1. Welcome to Tacoma World!

    You are currently viewing as a guest! To get full-access, you need to register for a FREE account.

    As a registered member, you’ll be able to:
    • Participate in all Tacoma discussion topics
    • Communicate privately with other Tacoma owners from around the world
    • Post your own photos in our Members Gallery
    • Access all special features of the site

Prayer for my Marriage

Discussion in 'Personal & Emotional Support' started by NwiTACO, Jan 31, 2014.

  1. Mar 19, 2014 at 12:37 PM
    #41
    slcsez2000

    slcsez2000 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2012
    Member:
    #82775
    Messages:
    7,274
    Gender:
    Male
    St Aug, FL
    Vehicle:
    12 TRD Sport 4x4
    Exterior: -Current Suspension- Icon extended travel front struts w/ 700lb coils Icon extended travel Remote Resi rear shocks Dakar leaf pack Icon Tubular UCAs with covers Icon neoprene shock covers -OEM Roof Rack -2 fold down cup holders in bed -Bed bottle opener -Access lite rider roll up tonneau cover -AFE Prodry air filter -Pop and lock bed lock -Rear differential breather relocation mod (behind tail light) -Aeroturbine 2525XL Muffler Armor: -SOS Concepts bolt on sliders W/ kick out -SOS Concepts aluminum front bumper with full hoops -SOS Concepts Rear HC Bumper -SOS Concepts IFS/Mid skids
  2. Mar 19, 2014 at 12:38 PM
    #42
    95 taco

    95 taco Battle Born

    Joined:
    May 3, 2012
    Member:
    #78175
    Messages:
    17,466
    Vehicle:
    2003 4x4 TRD SR5 auto
    OME 883 front, OMD 3.5" rear, Relentless front bumper, smittybilt 9.5K winch
    Praying for you Mark, I can't imagine how tough this is for you.
     
  3. Mar 19, 2014 at 12:59 PM
    #43
    4runnercaged

    4runnercaged Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 15, 2012
    Member:
    #84863
    Messages:
    1,748
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    cody
    arizona
    Vehicle:
    LOL
    98 toyota tacoma, stock
    mark, you're in my thoughts and prayers.
    i really hope it works out for the best for all 3 of you.
    keep your head high man, and wheel on!
    nature is the minds medicine.
     
  4. Mar 19, 2014 at 12:59 PM
    #44
    NwiTACO

    NwiTACO [OP] Big tars, little/no bed.

    Joined:
    May 19, 2009
    Member:
    #17416
    Messages:
    4,427
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Mark
    Indiana
    Vehicle:
    05 TRD Sport
    Custom Everything, 1 Ton Axles F & R
    Thanks guys. Forgot to mention tomorrow is our wedding anniversary too. Gonna be an exceptionally tough day.

    I just don't know how I can work on my marriage when she's not here...I can work on myself, and trust me I am, but my marriage? She won't even talk to me on the phone.
     
  5. Mar 19, 2014 at 1:01 PM
    #45
    skidooman

    skidooman I'm your huckleberry

    Joined:
    Apr 6, 2011
    Member:
    #54438
    Messages:
    5,603
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    TJ
    Northern Nevada
    Vehicle:
    19 Taco
    Kings, JBA, BAMF, C4, Deaver, Prinsu, TJM, SnugTop, 5.29s
    Prayers sent.
     
  6. Mar 19, 2014 at 1:04 PM
    #46
    4runnercaged

    4runnercaged Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 15, 2012
    Member:
    #84863
    Messages:
    1,748
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    cody
    arizona
    Vehicle:
    LOL
    98 toyota tacoma, stock
    honestly mark, i dont mean to sound like a debby downer, but it seems your doing everything you can, and its almost like shes giving up. like she wouldnt read that book even when your counseler recommended it. and just up and leaving without talking to you first.
    please dont be too hard on yourself. you are doing everything you can to make it right, and that is all you can do.
     
    bongwhisperer likes this.
  7. Mar 19, 2014 at 1:09 PM
    #47
    fenderpicks

    fenderpicks Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 10, 2013
    Member:
    #108031
    Messages:
    799
    Gender:
    Male
    I don't really participate in any type of religion.
    So if i said "You're in my prayers", It kind of don't have a purpose.

