Marriage

My wife of 15 years told me last year she was no longer "romantically attracted" to me. This after supporting her through chronic depression and her being over 300 lbs at one point. Also put her through college and moved all over the country to find work that paid well enough for her to be a stay at home mom.

Over the last couple years she lost around 100 lbs then decided she wanted to check out some more dudes.

Fuck her.
Fuck marriage.

 

Sorry bud. It sounds like are a good guy and did a good job as a husband. You can take pride in that at least.

 

Man... that’s terrible... I agree that if I were I’m that situation, I’d be salty... very very salty

 

At least I got my boy out of the deal. He's 7 now and basically makes life worth living.

 

After my first marriage of not quite three years I told myself never again. Six months later and I was dating my current wife of 21 years this summer.
I somewhat reluctantly voted no.
It's just been a somewhat difficult journey raising kids, and agreeing on discipline. We don't do much together anymore other than family vacations.
I think things would have been much better if we had gotten some counseling early on but we never have.
We just seem like we're a good team if nothing else, and I think possibly after the kids are gone (finished college and on their own) maybe the two of us will be closer again.
I wish you luck OP. Make a decision to make it work or make the split, I mean if your only together 2 years in.
Get 20+ years invested and 50+ years old it feels like...IDK.. but starting over now

 

Don't blame you there. 6 years of dating (we weren't cohabitating or engaged) and she was clinically depressed..I suspect more either undiagnosed or undisclosed. Her problems were mine, as were my problems. Oddly it was also similar once she lost some weight and other guys started noticing her more that she got the wandering eye. Irony is a friend of hers from work who she knew several years all of a sudden started checking her out and she claimed it bothered her because she hadn't changed, so was it that he didn't think she was attractive when she was fatter? Strange, it didn't bother her too much to start running around on me with him.

Between this and me starting to put pressure on to grow up and be more responsible, she figured I wasn't worth it. Felt like I was used, so I identify with and agree with your feelings.

 

Welcome to the red pill, fellas. Hard to accept at first but you know, after these sorts of experiences, it's helpful just to understand why - and how to be a helluva lot more aware going forward.

If you don't yet understand why, start digging. An answer is readily available, just keep your head about you and know how to separate the wheat from the chaff when it comes to the various figures proclaiming to have said answer. Consider the info available and build your own perspective.

 

Yup..I did meet another lady several years later, after I got over it and did some work on myself too. So far together 19.5 years married almost 16.

 

Married 34 years this past Sunday . I don’t know how my wife does it

 

Oh, figured you were talking recently. That's good though, happy for ya. 20 years ago the relationship marketplace was a completely different (and much better) place!

 

Ahhh gotcha. The 6 years was 1995-2000..the current 2002-present.

I'll be the first to admit I had my faults then such as being a drunk.

And totally, I don't think I could handle dating these days..

 

Yes, I’m glad in a way it didn’t go on for another 5 years. People don’t change at their core and if another kid or two and a big house were in the picture it would be far more messy and difficult. As it stands I’m still relatively young (41) and there’s still time to bounce back and possibly find the RIGHT person. And if not I can be content dating and spending time with friends and family and doing it alone. It’s boring around here and I do feel lonely at times but there’s no arguments or tension or craziness polluting my mental health every second day.

 

This was one of the hardest things for me. It just takes time. I know that's said constantly and it has been beaten to death (I didn't want to hear it in the beginning). But it's true.

Hold yourself to a higher standard. You know what you want and you know what you don't want.

Everything happens for a reason (another corny saying but it's true).

 

It's never too late, my parents split up after 23 years of marriage and my father was single for a long time after that. He had some rough years that were hard to watch. But in the end it was good for him I think, he did a lot of work on himself and came out of it a happier person. At 60 he met someone else and they've been happily married for awhile now.

 

Thanks man. It is getting better with time. I continue to see things with more clarity. And I know things happen for a reason. If it was great and fun and rewarding we would still be together. Things always work out for the best. Just working on myself and waiting for good things to start happening.

 

Clarity is a huge thing.I got that slowly but surely after my relationship ended, my own self was part of the blindness too

 

I'm your age. It really is a fun time to be single. . Enjoy the next year, rediscovering yourself.

 

Getting married just because the sex is good is not a good idea. It`s been so long since i`ve had sex that I had to go jogging in flip flops just to remember what it sounded like. My wife and I still get along just fine without it.

 

Any contract that incentivizes one party to break it is a bad contract for the other party to sign.