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Moving to Texas?

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Discussion' started by tcBob, Oct 9, 2007.

  1. Oct 9, 2007 at 8:41 AM
    #1
    tcBob

    tcBob [OP] Gringo Bandito Moderator

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    ADVICE FOR ANYONE MOVING TO TEXAS :laugh:

    1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later
    how to use it.

    2. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we
    can. Just stay home the two days of the year it snows.

    3. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in
    the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain
    will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their
    way.
    This is what they live for.

    4. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals & bait in the same store.

    5. Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All
    y'all's" is plural possessive.

    6. Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"

    7. If you are yelling at the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph
    zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember, many folks
    learned to drive on a model of vehicle known as John Deere, and this is
    the proper speed and lane position for that vehicle.

    8. If you hear a redneck exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" Stay
    out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say.

    9. Get used to the phrase "It's not the heat, it's the humidity".
    And the collateral phrase "You call this hot? Wait'll August."

    10. There are no delis. Don't ask.

    11. In conversation, never put your hand on a man's shoulder when
    making a point, especially in a bar.

    12. Chili does NOT have beans in it.

    13. Brisket is not 'cooked' in an oven

    14. Don't tell us how you did it up there. Nobody cares.

    15. If you think it's too hot, don't worry. It'll cool down-in December.

    16. We do TOO have 4 Seasons: December, January, February, and Summer!

    17. A Mercedes-Benz is not a status symbol. A Ford F-150 is.

    18. If someone tells you "Don't worry, those peppers aren't hot"
    you can be certain they are.

    19. If you fail to heed my warning in #18 above, be sure to have a
    bowl of guacamole handy. Water won't do it.

    20. Rocky Mountain oysters are NOT oysters. Don't ask.

    21. If someone says they're "fixin" to do something, that doesn't
    mean anything's broken.

    22. Don't even think of ordering a strawberry daiquiri. What you
    really mean to say is 'Margarita.'

    23. If you don't understand our passion for college and high school
    football just keep your mouth shut.

    24. The value of a parking space is not determined by the distance
    to the door, but the availability of shade.

    25. If you see a slower moving vehicle on a two lane road pull onto
    the shoulder that is called "courtesy".

    26. BBQ is a food group. It does NOT mean grilling burgers and hot
    dogs outdoors.

    27. No matter what you've seen on TV, line dancing is not a popular
    weekend pastime.

    28. "Tea" = Iced Tea. There is no other kind.

    29. Everything goes better with Ranch dressing.


    Content ripped from this site
     
  2. Oct 9, 2007 at 8:55 AM
    #2
    kilo

    kilo Solo Member

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    He loves us TEXANS so much he is studing to be one of US!!! LOL
     
  3. Oct 9, 2007 at 9:28 AM
    #3
    007Tacoma

    007Tacoma I dub thee malicious!

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    :laugh: LMAO!!!

    It is all SO true! ;) I figured all that out within 1 week of being here. Especially #'s 28, 25, 26 , 17, 16, 15, 7, and 23.
     
  4. Oct 9, 2007 at 9:34 AM
    #4
    TRDeity

    TRDeity Well-Known Member

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    I'm starting to feel strangely out of place b/c most of that is very true, but then I remember that I'm in Austin and it’s a whole other story.
     
  5. Oct 9, 2007 at 9:42 AM
    #5
    lsocoee

    lsocoee My hair is all natural Moderator

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    Most of those can be said for the Louisiana folks. It probably wouldn't to add a few cajun and saints references for Louisiana.
     
  6. Oct 9, 2007 at 10:51 AM
    #6
    sawdust

    sawdust Unapologetic Texan

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    I don't understand what's funny about that. :confused: It's all good advice.

    But I never heard that about guacamole. Cools the burn, huh? Is that for 1) the burn on the way in, or 2) the burn on the way out? :eek:

    I don't think I'd want to use guacamole on #2 ;)
     
  7. Oct 9, 2007 at 11:04 AM
    #7
    rhoppas

    rhoppas Land of Oz

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    I think tcBob is doing research on Texans for the benefit of the Alliance, since Alliance members are too drunk and lazy to do it themselves. I think he may be a spy. We should keep our eye on him... :D
     
  8. Oct 9, 2007 at 11:41 AM
    #8
    007Tacoma

    007Tacoma I dub thee malicious!

