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Military Jokes - Share 'Em

Discussion in 'Military' started by YayAreaTaco0311, Oct 11, 2009.

  1. Oct 23, 2009 at 9:55 AM
    #21
    YayAreaTaco0311

    YayAreaTaco0311 [OP] Motivator

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    Q: Why do they use liquid soap in the Navy?
    A: Because it takes a lot longer to pick up :D
     
  2. Oct 23, 2009 at 9:57 AM
    #22
    NraFan

    NraFan Join the NRA! Protect your freedom!

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    Power sliding doors baby! WooHoo!
    HA! Thats some funny shit!
     
  3. Oct 23, 2009 at 9:57 AM
    #23
    YayAreaTaco0311

    YayAreaTaco0311 [OP] Motivator

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    Q: Why is it so cheap to train the Al Qaeda Airforce?
    A: Because you only teach them how to take off!
     
  4. Oct 23, 2009 at 10:04 AM
    #24
    YayAreaTaco0311

    YayAreaTaco0311 [OP] Motivator

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    U = Uncle
    S = Sam's
    M = Misguided
    C = Children
     
  5. Oct 26, 2009 at 6:47 PM
    #25
    keppert

    keppert Sure..Whatever.

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    U=Ure
    S=Screwed
    C=Coming and
    G=Going
     
  6. Oct 27, 2009 at 2:19 PM
    #26
    L8Rmike

    L8Rmike Well-Known Member

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    U - you
    S - Sure
    A - are
    F - F@#ked
     
  7. Nov 27, 2009 at 4:04 PM
    #27
    DIVER_5

    DIVER_5 DIVER_5

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    Whats the best thing about Navy Men?
    ~ NAVY WIVES~
     
  8. Nov 27, 2009 at 4:09 PM
    #28
    jandrews

    jandrews Carolina Alliance Southwest Region Ambassador

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    [FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,Sans-Serif]A Short History of the French Military:

    [/FONT]
    Gallic Wars: Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.

    Hundred Years War: Mostly lost, saved at last by a female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare - "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchmen."

    Italian Wars: Lost. France becomes the first and only country ever to lose two wars when fighting Italians.

    Wars of Religion: France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots.

    Thirty Years' War: France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.

    War of Devolution: Tied; Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.

    The Dutch War: Tied.

    War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War: Lost, but claimed as a tie. Deluded Frogophiles the world over label the period as the height of French Military Power.

    War of the Spanish Succession: Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved ever since.

    American Revolution: In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare: "France only wins when America does most of the fighting".

    French Revolution: Won, primarily due to the fact that the opponent was also French.

    The Napoleonic Wars: Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.

    The Franco-Prussian War: Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.

    WWI: Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like not only to sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.

    WWII: Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.

    War in Indochina: Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with Dien Bien Flu.

    Algerian Rebellion: Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a Western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare -"We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese, and Eskimos.

    War on Terrorism: France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe.
     
  9. Nov 27, 2009 at 4:17 PM
    #29
    bakerla

    bakerla Man, Myth, Legend

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    150 men go out to sea on a submarine. 75 couples return.
     
  10. Dec 8, 2009 at 10:35 PM
    #30
    YayAreaTaco0311

    YayAreaTaco0311 [OP] Motivator

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  11. Dec 9, 2009 at 8:13 PM
    #31
    brian

    brian Another Traitor

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    USCG: The Navy goes overseas alot, someone has to keep their wives company. :)
     
  12. Dec 18, 2009 at 11:00 AM
    #32
    YayAreaTaco0311

    YayAreaTaco0311 [OP] Motivator

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    Why did God create Marines?

    So the Army, Airforce, Navy, Firefighters, and Police Officers could have a hero, too... :p:D
     
  13. Jun 1, 2010 at 8:19 PM
    #33
    tacomathom

    tacomathom Well-Known Member

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    How many Coasties does it take to hold a burial at sea?
    Seven.
    Six to commit the deceased to the deep, one to pound him into the mud.
     
  14. Jun 1, 2010 at 10:02 PM
    #34
    YayAreaTaco0311

    YayAreaTaco0311 [OP] Motivator

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    U = YOU
    S = SIGN
    M = motherfucking
    C = Contract

    :D
     
  15. Jun 1, 2010 at 10:16 PM
    #35
    jhodge83

    jhodge83 Any dog under 50# is a cat and cats are useless... Staff Member

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    wat?
  16. Jun 2, 2010 at 1:21 AM
    #36
    Leadgolem

    Leadgolem Well-Known Member

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    I'm surprised this hasn't been posted yet.
    http://skippyslist.com/list/
    A few excerpts :)
     
  17. Jun 2, 2010 at 9:11 AM
    #37
    Taco Gunner

    Taco Gunner Well-Known Member

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    Cannot be true. It is against the law for the military to be used in a law ENFORCEMENT capacity.

    Posse Comitatus Act.

    Trust me, the amount of crap we see in the southern part of the state, we would love to get involved, especially going to or from the range!

    invl
     
  18. Jun 5, 2010 at 5:04 PM
    #38
    ThizzMex

    ThizzMex Active Member

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    N- Never
    A- Again
    V- Volunteer
    Y- Yourself
     
  19. Jun 5, 2010 at 7:39 PM
    #39
    dudeondacouch

    dudeondacouch Shadetree Artilleryman

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    Q: Why does the Navy put Marines on their ships?

    A: Because sheep would be too obvious.






    A little boy was standing in front of a mirror in the restroom at John F. Kennedy Airport, when in walked a Marine staff sergeant, wearing his dress blues. The little boy turned to the Marine and said, "Wow! Are you a Marine?"
    The Marine replied, "Why, yes I am, young man. Would you like to wear my hat?"

    "Boy, would I!," said the little boy. He took the hat and placed it on his head and turned to admire himself in the mirror.

    As he was looking in the mirror, he heard the door open and through a ray of bright light, a man entered the room.

    But, this was not just a man -- he was more than a man. He was an Airborne Ranger.
    The little boy turned and went over to the Soldier. As he approached him, he could see the reflection in his boots. His eyes widened as he stared up at the Soldier's chest full of medals and combat ribbons. He tried to speak, but he couldn't.

    Finally, he took a deep breath, and managed to say, "Excuse me, Sir. Are you... are you an Airborne Ranger?"
    The Ranger replied with a thunderous voice, "Why yes, I am. Would you like to shine my boots?"

    The little boy smiled, and said, "Oh, no sir! I'm not a Marine... I'm just wearing his hat!"
     
  20. Jun 5, 2010 at 7:46 PM
    #40
    747

    747 function > form

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    Navy cadets' lack of situational awareness at Air Force v. Navy game...(the "yes, we know" was already on the pic...not my addition):
    [​IMG]
     
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