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Qantas Pilots

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Discussion' started by MotoXFreeStyle61, Aug 9, 2008.

  1. Aug 9, 2008 at 4:17 PM
    #1
    MotoXFreeStyle61

    MotoXFreeStyle61 [OP] Displaced Texan

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    After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripesheet " , which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
    Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P); and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.: By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.


    P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
    S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.:

    P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. :
    S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.:

    P: Something loose in cockpit. :
    S: Something tightened in cockpit.:

    P: Dead bugs on windshield. :
    S: Live bugs on back-order.:

    P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. :
    S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.:

    P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. :
    S: Evidence removed.:

    P: DME volume unbelievably loud. :
    S: DME volume set to more believable level.:

    P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. :
    S: That's what they're for.:

    P: IFF inoperative. :
    S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.:

    P: Suspected crack in windshield. :
    S: Suspect you're right.:

    P: Number 3 engine missing some times. :
    S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.:

    P: Aircraft handles funny. :
    S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.:

    P: Target radar hums. :
    S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.:

    P: Mouse in cockpit. :
    S: Cat installed.:

    P: Noise coming from under instrument panel sounds like a midget pounding on
    something with a hammer.:
    S: Took hammer away from midget.
     
  2. Aug 9, 2008 at 4:25 PM
    #2
    humanoid

    humanoid bite me

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  3. Aug 9, 2008 at 4:59 PM
    #3
    MotoXFreeStyle61

    MotoXFreeStyle61 [OP] Displaced Texan

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    I want waiting for someone to blow holes in that.
     
  4. Aug 9, 2008 at 7:40 PM
    #4
    ForeRunner

    ForeRunner BBC. Bring Back Clarkson Staff Member

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  5. Aug 9, 2008 at 7:44 PM
    #5
    humanoid

    humanoid bite me

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    An exploded oxygen canister caused that hole, I'd classify that as an accident. Death would be called a tragedy.
     
  6. Aug 9, 2008 at 8:01 PM
    #6
    MotoXFreeStyle61

    MotoXFreeStyle61 [OP] Displaced Texan

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    Although I don't doubt that. Investigations take forever on these things. We probably won't see a written conclusive report for several months.
     
  7. Aug 9, 2008 at 8:07 PM
    #7
    humanoid

    humanoid bite me

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    concur :thumbsup:
     
  8. Aug 9, 2008 at 8:46 PM
    #8
    L8Rmike

    L8Rmike Well-Known Member

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    I use to see the same kind of discrepancy list for military A/C. I remember reading one from a C-130 report:

    1, 2 and 4 engines leaking oil.

    Signed off as, with in limits, #3 engine not leaking enough.
     
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