Marriage

I have been living with my significant other for 14 yrs now and it has been awesome, but I think its the fact she has been married once (no kids) and I have never had the desire to get married until I found someone that I could feel is the one for me....

 

You know, you're right. After the last few months I realized my original poll answer was all wrong. I went back and changed it to "no". Would select "HELL NO" if that were an option.

I'm not even 40, but when it comes to women somehow I've been living in 1950-1970 my entire life. It's taken half my life to figure it out. Sucks to realize I've been very wrong for so long, but you know - I wasn't evolved to live in our insane modern time. Neither were any of you.

The more I understand, the less interest I have. There's a whole world out there, I'll find something else to spend attention on.

 

I needed love, but not for myself
It was for the girl, so she could love herself

- The Black Keys



Biggest thing I've learned is that you can't love the other person if you don't love yourself. The relationship you have with yourself is the foundation for the relationships you'll have with others

 

Yup..sappy as it sounds, that Whitney Houston song about the greatest love of all is so true

 

That last paragraph....So very true.

 

By the same, after a 6 year relationship ending when I was almost 27 I knew I was damaged..both from that and myself. I wanted to be single for a while to get it out of my system plus learn who I was. I didn't always do it in the best ways but eventually started doing things to improve my life.

 

Is that where 'it burns when I pee' comes from?

 

Haha..no but that's very creative. During that time from 26-29 I had sworn off women be it dating or just hookups (not that I did that anyway). I had lady friends but that's it.

Burns when I pee came from a bladder scope I had 10 years ago for a cancer screening, it burned to piss for 8 days after but it came back that I was perfectly healthy

 

Yes, important. Even more important - learn to recognize this in other people early. Because it's as true for them as it is for you, and if you don't recognize their lack of healthy relationship with themselves early, you're going to pay for it dearly later. Ask me how I know. Or, actually, don't.

 

In my experience, when I was into some bad habits and not caring much for myself, I tended to attract that same kind of person in a relationship. Somehow it would end up lasting a few years, not always bad but never ended well.

 

I agree that sometimes like attracts like. But, often, broken people are attracted to people who can provide the attention and validation they need. The problem comes once the love-bombing phase is over, and the healthy person sees who the broken one really is - someone who can provide nothing of substance in return.

For some of us that grew up in a very genuine and healthy environment, realizing that those traits will simply be taken advantage of in the dating marketplace is a harsh realization. But, we're better off once the realization hits home. To quote Dr. Robert Glover, become a "better picker and better ender".

 

This described my situation perfectly. She needed CONSTANT reassurance and attention. When you’re living together sometimes days will go by where you just don’t have anything left for yourself never mind the other person. I need a little space and calm and quiet to rebuild myself after getting hammered at work for 10 hours and I was getting the exact opposite.

 

I hate myself with a passion

Maybe it’s a sign

 

Hey man go take a walk or something. It helps me when I think like that. Take care of yourself man.

 

I’d marry my wife again. No one else.

 

Same here. I shudder to think what would have transpired if I had married the psycho I was dating before her. A friend of mine with more money and a cooler car at the time ended up marrying her, and they divorced a few years later. I found out later that she was on her 3rd hubby. Down the line, I thanked him for taking her off my hands.

 

My wife saved me. That’s all I can say about it.

 

Will have been married 30 years Monday. We lost our son almost five years ago and there hasn't been a day since that I don't want to check out, it would be easier than breathing. I HATE LIFE. I feel like all I'm doing is wasting oxygen and it's something I can't get around yet. My wife is the only reason I'm still here, she is my rock. Lord know its a shitload of work, but for me I've gotten out of it what I have put in.

 

21 years married. Both married late. Both married this once. No kids. Nothing’s perfect, but I wouldn’t change a thing.

 

Married almost 12 years. I was 23 and she was 22. What’s important is shared values: similar religion, politics, life goals. Other than that we are pretty different. She’s Type A, a leader, extroverted. I’m the opposite. But our values are the same.
In the end family is all that matters. It’s worth the work 100%.