    However, I truly hope that your marriage will work out and the sunny days will be upon you very soon.
    I myself, although not married. I am currently with my GF whom i once had believe that she would be the one for me, as i HATE changing. When i find comfort with someone and somewhere. I want it to stay like that forever until the day i die. So i can some what relate, it just sucks that things don't work out like the way we imagine and planned.

    But i truly wish that everything will get better soon on your end.
     
  8. Mar 19, 2014 at 1:11 PM
    #48
    NwiTACO

    NwiTACO [OP] Big tars, little/no bed.

    Joined:
    May 19, 2009
    Member:
    #17416
    Messages:
    4,427
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Mark
    Indiana
    Vehicle:
    05 TRD Sport
    Custom Everything, 1 Ton Axles F & R
    Thanks, I just keep thinking I could've done more. What I was doing wasn't speaking to her like she needed.

    I do think that there is a large lack of respect, and that obvious by not even bothering to include me in decisions affecting my daughter. I guess I haven't earned that from her either.

    I just know given the opportunity, I can love her like she needs, I know it!

    One thing I do know that continuing to speak love to her makes God happy, and is doing right by him, and that's truly what matters in this life.
     
  9. Mar 19, 2014 at 2:26 PM
    #49
    Mr Salty

    Mr Salty "Give up the good to go for the great"

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2011
    Member:
    #50297
    Messages:
    2,288
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Hermmy
    SoCal (Bro Capital of the world)
    Vehicle:
    White SR5 Pre-runner
    Lots of chrome
    Aside from having a child, which can easily complicate marriage, what has changed between the two of you? What does the parental involvement look like (your parents/her parents), is it good, bad, or nonexistent? How have your finances changed over the years, are you better off or are things getting tighter? I think we all know life (work, stress, kids, lack of time……) can stand in the way of marriage, perhaps things need to change to help improve life (ditching expensive hobbies could be an example).

    You mention working on yourself or working on giving her the proper attention needed, do you feel you have done a poor job at this? A lot of times the answer to our marriage problems (god knows I’ve had my own) is right under our noses. The success of the marriage then relays on how we handle these issues and or if they come to light too late; damage is done and respect went out the window 8 months ago before the apologies came pouring in.

    At some point all you truly can do is throw your hands in the air and work on being the best person you can possibly be, selflessness is often the key here.

    I feel terrible for you and know what you are going through and if a simple prayer would solve your problem you got another one coming your way.
     
  10. Mar 20, 2014 at 5:37 AM
    #50
    NwiTACO

    NwiTACO [OP] Big tars, little/no bed.

    Joined:
    May 19, 2009
    Member:
    #17416
    Messages:
    4,427
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Mark
    Indiana
    Vehicle:
    05 TRD Sport
    Custom Everything, 1 Ton Axles F & R
    Thanks for the thoughts and prayer.

    To answer some of your questions, I can't really pinpoint what's changed. We still do things together, things she wanted to do.

    Parental involvement in our marriage I thought was ok, basically none from her side (to the both of us, I think advice given to my wife though), and what I felt was real support from my family, although she has expressed otherwise, she feels the support from my family wasn't what it should have been. The problem is she doesn't trust me enough to be vulnerable with me. She doesn't share her feeling with me until after the fact, like what is happening now. I would love to make things better, but I have to know they are an issue in order to address it.

    Finances are pretty good. Not tight, but there's not much extra at the end of the month. I do well enough for us so she could stay home like she wanted to with the baby, and she does an extraordinary job to say the least. For the most part we live well within our means, and finances don't really cause us stress in our marriage, IMO.

    I felt I was doing a bang up job attending to her needs (as I was aware of them), and making her a priority in my life. I just said I didn't do a good enough job because if I did, it obviously wouldn't have come to this.

    I am focusing right now on me, and being the best man I can be, for the sake of my daughter, and hope my wife will see and realize what she is giving up.

    And every single prayer helps and means ALOT, again, thanks.
     
  11. Mar 20, 2014 at 7:47 AM
    #51
    45acp

    45acp Paint me back in Wyoming again...

    Joined:
    Aug 9, 2009
    Member:
    #20861
    Messages:
    6,704
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Jonathan
    Boring, Wisconsin
    Vehicle:
    1981 Long bed 4x4
    I think right now the biggest hindrances are the ideas she has already cemented in her head and outside influence (family/friends acting as the cheerleaders to her plight and further reinforcing those ideas and beliefs about your marriage).

