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Served Divorce Papers

Discussion in 'Prayers & Support' started by JGTacoma, Jul 24, 2016.

  1. Jul 24, 2016 at 12:21 PM
    #1
    JGTacoma

    JGTacoma [OP] Well-Known Member

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    Hello TW,

    So I was just served divorce papers. I have two young boys and it hurts me that I won't be able to be there for them nightly. Please help. I need all the support I can get.
     
  2. Jul 24, 2016 at 12:26 PM
    #2
    velillen

    velillen Well-Known Member

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    Stay strong! Just remember things will get better
     
  3. Jul 24, 2016 at 12:27 PM
    #3
    NorthwestCruiser

    NorthwestCruiser Well-Known Member

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    When one door closes another opens! You never know what opportunity will come up. Just give it time
     
    1truckdriver and JGTacoma [OP] like this.
  4. Jul 24, 2016 at 12:29 PM
    #4
    Plain Jane Taco

    Plain Jane Taco Rockin' it stock

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    Tough one man. I came from a broken home and it was not easy....but that was my mother and father's fault, as they made zero attempt to protect me or my sister from a lot of crap that happens during ugly divorces. As a father of 2...I can't imagine life without my wife and girls. Own up to any mistakes that might be yours and be as pleasant with the ex as you can when you or both of you are with the kids.

    Hang in there brother.
     
  5. Jul 24, 2016 at 12:43 PM
    #5
    BuddyS

    BuddyS Well-Known Member

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    You're far from the first person to go through this. Been there myself. And trust me, things can and will get better. I'm far happier now than when I was married to someone that wasn't happy. Just take things one day at a time, recognize new opportunities, and don't waste time and mental health beating yourself up over the past and things that you have no control over.
     
  6. Jul 24, 2016 at 12:59 PM
    #6
    dmharvey79

    dmharvey79 Well-Known Member

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    Kids are amazingly resilient and it will be tougher on you than it will be on them, they will adapt and do fine as long as you and your ex keep them the top priority through everything. Not an easy path but if you keep your head up and stay focused on a productive future you'll get through it.
     
    Lord Helmet and dtaco06 like this.
  7. Jul 24, 2016 at 1:10 PM
    #7
    El Duderino

    El Duderino Drove across the country twice in my socks

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    Stuff, things, this, an ADS
    And this to shall pass bro. Be as civil as possible and kill with kindness, so the former other half can't use anything against you in court. It's awful but remember there's brighter days ahead and stay strong for your children.
     
    JGTacoma [OP] and dtaco06 like this.
  8. Jul 24, 2016 at 1:51 PM
    #8
    JGTacoma

    JGTacoma [OP] Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for all the support so far! I need all the help and support I can get!
     
    El Duderino and dtaco06 like this.
  9. Jul 25, 2016 at 1:35 PM
    #9
    coffeesnob

    coffeesnob Well-Known Member

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    was this out of the blue or, did you see it coming?
     
  10. Jul 25, 2016 at 1:40 PM
    #10
    IronPeak

    IronPeak PermaLurker

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    On a pragmatic side, hire a reputable attorney, best of luck
     
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  11. Jul 25, 2016 at 1:52 PM
    #11
    eon_blue

    eon_blue 8" third member

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    Everything being said is great advice, I especially like what I quoted above.

    I haven't been married but been through a few tough breakups, the last one just happened this weekend for me. 2.5 years with my now ex, and she just called it quits. She was the first one I thought for sure I was going to spend the rest of my life with, too. We used to talk about it, planned it, etc. The last several months though have been tough, we started to grow apart to the point where things just became irreconcilable.

    I'm still reeling from it and know that I will be for awhile. I'm sure you are too, and I can't imagine how much harder it has to feel when marriage and children are involved. I watched my parents go through an ugly separation and eventual divorce several years ago. Myself and my siblings were all over 18 when it happened, so no custody battles, but it was still extremely hard and had it's own impact on each of us. Hard as it may be, try and stay strong for your kids. It was really hard for my parents to not bad mouth one another when we were around after the separation, and that was incredibly difficult for me. It made me feel compelled to pick sides and that constant back and forth took it's toll. Hard as it may be, try to remain civil about it when around your children. It really does affect them.

