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Military Jokes - Share 'Em

Discussion in 'Military' started by YayAreaTaco0311, Oct 11, 2009.

  1. Jun 5, 2010 at 7:50 PM
    #41
    747

    747 function > form

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    Air Force cadets[?]...

    [​IMG]
     
  2. Jun 5, 2010 at 7:55 PM
    #42
    rentbw

    rentbw Well-Known Member

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    Whats the difference between a Female NCO and a Zebra?
    The Zebra didnt have to lay on its back to get its stripes.

    That one could get me introuble lol
     
  3. Jun 5, 2010 at 8:10 PM
    #43
    dudeondacouch

    dudeondacouch Shadetree Artilleryman

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  4. Jun 5, 2010 at 8:22 PM
    #44
    adamstoy

    adamstoy Well-Known Member

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    2 marines walk into a bar, order some beers and start chanting 51 days! 51 days!. the bartender gets curious after awhile and goes over to the table and asks "why are you chanting 51 days over and over again" the marine replies " we put together a puzzle that said 2-4 years and we got it done in 51 days"
     
  5. Jun 6, 2010 at 6:53 AM
    #45
    tacomathom

    tacomathom Well-Known Member

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    Brother Taco Nuts. Thank you for all the new posts. Most of them I never heard before. Here's one the Chaplin told my company in boot camp:
    The American embassy in Bumfuckegypt was holding a reception. The ambassador's wife was circulating among the guests with a plate of hors d'oeuvres when she came to the Gunny Sargent of the Marine Guard. "Sargent would you like some hors d'oeuvres"? she asked. "No thank you mamm, I don't like that shit" the Gunny said. Well! and off she went to see to her other guests. As all Marines look alike to civilians this happened several times. Each time she got the same response, "no thank you mamm I don't like that shit". She finially went crying to the Commanding Officer of the Marine Guard, "Colonel I keep asking your Sargent if wants some of these hors d'oeuvers and he keeps saying he dosn't like that shit"! "Well mamm" the Colonel replied "if he dosen't want any of that goddamned shit, don't fuckin' give him any.
     
  6. Jun 10, 2010 at 1:24 PM
    #46
    Agent475

    Agent475 "Mark It Zero"

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    I think the troop in this pic got busted for this one... but it was circulating a while back:

    [​IMG]
     
  7. Jun 10, 2010 at 1:30 PM
    #47
    Agent475

    Agent475 "Mark It Zero"

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  8. Jun 10, 2010 at 1:43 PM
    #48
    ScottyKC

    ScottyKC Well-Known Member

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    Why does a Navy seamen salute a shit as he flushes the toilet?

    He is sending another Marine out to see.
     
  9. Jun 10, 2010 at 1:48 PM
    #49
    Agent475

    Agent475 "Mark It Zero"

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    Everytime I walk out of the office on the way to the crapper, I be sure to note: "Gotta go extract some Navy SEALs"

    That usually gets some laughs...
     
  10. Jun 14, 2010 at 5:25 AM
    #50
    Agent475

    Agent475 "Mark It Zero"

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    "When I joined the military it was illegal to be homosexual, then it became optional. I'm getting out before Obama makes it mandatory." -GySgt Harry Berres, USMC
     
  11. Jun 14, 2010 at 10:41 AM
    #51
    tacomathom

    tacomathom Well-Known Member

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    Gunny, I think the correct response would be: Aye Aye Sir!
    Now for something completely different: One dark and stormy night, Ensign Hardtack was standing the 0400 to 0800 OOD watch on the bridge. She called down to the Wardroom to have some coffee sent up. A sleepy voice answered the phone "yeah?" "Sailor don't you know how to answer the phone on a warship?" she yelled into the phone, "let's try that again". A short pause then "Captain's cabin, Captain speaking sir!"
     
  12. Jun 14, 2010 at 10:46 AM
    #52
    Agent475

    Agent475 "Mark It Zero"

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    Touche!
     
  13. Jun 14, 2010 at 10:52 AM
    #53
    396tears

    396tears Well-Known Member

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    The difference between a fairy tale & a sea story

    A fairy tales starts out "Once upon a time"

    A sea story starts out "This ain't no shit"





    BMC - USN - Retired
     
  14. Jun 14, 2010 at 11:06 AM
    #54
    Taco76087

    Taco76087 Well-Known Member

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    When my dad was in the Marines and was with the Blue Angels, the Marines always said that the Blue Angels consisted of about 400 sailors and 15 Marines, so it was about even.
     
  15. Jun 18, 2010 at 12:51 AM
    #55
    Tacovette

    Tacovette NUB

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    so true :D

    Drunken_Sailor.jpg
     
  16. Jun 18, 2010 at 4:05 AM
    #56
    Mark C.

    Mark C. If you want it bad, you usually get it bad!

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    True Story:........One of my brothers (former Navy UDT Boatswains Mate, purple heart, silver star) and I were in a bar in northern VT one Saturday having a beer. As we finished our 2nd beer, a young Marine came in and pullled up to the bar. After he'd had a few beers, he started with sea stories concerning exploits that he could not have accomplished in his short life. After hearing him refer to sailors in demeaning terms and water taxi drivers, my brother approached and started small talk, and bought him a beer. My brother then asked the young Marine what the Marine emblem stood for, and the proud reply went something like this: The earth signifies global coverage, the anchor indicates our history and that we come from the sea; the Eagle symolizes freedom, our country, and that we can strike from the air." "Wow", said my brother, "For all these years I thought that was a buzzard sitting on an eight ball with an anchor shoved up his ass, screaming, 'GO NAVY'!"
    My brother slowly walked away from the youngster, who quietly finished his beer and left.
     
  17. Jun 18, 2010 at 4:12 AM
    #57
    Mark C.

    Mark C. If you want it bad, you usually get it bad!

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    Q: What purpose is served by the flap on the front of the Navy Dress Blue Trousers?

    A: Marine's bib.

    (I actually have served with Marines and admire their discipline, courage, dedication, and spirit. Our nation would not be near as strong without them.)
     
  18. Jun 18, 2010 at 5:08 AM
    #58
    Rainman998

    Rainman998 Well-Known Member

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    What does shit sound like when it hits the fan?



    MARINE!!!
     
  19. Jun 19, 2010 at 5:43 AM
    #59
    dudeondacouch

    dudeondacouch Shadetree Artilleryman

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  20. Jun 21, 2010 at 7:04 AM
    #60
    Mark C.

    Mark C. If you want it bad, you usually get it bad!

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    Two Master Chief Petty Officers with many service hash marks were on liberty in Copenhagen. As they were walking down a street in the "Red Light" district, they saw a young lady sitting in the display window advertising her wares. A marquee sign directly above her read, "Something you've never had before! Only 75 Euros!"
    One of the Master Chiefs turned to the other and said, "It must be leprosy. Let's keep moving."
     
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