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    Would that make it Preparation "G"? ;)
     
  9. Oct 9, 2007 at 12:05 PM
    #9
    TheMaster

    TheMaster Born to Ride

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    The Alliance is going to have a field day with this list.
     
  10. Oct 9, 2007 at 12:06 PM
    #10
    sawdust

    sawdust Unapologetic Texan

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    Good point. However, tcBob made 007 a moderator, so he can't be all bad.

    007, your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to monitor tcBob :spy: for sympathies to the Alliance.

    This thread will self-destruct in

    5

    4

    3

    2

    :boom:
     
  11. Oct 9, 2007 at 1:13 PM
    #11
    nd

    nd Radical Town. It's a hell of a place!

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    I knew Bob was on our side! 007 told us to invade Austin, and Bob just gave us a great list of intel. Apparently we need to interupt their chili supply, or at least add beans to it. And these Texans dont seem to be able to function without peppers, maybe we can do something with that. Thanks for the info Bob, we'll make sure to put it to good use :)
     
  12. Oct 9, 2007 at 2:50 PM
    #12
    jhodge83

    jhodge83 Any dog under 50# is a cat and cats are useless... Moderator

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    wat?
    also, if u wanna freak them out....give them PORK BBQ....they'll shit a brisket!!
     
  13. Oct 9, 2007 at 3:23 PM
    #13
    tacomaman06

    tacomaman06 Carolina Alliance: Lead, follow, or get the hell o

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    if ya stop and think about it.............its about the south as a whole basically. doesnt apply just to texas.............hell, i dont eat beans in my chili either.:D

    hey master........not that big of a field day!!!;)
     
  14. Oct 9, 2007 at 3:26 PM
    #14
    sawdust

    sawdust Unapologetic Texan

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    Pork is acceptable BBQ -- when there's no beef around. It's those sweet or vinegary BBQ sauces that I'll do without.
     
  15. Oct 9, 2007 at 4:06 PM
    #15
    sataco

    sataco Well-Known Member

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    yes it's all true, i can't tell you how many push ups i did in basic training for saying y'all to the drill instuctors!!!! and despite what you see on king of the hill real texans don't BBQ with propane, thats just outdoor cooking!!!
     
  16. Oct 9, 2007 at 4:33 PM
    #16
    tacomaman06

    tacomaman06 Carolina Alliance: Lead, follow, or get the hell o

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    pork is AWESOME bbq.......but i agree with you about the vinegary sauce though..........i gotta have something like hickory smoked, or something very tangy, something with a kick. sonny's bbq has some awesome sauces there!!!
     
  17. Oct 9, 2007 at 5:02 PM
    #17
    jhodge83

    jhodge83 Any dog under 50# is a cat and cats are useless... Moderator

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    wat?
    when i was stationed out there, i never heard of brisket...and i also never had beef bbq...pork is much better...and i'll never touch a mustard based sauce...only vinegar based
     
  18. Oct 9, 2007 at 6:40 PM
    #18
    tacomaman06

    tacomaman06 Carolina Alliance: Lead, follow, or get the hell o

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    mustard based is actually pretty good if its done right. brisket is good as hell too, if its cooked right. beef bbq is good, especially ribs, but you have to boil them for a while before you put them on the grill. im just a really big fan of bbq, and well......eating in general!!!:)

    im kinda like you though,jhodge.........i like pork alot better, jmo.
     
  19. Oct 9, 2007 at 7:41 PM
    #19
    rick

    rick `

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    how bout all y'all's cowboys
     
  20. Oct 10, 2007 at 5:43 PM
    #20
    GMG3

    GMG3 Carolina Alliance: Golden State Division

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    Now this shows why texans will never be able to be Alliance members. Alliance members are smart enough to know that Beer is the answer, not guacamole. If the beer does not put out the fire, drink some more, you might find you like it. The way out will just have to take care if itself. Further, beer has been proven to be the basis of human civilization. If you're not drinking enough beer then you're not supporting civilization, so you must not be civilized.

    Damn, do I have too explain everything to you texans?:D
     
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