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New office policy at work

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Discussion' started by 05 X-Runner, Dec 26, 2008.

  1. Dec 26, 2008 at 3:18 PM
    #1
    05 X-Runner

    05 X-Runner [OP] Murdered X

    Joined:
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    Brett
    Napa, Nor-Cal. Whine Country U.S.A
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    BSP 05 X-Runner, 07 TRD Sport Super White
    HVM C/F X-Runner badge 1 of 6 made,P/C'ed black rims,Blacked out Billet Grill,BLHM,HID's,Tinted tail covers, Fog light mod,BFLM,C2C Black eyelids,,C2C 1.75" Front drop 2" rear,C2C Hoodstruts,URD Shortshifter,URD T-CAI.Custom Coupe shiftball, NST Manifold Spacer.. 07 TRD Sport Super White,De-badged,White headlight Mod,Fog light mod,White tail light mod,C2C white eyelids, C2C hood struts
    Hope this isnt a Re-Post.. Thought it was funny :laugh:. Saw this on XR-U


    DUE TO THE CREDIT CRUNCH, THIS IS YOUR NEW OFFICE POLICY - EFFECTIVE
    DECEMBER 1, 2008

    Dress Code:
    You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
    If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will
    assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
    If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better,
    so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a
    raise.
    If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and
    therefore you do not need a raise.

    Sick Days:
    We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If
    you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

    Personal Days:
    Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called
    Saturdays & Sundays.

    Bereavement Leave:
    This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead
    friends, relatives or co-workers.
    Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral
    arrangements in your place.
    In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral
    should be scheduled in the late afternoon.
    We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and
    subsequently leave one hour early.

    Bathroom Breaks:
    Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet.
    There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.
    At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll
    will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.
    After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company
    bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders' category.
    Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the
    company's mental health policy.

    Lunch Breaks:
    Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so
    that they can look healthy.
    Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
    maintain their average figure.
    Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
    needed to drink a Slim-Fast.


    Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a
    positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments,
    concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations,
    insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation
    and input should be directed elsewhere.
     
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