being single sucks to me and I'd do it all over again - no doubts about it, just with more wisdom this time.

I hope my whore ex-wife reads this one day. Did Sancho get a job yet? Just curious...

 

I've got a story about a ridiculously short marriage; This was in May or June of 2000, so almost 21 years ago as of this post...

My dad was in the Navy so we moved a lot; My parents sold their 4-year old (At the time; The house was built in 1996 and my parents bought it from the original owners in 1998) 3-bedroom home in Virginia Beach to a newly married (or possibly soon-to-be married) young couple (I'd say both under 30). Their check cleared and they closed on the house without issue; We moved across the country to Oak Harbor, Washington. ...

We had just barely settled into the new place in Washington when our realtor from Virginia Beach emailed my parents to see how we were doing, and she dropped a bombshell; SOMETHING HAPPENED DURING THE HONEYMOON THAT CAUSED THE MARRIAGE TO FAIL! I doubt the newlyweds were married for more two months, and while they had bought the house, I don't think they had moved in yet or even made their first mortgage payment before they split up! From what I remember, they sold the house almost as quickly as they'd bought it and our agent (who had also helped my parents find a house when we moved to Virginia Beach) was shocked to see it back on the market so quickly!

 

Checking in with everyone.

My messages are always open for anyone that need anyone to talk to about anything.

Things get better. Keep your head up.

 

It’s taken 4 or 5 months but I’m back to sleeping well again, smiling and laughing again. The hardest part is trying not romanticize the good times while forgetting the bad times. However being out of the craziness has allowed me to reset and reflect on both of us as people and how disfunctional things had gotten.

She’s a fantastic gal but she’s not wired for serious relationships or co-habitation. She was constantly wound up and super intense, very controlling and demanding and needy. It was exhausting living with her day to day and I wasn’t able to give her what she wanted because I was often totally used up by work and her unpredictable nature.

She’s also a very indecisive and discontented person with a lot of anxiety issues. I was also told by a few people close to her that she sabotaged her personal relationships consistently after a couple years. I was willing to put some faith in us and thought we had bucked the trend. I guess not.

On paper she was perfect. Young, beautiful, ambitious, successful, outgoing and fun. But the other side of her was too difficult to deal with. Once we were married I found it very difficult to just relax and be myself without being tense all the time.

She was the wrong choice. I’m definitely not perfect, I have my flaws but overall I’m a kind, hard working, intelligent, handsome and considerate guy. I have a lot to give but I need someone to send it back my way, build me up, give me space when I need it and trust my decisions.

Onward and upward!

 

I married the wrong person and I am now happily divorced. At the end of the day relationships take a lot of work.
Finding the right person to live with you isn't the easiest thing to do.

 

Long winded. BUT need to get this off my chest for quite some time. GOOD LUCK TO THE OP!

How uplifting and depressing this post has been for me. I was married right at 10 years and we produced two blessings. She's 11 years younger than me and was my "best friend's sister". Completely compatible in every way at first. Kind of. Fairy tale shiat. Fish, hunt repeat. It all ended the first time due to me feeling smothered and not able to be myself. I was selfish. Way too selfish. Even after my first born. I'd get on my motorcycle and be gone for hours. Always been some what of a loner - less noise in my head when people and their problems aren't around. The family knew our sex life and every single thing about me and her. I hated that. I was never "her shoulder" as she was attached to her Mom's apron strings. Still is today. Second time around for us I get my shiat together and take a long look in the mirror and begin to piece together exactly who I am and get to fixing where I was broke. Then my boy was born. I then realize where my issues really were. I had "daddy" issues growing up. POS sperm donor I got to grow up with - I resented him and it had a profound effect on my life and marriage. Shortly after my son was born, I saw the light and got my shiat together to make sure I'll be the best Dad I can be for our kids. No matter what.

It all ended about 10 years ago. Lost her, her brother and every single person that said they were my friend before we got married. They all sided with her and her brother. Phuck all of'm is what I used to say. But they really weren't my friends anyway. Anger tore me up. I have a best friend now that happens to be my little man, my daughter and I are as close as ever and she comes to me for direction or just to pick on me and to say she loves me. I want nothing more than to see them be happy, healthy and successful. And I'm going to do every single thing I can to ensure that happens. I've only dated a handful of times in the last 10 years to focus on my kids and me. I've got a lady friend I hang out with on occasion but we both no - NO MARRIAGE for us! Took her camping a few weeks ago. My kids will not meet her though - MY decision.

The Mom? Divorced again and living in a nice spec built lot/block fancy home in town.

**And let me address a few things I read in this post. Just because you're not married DOES NOT mean you are "lonely". I had to correct that crock of shiat with my Mom not too long ago. "Aren't you lonely out there (I live in the boonies)?" Umm. NO I'm not. At all.

**Child support laws NEED TO BE rewritten. In my state, we're at the bottom of the barrel no matter what. Unless we're loaded with $$$$ and can fight every step of the way. I was naïve and did not have a lawyer. She got a good chunk of support and it has been modified once since then. BUT, just last November shiat hit the fan while we met with OAG (Tx att generals office). Day before she tells me "it's time to get back what I left on the table" and I'll be asking for the full amount. I was distraught. But what about the direct support I provide to the kids? At the OAG meeting she tries to keep me silent. "I want this much"...and OAG then ask me if this is feasible for me. I then get to talk. Long story short, they realize just how much I DO SUPPORT my kids (directly/indirectly). Ex says "they don't want to hear that" to slience me...and they shut HER down and let me speak. They actually wrote my response in the last child support order AND reduced what she thought she was "owed". And you should know, she got NOTHING from me at the divorce - land, house, my retirement etc were mine. Why didn't she go after all that? See my comment on being her divorced again above. She was already getting ready to move in with the new guy. So my kids have seen 3 sets of guys so far. The time she was married and 2 guys have been in and out of her life/my kids life in the past 5 years. Lastly. Her image is untarnished in our little town. "He was the problem" is what I've heard about me and the last guy she married. And to think I almost went to jail 10 years ago when I confronted the first guy. I was ready to rip his pharking head off. But it was her not him or me that is/was the problem.

 

I had a friend in the army and he was married for less than a month. “I’m gonna get married, live in her basement and use the BAH for jEeP parts”

 

It’s kinda scary 59% of you would really get married a second time? I think even 1 time is a bad idea in today’s world

 

BAH?

 

If you get married in the military you get the option to live off base and they give you basic allowance for housing
Doubles your paycheck