    Not really sure what to say bud, wish I could help more.
     
  12. Mar 20, 2014 at 6:16 PM
    #52
    Mainmoe02

    Mainmoe02 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2013
    Member:
    #103047
    Messages:
    2,055
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Moe
    Austin, Texas
    Vehicle:
    01 Gold tacoma SR5 TRD
    3" lift EIBACH coils w/ 5100's front, OME/ Dakar leaf springs w/ toytec adjustable shackles at 1.5" and 5125's out back. 33x10.5x15 KM2's Relentless DIY steel bumper.
    I've been through the same situation Mark, and were praying for you and your family.

    From what I've read it sounds like she has her mind made up, which can make this a tough situation, especially with only one person putting in all the effort.

    If you don't mind me asking... How old is she?

    It sounds like the influence of friends and maybe family have been feeding the fire in her mind, But there's not much you can do to silence them. From experience... I'd say be there for her when she needs you but don't smother her trying to be the nice guy, give her her space, even if that means days or weeks at a time. Hopefully she will come to realize what she had in you, in the marriage, and in the family.

    I've been through this same situation, and for us being apart made us both realize what we had and what we took for granted in each other.


    I wish there was an answer to easily fix this type of situation. Stay strong mentally and continue to work on your self, not for you but for your wife and family. I know you can rack your brain with shoulda, woulda, coulda's but the past is in the past. All you can do is work on the present for a better future. We will keep you guys in our prayers.
     
  13. Mar 20, 2014 at 7:15 PM
    #53
    Razorecko

    Razorecko Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2009
    Member:
    #18125
    Messages:
    1,692
    Gender:
    Male
    Vehicle:
    '09 Pyrite DCLB TRD Supercharged
    I have to agree with a couple of the comments in here. I've been married going on 4 years now, knowing my wife about 10. Just had our 2nd child last month and I will say THE biggest threat to marriage that I have seen are single friends. As bad as it sounds it is usually more on the womens side as they for some reason tend to have a pack mentality and if one is in misery or in a certain type of situation than they all need to be in it and expand. I have a few single guy friends I see a couple times a year and a few married friends we see much more often. I feel like you see both of you in this togethor where as she looks at the situation more as herself and her support system (friends) against you. THE #1 thing that is the most important is the marriage between you two. If anything is allowed to get inbetween that. Be it family, friends than the rift will grow. In a way this quote represents it best , " It's you and me baby, against the world ". And thats how it is, friends leave, friendships are lost, family members move or pass on. In the end it is you, your spouse, your child(ren) and God. That is family.
     
  14. Mar 20, 2014 at 9:38 PM
    #54
    Eggbert

    Eggbert Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 26, 2013
    Member:
    #115320
    Messages:
    119
    Gender:
    Male
    PA
    Vehicle:
    '14 dcsb TRD OR Supercharged
    TRD Supercharger, MBRP DualCatback, DT Shortie Headers, Regeared with 4.56 ECGS 3rd and Clamshell, URD 2.55" Stealth pulley, AEM Methanol 5 gallon kit, URD Perf Thermostat, NST Lightweight crank pulley, URD 61lb injectors, Mishimoto Oil Catch Can, URD Fuel Pump upgrade, AEM Boost and Wideband gauges, OEM FPR Mod, RBP Black Exhaust Tips, Icon Stage 6, Fuel Octane wheels, Nitto Terra Grapplers 285/70/r17, Color match rear bumper, Color match hood with skewp, Color match grill, Color match valance, Derped grill emblem, Derped Tuffbar bullbar, OEM Skidplate, AVS Ventvisors, Bodyside Moldings, RBP RX3 nerf bars, Color Match Bushwacker Pocket Flares/Rivets, Undercover LE Tonneau, Katzkin heated leather, Bel Stir-Plus Radar, Sprint Booster, Dynamat/Hushpad, Polk dxi691 - front, Polk dx1651 - rear, Alpine KTP-445U Power Pack, Front tint 35 percent, Weathertech front mats, Smoked tail lights, LED DRLs, Coupe TRD Battery tie-down, Coupe TRD CAI Cover
    Praying for you, Mark
     
  15. Mar 28, 2014 at 9:23 AM
    #55
    NwiTACO

    NwiTACO [OP] Big tars, little/no bed.

