she died today, and i'm not bothered....

If you weren't close with the person, there's no reason to feel sad when they pass. If you felt bad every time someone died that you didn't know, you'd be in a state of perpetual grief. Sadness is all about the connection you had with the person so it's understandable that you didn't feel anything when she died because it seems you weren't close to her and felt she wasn't there for you when you needed her help.

 

This story kind of reminds me of my fourth grade teacher in 1976. She always seemed to be a very indifferent and uncaring. She was far different from my third grade teacher. Well, after the first 4 months of the school year, I really hated her. So in my 10 year old mind, I wished her to die....and she did! She died over Christmas break. I don't ever remember being upset about it.

 

I think you are feeling bad because you are not experiencing the same feelings as the others and feel you 'should'. You feel something, and that something is enough to bring you to write to us here. But it's hard to feel a strong loss for someone that wasn't there.

You have proved that you were able to grow up without her, and have provided yourself with a life that you are proud of. YOU did this with what you have learned through the years.

Her not assisting you forced you to go about it alone. So in essence she helped a little bit, and your feelings of "a little bit" are reflective.

A cup of sugar for a cup of sugar....

There's one thing though. Choose the way you will live with her passing. You can choose to let all of the past still bother you because of her lack of attention or you can choose to thank her in your heart for putting you in the position that made you survive.

Whichever you choose will provide its own consequences/rewards.

Take care

 

I don't remember anyone except for a couple close friends from HS, so I won't even know when anyone else, teachers or students, pass away. It was 8 yrs ago for me, and I never think about the people that worked at my HS, or the kids that went to school with me, that aren't my friends now.

How did you even find out she died? How do you know all the ex popular kids are crying? Either way people die all the time that you don't know and don't care about so don't lose sleep over it.

 

Yes it sounds as if someone has some definite issues...20 years ago?Damn get over it.