Marriage

I can attest to the importance of "communication" being a key facet to any successful relationship and marriage...communicate EVERYTHING even if it's a spontaneous "hey, have your ever...or what do you think of...?"...talk about pet peeves, finances, responsibilities, sex kinkiness, heartaches, health issues, plans to have children or not, family/relatives drama...everything. Imagine being single and how high an esteem you place your own opinions and ideals. Now, add a second person to that in your life, you now must learn to give equal regard to that other person's opinions and ideals AND she must do the same for you. Getting up to that point though I will add that early on in the relationship no one ever truly knows what the other person is like until you have lived with him or her for a few years before considering the idea of marriage.

 

Only thing worse than being miserably single is being miserably married.

 

Wish my foresight was as good as my hindsight. Never knew how good I had it in the "good old days", until years later.

 

After my divorce a friend suggested some books to read. One was the Five Love Languages. After reading it, I wished I had read it before getting divorced, would have likely saved quite a bit of heartache and angst all around. But I also think I wouldn't have read it while married or at least internalize the messages if I did read it, because I didn't go through that shit to get to the point where it would resonate.

Good luck, OP. Hope things work out for you.

 

The real question is are you willing to put in the effort that a marriage requires and that’s any marriage. If your not, then marriage material you aren’t. If the relationship you want is the “good old days” when you could break up or leave whenever you want because things weren’t going your way. You definitely aren’t ready for any marriage including the one your in. Some people just aren’t made for marriage and there’s nothing wrong with that just recognize it so your not in the situation again. Marriage is about being part of something bigger than yourself some people just aren’t good at that.

 

Celebrating our 20 year wedding anniversary next week and we've been together 22 years. Wouldn't change a thing she's my best friend and we've been through a lot together losing my parents and her dad. She's also an amazing mom to our two kids.

Marriage isn't easy it's work and there has to be a give and take for it to work. Like amything in life there has to be comprise.

If both of you are committed to making it work then give it a shot and see what happens. If your that certain that it will not work in the end, then let it go and try to learn from the experience. Don't stay in a relationship for the sake of just having someone even if your miserable.

 

Been married for 22+, just had our 22nd anniversary. It has ups and downs, but I would not have it any other way. We are each others biggest fan, support each other through life's big decisions, and tend to keep each other grounded in a good way. I do what I want for the most part, she does what she does. We are a good team.

 

Happy wife, happy life!!

 

I never knew what true happiness was until I was married...by then it was too late.

My wife and I have a great marriage. It’s a work in progress, and I expect it always will be.

We were guests at a wedding a few years ago and a couple of the bridesmaids came by asking married couples for marriage advice for the newlyweds. My advice was to make this their marriage, not their parents, not their siblings, co-workers, etc. Find what works for the two of them, and don’t forget what brought them together.

My wife said something profound as well, but I wasn’t listening...

Anyway, if you’re tired of her BS, divorce her and move on.

 

I was with the same woman for 25 years, married for 23 before the wheels fell off. Nothing like finding out you're in a non-consensual open relationship to take the starch out of things. I tried to save it but she wasn't interested. Even with the devastating ending I think I would marry again but I would definitely do things differently.

My Dad gave me the best words of wisdom when he told me "you didn't have shit when you married her and you still got most of that left, how bad could it have been?"

All joking aside though it was some of the best years of my life until it wasn't and I got two wonderful daughters out of the deal as well as the wisdom to find some really Lovely ladies to date in the aftermath. Is yours worth trying to save? Who really knows besides you.

 

I am currently going through divorce. It is honestly to hardest thing I have ever been through in my life. Together 15 years married 11. Wife turned to drugs and abandoned us a few months back. Have talked to her twice in three months and she hasn’t spoke to our daughter at all. I have full custody of our daughter. The hardest thing is trying to explain to her (10) what is going on without telling her what I know. I’ll be fine, but I know how I have felt about it and can’t imagine what she is going through.

My advice, if there is kids involved try everything you can to save family but if not, life is too short to disagree with the same person over and over so move on before there are kids involved.

 

Nah, that's bullshit. That implies that you should be willing to sacrifice your feelings for your wife's, and that breeds resentment.

 

Ex husband cheated on me while I was deployed and stole all of my fucking Snap-On tools. Didn't even make it 3 years. With any luck the tool chest fell on him and killed him while he was moving it but probably no such luck.

My current husband had a cunt of an ex wife that tried to wipe him out. He paid for everything the entire marriage (house, vehicles, all bills), coddled her, she sat on her ass and didn't work, piled $80k in college debt up and tried to get the house and make him pay all of her debt off. showed up to the hearing 6 months pregnant by someone else (who she also brought with her) in sweatpants. The judge laughed her out of the courtroom..

We both vowed to never get the Government involved again and bet each other half our shit we would stay together forever and neither of us wanted kids. We blessed and married ourselves, no paperwork, and its been awesome. Different strokes for different folks though. But yeah, some people suck. It happens.

 

This is so fundamentally wrong. Happy spouse, happy house.

 

I have been married 27 years. That's along time to be married to the wrong person lol.

 

Ever heard of the 3 rings of marriage?

1st, you have the engagement ring
2nd, you have the wedding ring
3rd, you then have the suffer-ring

 

I had a friend who went through a similar deal with the $100K. He finally got together with the wife and they decided to fire both divorce attorneys. The lawyers were content to keep dragging it out forever for the $$$. After they canned the shysters, they were divorced in about 3 weeks.

 

Coming up on 46 years of marriage. When people ask how long we've been married we'll say something like "26 happy years.....out of 46 total." It's a joke but the reality is that every marriage goes through tough days, and weeks and months.... It truly is a work in progress as each person ages, grows, and seeks personal fulfillment as well as marital fulfillment. Lynn is my best friend, my biggest fan and also is the one who keeps me focused and humble. I'm blessed to have found her when I was 19.

 

I was married for nearly 13yrs and together for about 16yrs, we do have one son and he just turned 15yrs old.

I will almost always suggest trying to work out whatever has got you guys(OP) in a funk. Like everyone has said..it's a lot of work but BOTH parties must be contributing. If it's really something the two of you can't pin point then a counselor or mediator may be good to give a different perspective on things. I think if it's too one-sided it's not going to work and that's kind of where it ended up for me.

For me the first decade was great but the wheels started falling off when my father-in-law past away and my ex had a mental breakdown. I totally understood the severity of the loss and tried to support her but she never really recovered after she started on all the pysch meds. At that point her ability to make good decisions faltered drastically and I began to feel like I now had 2 kids. Once her bad decisions became a trust issue, I told her I wanted a divorce. One of the hardest things I've had to go through but you do have to draw the line at some point if multiple things have failed to improve the quality of the relationship.