Moving to Texas?

TheMaster · Nov 24, 2007

Unbelievable. Judge #3 must be ndcouch. Stupid nd.

Toy4Life · Nov 25, 2007

Hahahahaha!!!OMG, my eyes are watering!

2003greenbean · Nov 25, 2007

that was great sucks to be that guy

sawdust · Nov 26, 2007

I've read that chili post before. It doesn't lose anything a second time around.

I also wanted to comment on vivafire's list (I know, I'm behind, but it ties in). I've been offline for a week visiting the family for Thanksgiving. During our trip we went to Kingsville to tour the King Ranch (item 12). I learned that old man King who started the whole thing was a boat captain on the Rio Grande and earned the money to buy the ranch by running Union blockades during the War Between the States. And that ties into that whole thread about the Confederate flag that I couldn't participate in since it's now closed (that guy who complained should have been more offended at my avatar since it was directed at Mexico )

Stick around, vivafire. We need more Texans to keep those loudmouthed alliance boys in their place, like judge #3.

vivafire · Nov 27, 2007

sawdust said: ↑

Stick around, vivafire. We need more Texans to keep those loudmouthed alliance boys in their place, like judge #3.
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Don't worried I'm going to be around as long as I have my tacoma. I'm having to much fun with you fools going back and forth anyway. I'm 1 mean chicano Texan to back down .

tacomaman06 · Nov 27, 2007

sawdust said: ↑

I've read that chili post before. It doesn't lose anything a second time around.

I also wanted to comment on vivafire's list (I know, I'm behind, but it ties in). I've been offline for a week visiting the family for Thanksgiving. During our trip we went to Kingsville to tour the King Ranch (item 12). I learned that old man King who started the whole thing was a boat captain on the Rio Grande and earned the money to buy the ranch by running Union blockades during the War Between the States. And that ties into that whole thread about the Confederate flag that I couldn't participate in since it's now closed (that guy who complained should have been more offended at my avatar since it was directed at Mexico )

Stick around, vivafire. We need more Texans to keep those loudmouthed alliance boys in their place, like judge #3.
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i still dont think anyone can keep us in our place...........well,wait a minute!! if keeping us in our place means right here in sc/nc....go right on ahead, no other place i wanna be(except savannah, ga!!!). we can even move all the other alliance members to our state.......the alliance would be set then. weekly beer parties!!!

nd · Nov 30, 2007

TheMaster said: ↑

nd, I can help, I can help. Can I do it please please please
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actually go ahead.... this should be pretty funny

nd · Nov 30, 2007

Jimmy6165 said: ↑

Texas Chili Cook-off

If you can read this whole story without laughing then there's no hope for you. I was crying by the end. This is an actual account as relayed to paramedics at a chili cook-off in Texas.
Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better. For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the San Antonio City Park.
Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield, IL.
Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted and became Judge 3.

"Here are the scorecard notes from the event:
CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI...
Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.

CHILI # 2 - AUSTIN'S AFTERBURNER CHILI...
Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

CHILI # 3 - FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI...
Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.
Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is
in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced from all of the beer.

CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC...
Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. This 300 lb. woman is starting to look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?

CHILI # 5 LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER...
Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw them.

CHILI # 6 - VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY...
Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I shit on myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone.

CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI...
Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI......
Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. poor feller, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?
Judge # 3 - No Report
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hahahahahahaha! I laughed the whole time and my office mate is looking at me like i'm retarded. That was hilarious

nd · Nov 30, 2007

TheMaster said: ↑

Unbelievable. Judge #3 must be ndcouch. Stupid nd.
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I love spicy food and put jalapenos on/in everything, although i have heard about texas chili and i'm not vain enough to think i could handle it with ease. I think i could handle some but i probably would end up like judge #3. I got a story about some hot wings i need to post in "redneck things to do" but will probably have to wait till next week since i'm bout to leave today

tacomaman06 · Nov 30, 2007

ndcouch said: ↑

I love spicy food and put jalapenos on/in everything, although i have heard about texas chili and i'm not vain enough to think i could handle it with ease. I think i could handle some but i probably would end up like judge #3. I got a story about some hot wings i need to post in "redneck things to do" but will probably have to wait till next week since i'm bout to leave today
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oh hell yeah....i gotta hear this one here!!! i got a story about wings too.

im going to post mine!!

TheMaster · Dec 1, 2007

ndcouch said: ↑

....i probably would end up like judge #3.
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That's what I said, you great American idiot .

concrete jedi · Dec 1, 2007

OMG ! That's funny ! I am printing that one for work.

vivafire · Dec 12, 2007

Show the judges to my coworkers and they bust out laughing!

yota17 · Apr 18, 2009

"If you hear a redneck exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" Stay
out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say."

Got to agree with that,,hahaha...dont know how many times me and my buddys have said those words and ended up in the emergency room..
Most recent we laid in a field with a predator call at night..waited till there were coyotes all around and went after them with buck knives and machetes..lol..killed some coyotes but a couple people ended up with a few missing body parts and chunks of meat missing out of there ass..hahahaha..

and when i tried to race a car with my horse.. got thrown ontop of another car

"17. A Mercedes-Benz is not a status symbol. A Ford F-150 is."
o and fuck ford

Lane Cypert · Apr 18, 2009

Holy thread revival!

fletch aka · Apr 18, 2009

sataco said: ↑

yes it's all true, i can't tell you how many push ups i did in basic training for saying y'all to the drill instuctors!!!! and despite what you see on king of the hill real texans don't BBQ with propane, thats just outdoor cooking!!!
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Delmarva · Oct 19, 2012

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Welcome to Tacoma World!

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tacomaman06 Carolina Alliance: Enforcer

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nd Radical Town. It's a hell of a place!

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nd Radical Town. It's a hell of a place!

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nd Radical Town. It's a hell of a place!

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Welcome to Tacoma World!

Moving to Texas?

#181 TheMaster Born to Ride

#182 Toy4Life 668: The Neighbor of the Beast

#183 2003greenbean Carolina Alliance Costal Div

#184 sawdust Unapologetic Texan

#185 vivafire Well-Known Member

#186 tacomaman06 Carolina Alliance: Enforcer

#187 nd Radical Town. It's a hell of a place!

#188 nd Radical Town. It's a hell of a place!

#189 nd Radical Town. It's a hell of a place!

#190 tacomaman06 Carolina Alliance: Enforcer

#191 TheMaster Born to Ride

#192 concrete jedi Well-Known Member

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#196 fletch aka www.BeLikeBrit.org

#197 Delmarva Mayor of TW

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#181
TheMaster Born to Ride

#182
Toy4Life 668: The Neighbor of the Beast

#183
2003greenbean Carolina Alliance Costal Div

#184
sawdust Unapologetic Texan

#185
vivafire Well-Known Member

#186
tacomaman06 Carolina Alliance: Enforcer

#187
nd Radical Town. It's a hell of a place!

#188
nd Radical Town. It's a hell of a place!

#189
nd Radical Town. It's a hell of a place!

#190
tacomaman06 Carolina Alliance: Enforcer

#191
TheMaster Born to Ride

#192
concrete jedi Well-Known Member

#193
vivafire Well-Known Member

#194
yota17 Member

#195
Lane Cypert Well-Known Member

#196
fletch aka www.BeLikeBrit.org

#197
Delmarva Mayor of TW

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