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Military Jokes - Share 'Em

Discussion in 'Military' started by YayAreaTaco0311, Oct 11, 2009.

  1. Oct 11, 2009 at 8:10 PM
    #1
    YayAreaTaco0311

    YayAreaTaco0311 [OP] Motivator

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    Pls. share any.mil jokes!

    Mine:

    Why does a military discharge feel like an orgasm?

    Because the closer you get, the better it feels.

    lol.
     
  2. Oct 11, 2009 at 8:57 PM
    #2
    usnatclee

    usnatclee Well-Known Member

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    Do you know what MARINES stands for?

    My Ass Rides In Navy Equipment Sir!
     
  3. Oct 11, 2009 at 9:03 PM
    #3
    chris4x4

    chris4x4 With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine. Thor

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    Two men were boasting to each other about their old army days.

    "Why, my outfit was so well drilled," declared one, "that when they presented arms all you could hear was slap, slap, click."

    "Very good," conceded the other, "but when my company presented arms you'd just hear slap, slap, jingle."

    "What was the jingle?" asked the first. "Oh," replied the other offhand, "just our medals."
     
  4. Oct 11, 2009 at 9:04 PM
    #4
    chris4x4

    chris4x4 With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine. Thor

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    It was a dark, stormy, night. The Marine was on his first assignment, and it was guard duty.

    A General stepped out taking his dog for a walk. The nervous young Private snapped to attention, made a perfect salute, and snapped out "Sir, Good Evening, Sir!"

    The General, out for some relaxation, returned the salute and said "Good evening soldier, nice night, isn't it?"

    Well it wasn't a nice night, but the Private wasn't going to disagree with the General, so the he saluted again and replied "Sir, Yes Sir!".

    The General continued, "You know there's something about a stormy night that I find soothing, it's really relaxing. Don't you agree?"

    The Private didn't agree, but them the private was just a private, and responded "Sir, Yes Sir!"

    The General, pointing at the dog, "This is a Golden Retriever, the best type of dog to train."

    The Private glanced at the dog, saluted yet again and said "Sir, Yes Sir!"

    The General continued "I got this dog for my wife."

    The Private simply said "Good trade Sir!"
     
  5. Oct 11, 2009 at 9:05 PM
    #5
    chris4x4

    chris4x4 With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine. Thor

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    The following is supposedly a true story relating a situation that actually occurred in Los Angeles.

    The Marines were backing-up LAPD on a call that someone had broken into a store.

    At the scene, the cop told the Marines to "cover" him as he approched the store (to police, "cover" means to point your weapons in the direction of the threat, to Marines it means lay down a base of fire!).

    The Marines promptly laid down a base of fire. The Marines fired 178 rounds before they stopped shooting.

    The thief, probably a little scared at this point, called 911 and reported, "They're shooting at me!".
     
  6. Oct 11, 2009 at 9:10 PM
    #6
    chris4x4

    chris4x4 With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine. Thor

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    A young naval student was being put through the paces by an old sea captain.

    "What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the starboard?"

    "Throw out an anchor, sir," the student replied.

    "What would you do if another storm sprang up aft?"

    "Throw out another anchor, sir."

    "And if another terrific storm sprang up forward, what would you do then?" asked the captain.

    "Throw out another anchor, sir."

    "Hold on," said the captain. "Where are you getting all those anchors from?"

    "From the same place you're getting your storms, sir."
     
  7. Oct 11, 2009 at 9:12 PM
    #7
    cmack

    cmack Impeach Chris4x4!

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    Chris, you and your jokes.
     
  8. Oct 11, 2009 at 9:13 PM
    #8
    chris4x4

    chris4x4 With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine. Thor

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    Submarines are safer than airplanes. Proof in the fact is there are more airplanes in the water than submarines in the air!
     
  9. Oct 11, 2009 at 10:14 PM
    #9
    Notty

    Notty Well-Known Member

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    What does Marine stand for?

    Muscles Are Required, Intelligence Not Essential :D
     
  10. Oct 11, 2009 at 10:17 PM
    #10
    YayAreaTaco0311

    YayAreaTaco0311 [OP] Motivator

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    ARMY =

    Ain't Ready for the Marines Yet :D

    USMC =

    U Suckers Miss Christmas
     
  11. Oct 11, 2009 at 10:21 PM
    #11
    Notty

    Notty Well-Known Member

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    A Marine is just a Sailor with a nice uniform on. You can put nice rims on a Daewoo, but it's still a piece of sh*t! :stirthepot: hahaha
     
  12. Oct 12, 2009 at 7:49 AM
    #12
    Neked09

    Neked09 Well-Known Member

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    Why did the Sailor reenlist?:confused:





    He didn't want to leave his buddies behind.:eek:
     
  13. Oct 12, 2009 at 7:54 AM
    #13
    NraFan

    NraFan Join the NRA! Protect your freedom!

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    The ARMY, now theres a joke! J/K :D
     
  14. Oct 12, 2009 at 7:57 AM
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    fletch aka

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  15. Oct 12, 2009 at 11:46 AM
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    RogueLeader

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    Why is the Air Force like a fan? When you stand in front of it, it blows. When you stand behind it, it sucks. When you stand to the side, it doesn't do a damn thing for you.

    An army general, a naval admiral, and an air force general were bragging about which branch had the most courageous troops. The army general takes the other two out to a tank training exercise and tells a private to jump in front of a tank and stop it. The soldier gets run over and the army general says, "That took a lot of courage." The admiral takes the two generals out to an aircraft carrier and tells a sailor to jump off the deck without his life vest during a man overboard drill. The sailor dives in and is lost at sea. "That took courage," says the admiral. The air force general takes the army general and admiral up in a C-140 and tells an airman to jump out of the plane without a parachute. The airman says, "Fuck you!" The air force general says, "Now that's courage!"
     
  16. Oct 12, 2009 at 12:24 PM
    #16
    L8Rmike

    L8Rmike Well-Known Member

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  17. Oct 12, 2009 at 12:25 PM
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    YayAreaTaco0311

    YayAreaTaco0311 [OP] Motivator

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  18. Oct 12, 2009 at 1:05 PM
    #18
    Loudpedal

    Loudpedal Mind = Blown

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    A sailor walks into the head at the Pentagon.
    A Marine is at the urinal finishing his business, flushes and heads for the door.
    Sailor says, "Excuse me, Marine, but in the Navy they teach us to wash our hands after using the head."
    The Marine replies, "Well in the Corps they teach us not to piss on our hands."
     
  19. Oct 12, 2009 at 6:58 PM
    #19
    dhurley

    dhurley Well-Known Member

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    US ARMY
    Uncle Sam Ain't Released Me Yet

    Backwards it's:
    Y My Retarded Ass Signed Up
     
  20. Oct 12, 2009 at 7:02 PM
    #20
    dhurley

    dhurley Well-Known Member

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    You got a lot of good ones Chris!
     
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