Prayer for my Marriage

Keep fighting. Been with my wife 14 years. Shit's not easy and there is a lot of issues to get past. Men and women were not made to live with each other that's for damn sure but it can be done. Good luck.

 

I'm not a prayer guy, but I can say that I send my empathy your way. Having a god in my life during my first marriage seemed to do more harm than good. Not having a god in my second marriage meant that I used common sense and rationale and chose a better mate and now I'm as happy as could be.

Sometimes people just aren't meant for each other. It's harsh, but the truth isn't always easy.

 

Sorry for the short update last time. I really didn't feel like saying much at all out honestly. IMO things were getting better the last 2-3 months, it was almost great. I should have known something was coming. Then I had to travel a bit for work again and when I got back things are horrible. Like, "I don't even want you to come home" bad. I don't know what changed. The ups and downs are taking its toll on me. I called our old marriage counselor to see about getting an appt. Worst thing that can happen is I go alone right?

The hardest part for me is when I ask her what she wants, I always get "I want a happy marriage with you...I just know it cant happen." Of course it cant if you wont give it a chance...ugh. Today is really rough. Each and every day is so hard, I just want to stay home and "talk" all day to try to get somewhere but that doesn't help either.

I think is/will be key for us.

 

Hang in there buddy.

 

Still praying man.

 

Little update for you guys, we started counseling again with the same counselor from last time. We went together once and individually each once, and were supposed to go together again tonite but cant arrange childcare, so only one of us will be going.
We had a pretty ok weekend until yesterday afternoon, then went downhill pretty fast. I was really looking forward to going together to counseling. Its not getting any easier to remain hopeful. Neither one of us feels loved, or heard. Trying the Love Languages this go around, you guys recommended it highly so here goes. Thanks for those continuing to hold my marriage up in prayer, I can't thank you enough.

 

I went to a conflict resolution class that wasn't aimed directly at marriage but man did a bunch of stuff apply to it. I'll see what I can dig up from that class as far as literature and maybe send it your way. It was all about identifying yourself and your spouse on that 'crazy cycle' they called it, where you know you're spiraling but can't identify why, then calling it for what it is and talking each other back to the surface essentially. The whole process is incredibly loving and for folks who don't feel loved or heard, it could make a big difference.

 

Sounds like a big portion of the Love and Respect Book. Its all about the crazy cycle and how to stop it.

 

That's right they did have that in there. This is like that on steroids haha. Called the guy who did the class and he put me on their mailing list so I can pass that along to you. They also offer conflict coaching, which is a bit different than counseling and offers a bit more in depth approach to WHY these things are happening and helps people that way. The guy's a phenomenal counselor and coach, I'd highly recommend him. They do a lot of out of state work via phone and video. Could be a good option as well. http://conflictresolutioncenter.org/

 

Hang in there buddy!

 

Hang in there man, were still praying for you.

 

Hang in there for your sake and your kids sake. Lots of prayers goin to the big man upstairs!

 

X2

 

Praying for you.

 

Well I was informed last week after church that she filed for a separation...again. I need strength if I am gonna do this again...but wisdom for the moment. And peace that passes understanding, because I sure don't understand any of this. No talking about things, just bam. She wont reconsider or talk about it either. I guess I can try the love dare again, it worked before, maybe it can work again.

 

Dammit. I was rooting for a different scenario.

I've got a neighborhood couple that we're friends with that is separating. Sucks to witness.

Still

 

I'll delete this if you think it's too personal.

I can't remember if I mentioned it before, but I made some observations last time I visited. Keep in mind these are my own interpretations from an outsider's viewpoint, but sometimes that different set of eyes/ears is what you need.

The 'Principle of Least Interest' seems to be readily apparent.

I do not know if it was a conscious or subconscious effort on your part, but you often made it abundantly clear based on your body language and facial expressions that her behavior had a profound impact on your happiness which I believe helped solidify this psychological tactic in her day to day interactions with you.

Furthermore, it was obvious to me that you were trying WAY too hard. So much so, that no matter how much you truly meant what you said and did for her, she interpreted your efforts as insincere. This is because it is not necessarily your norm, your baseline, the person she's always known you to be. I don't mean to say you don't or have never put effort into the relationship, but that you are going so far overboard that she believes this new-found energy/effort you are giving is only a temporary, fleeting reaction to her loss of interest. I won't forget the eye roll she made behind your back during one of these situations. And in her mind, the moment she stops these threats of divorce/separation and hostility towards you, is the moment you stop making these 'insincere' efforts. Which again, helps solidify that psychological tactic.

Once she becomes bored with this... revolving door of her emotional drama(?) and manipulation/control of the situation, she decides it's time to end it entirely. Justifying her decision based on her perception of your 'insincerity' and perhaps even allowing herself to interpret her own actions of dragging this out as an effort to keeps things together. That she tried. Which seems to be where she's at now.

In my opinion, it'll take a completely different approach in order to break this cycle and make her realize you really do care.

You know you can call me anytime or I can come down if need be, bud. Let me know.

 

Try to work things out but forcing things and just being miserable together for the sake of the kids means it's time for a new path. Been there done this. It was better that we went our seperate ways and kids had 2 happier households. There is a point where futile fouls and nothing positive grows anymore. Not trying to be negative Nancy but realistic Ralph is hard to ignore. Important thing is still being there for the kids and they know they are not the cause. Still praying for things to work out for you and your family.

 

I commend your continued effort Mark.

I can't say that I would hang in there for even the life of this thread (going on 2 years) and I'd guess your first post in this thread wasn't the beginning of yalls issues. I'm not always an immediate gradification guy but, I do believe we are only given so long to live life and I refuse to worry about things I can't control.

Best of luck with whatever the outcome.

 

Still praying for you and your family.

I couldn't live like that (now divorced and remarried) and I wasn't going to let my daughter see how my wife was leading me around with no sign of caring for me. I concentrated on my daughter and ignored all the stupidity and it all eventually worked itself out. After being bled dry financially I didn't have anything she wanted and thus the divorce.

I was lost when I was with her and came back to Jesus after we were divorced.

Unequally yoked hurts ... Keep praying and stay strong in faith