    Joined:
    May 19, 2009
    Member:
    #17416
    Messages:
    4,427
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Mark
    Indiana
    Vehicle:
    05 TRD Sport
    Custom Everything, 1 Ton Axles F & R
    Just fyi I got a copy of this book and am doing the best I can from 200 miles away. Sometimes I get a response, sometimes nothing. But I am still trying.

    Today is 2 weeks. I haven't been able to talk to my wife yet, and when I have tried she seems very angry. I have seen my daughter 4 days out of the last 14 :( I miss my wife, my daughter, and my life.

    I have been going to a support group at church, and it helps immensely. If anyone is going through or knows anyone going through a similar situation, I recommend DivorceCare. Even if you're not getting or don't want to get divorced, attend. heck, attend with your friend for support.

    Anyways, I am still focusing on trying to show love to my wife, and doing the best job I can.

    Keep praying, God can and does work miracles. One good thing that has come from this is a better understanding of my relationship with God, and an ability to discuss it openly with others around me.

    Many tell me to give up and move on. I can't count how many times I have heard "Screw me once shame on you, screw me twice, shame on me."

    Well I am standing for my marriage, and I know I have turned my back on God more than a few times, and he is always there waiting simply saying "come home."
     
  16. Mar 29, 2014 at 7:54 AM
    #56
    Mainmoe02

    Mainmoe02 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2013
    Member:
    #103047
    Messages:
    2,055
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Moe
    Austin, Texas
    Vehicle:
    01 Gold tacoma SR5 TRD
    3" lift EIBACH coils w/ 5100's front, OME/ Dakar leaf springs w/ toytec adjustable shackles at 1.5" and 5125's out back. 33x10.5x15 KM2's Relentless DIY steel bumper.
    Keep at it Mark, your doing the right thing. Praying for you and your family
     
  17. Mar 29, 2014 at 7:55 AM
    #57
    BuzzardsGottaEat

    BuzzardsGottaEat Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 27, 2011
    Member:
    #55669
    Messages:
    8,434
    Gender:
    Male
    Vehicle:
    Some Toyotas
    Round tires
    Saying a prayer for you right now, brother. Keep seeking Him and growing from the trials.
     
  18. Mar 29, 2014 at 8:09 AM
    #58
    TACORIDER

    TACORIDER Just another statistic

    Joined:
    Jun 25, 2012
    Member:
    #81357
    Messages:
    5,986
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    JAKE
    EAST TAWAKONI TEXAS
    Vehicle:
    12 TACO and some other Toyota’s
    I truly hope it works out for all you, your wife and your daughter. I know you dont want to hear yall going separate ways is an option. Im the same way but at some point if things dont get better, or get worse your daughter will be able to notice it regardless if yall just stay together for her if one of yall are unhappy. I got to say Mark, not sure if there is anything your leaving out, but I got to applaud you for trying everything from counseling, books to asking a bunch of help from some of us idiots. You want this to work I know you want to break down wake up and to think it was a nightmare. You will get through this hurdle in your life for you it will seem like an eternity but you will. Remember Mark good things happen to good people but sometimes they have to go through some shit to come clean on the other side.
     
  19. Mar 29, 2014 at 8:19 AM
    #59
    CelsisTaco

    CelsisTaco Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 22, 2013
    Member:
    #108805
    Messages:
    995
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Anthony
    Des Monies, IA
    Vehicle:
    2011 DCSB
    2 inch lift. LED fog lights (Cali fab) Alpine head unit. Kicker door speakers. Skar subwoofer.
    Prayers sent your way buddy. I hope you both the best of luck, i'm sorry this happened to you-but hopefully it'll start too turn around!
     
  20. Mar 29, 2014 at 8:54 AM
    #60
    wesb1023

    wesb1023 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 8, 2011
    Member:
    #54586
    Messages:
    642
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Westley
    Eastern NC
    Vehicle:
    04 Double Cab
    I totally agree with this. Prayers sent up your way.... I went through this same thing a while back. My wife changed mentally after having our little girl. The only thing is, she hid all of her feelings. We ended up divorcing after I caught her in an affair. I wanted to work things out, but she didn't. This is not uncommon in women after giving birth. I wish I had done some research before all this happened, could've saved my marriage. May God be with you both....
     

Products Discussed in

To Top