    So sorry man, but time is the great healer of all things. Try and stay busy, positive and focus on yourself (and your kids) and you'll get through this.
     
  12. Jul 25, 2016 at 2:00 PM
    #12
    big_jarv

    big_jarv Well-Known Member

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    Sorry to hear!
    Hang in there.
    Things will pan out in time!
     
    JGTacoma [OP] likes this.
  13. Jul 25, 2016 at 2:11 PM
    #13
    mwc273

    mwc273 Nothing is as it seems.

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    Just out of curiosity. Why do you assume she will get custody? Is the situation of your own making? I can only assume so since you were served.
    I got divorced 13 years ago when my wife and the mother of my only child had an early mid life crises and started dating the bass player in a band. She wouldn't come home for days at a time. I filed, not her, and won custody of my then 2 year old son. He has been with me ever since. She used to see him every other weekend. But since he's grown up, he's told her that once a month or so is sufficient for him.

    Life goes on. Long after the thrill of livin' is gone. John (Cougar) Mellencamp
     
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  14. Jul 25, 2016 at 2:18 PM
    #14
    cabo wabo

    cabo wabo Well-Known Member

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    Hang In There
     
  15. Jul 25, 2016 at 2:19 PM
    #15
    gainman

    gainman Semper Fi

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    Welcome to the club bro haha
     
  16. Jul 25, 2016 at 2:26 PM
    #16
    Beagler282

    Beagler282 Active Member

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    Get yourself a good attorney. Nothing is easy about it at all. Hope for the best but expect the worse. Sometimes it can go smoothly and others not so much.
     
    IronPeak likes this.
  17. Jul 25, 2016 at 2:27 PM
    #17
    mud island mudder

    mud island mudder Well-Known Member

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    I was in the same boat about 6 years ago. I knew things weren't perfect between me and my ex but it never is. My kids were young (2 & 4) at the time and one day she just told me out of the blue we needed to get a divorce and I need to find somewhere else to live while we go through the process. After 3 years dating in college and 8 years of marriage I didn't know what to do. At the time I was devastated and thought my life was over, it was really dark. I was drinking too much and acting like a loser and begging her to get back together. I'm re-married now and a million times happier. I really didn't realize that even though we didn't fight and stuff, we didn't belong together. We weren't happy and I should have seen that. I know it's hard now but things will get better, it's not the end. This might be the beginning of a better chapter in your life even if it doesn't feel that way right now.

    And try to be civil with your ex, you will have to continue to work with her for a long time. But don't be a wuss about things in the parenting plan like visitation and holidays. I gave her everything she wanted because I thought that might help win her back and that was stupid.
     
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  18. Jul 25, 2016 at 2:31 PM
    #18
    IronPeak

    IronPeak PermaLurker

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    2x on keeping it civil and as friendly as possible. Remember that now you are not together like before there isn't a chance sometimes to "cool off" and work out an arguement. Keeping mellow during interaction will work in your favor when it comes to resolving your visitation and other parts of the agreement. And definitely get aa attorney. Remember that her lawyer will be up in her ear trying to get as much as possible, you need a rep to counter his efforts.
     
  19. Jul 25, 2016 at 2:36 PM
    #19
    Plain Jane Taco

    Plain Jane Taco Rockin' it stock

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    My friend and his ex decided they were not getting attorneys and had everything worked out from who gets what to how the money was going to be split...even how much he was going to pay each month. Then a few days later she went out with some friends who promptly told her she should get a lawyer and "destroy him". She agreed and secured her own attorney, which forced him to get one too. They blew their savings doing that. However....in a little bit of karma....she (the ex) ended up with less of a divorce package overall than if she had stuck with the original plan....and with zero savings too.
     
    Last edited: Jul 25, 2016
    tomwil and dtaco06 like this.
  20. Jul 25, 2016 at 2:39 PM
    #20
    Boerseun

    Boerseun Well-Known Member

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    Sorry to hear man. I m not going to give any advice since I don't know anything about it, but be sure that many of us here feel the pain with you. I honestly wish we could help.
     
    JGTacoma [OP] likes this.

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