SOLD! [Bishop/BigPine, CA] REDUCED $400 Cash! 2016 O.R. wheels w/TPMS, Wrangler TrailMark

Hmmm... something I know absolutely nothing about.....

 

I’m sooorrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeee

 

No worries! I have an idea...

 

Hey, what do you call a deer with no eyes?

 

This thread is better than that crappy whatever thread I heard about.

 

No eye deer.

 

Oh, you mean the Whatever thread with elevenybillion posts??

 

What do you call the same deer with no legs?

 

??

 

Still no eye deer.

 

What do you call that same deer with no legs and no dick?

Still no eye fucking deer

 

You goofy bastards are cracking me up over here...!

 

OK. I usually save this gem for around the campfire but I like you guys so here goes:


A man was walking along a Florida beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it, and out popped a genie.

The genie said, "OK, You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month, and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three... You only get one wish!"

The man sat, and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I'm scared to fly, and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"

The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible!!!

Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete -- how much steel!! No, think of another wish."

The man said, "OK, I'll try to think of a really good wish."

Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive.

So, I wish that I could understand women, know how they feel inside, and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment. Know why they're crying, know what they really want when they say "nothing,", know how to make them truly happy."

The genie said, "Do you want that bridge to be two lanes or four?"

 

There is a load of truth right there...

 

This is one I have told a couple of times here on TW
The county fair was coming to town and there was to be a contest at the fair for fattest pig and talented animals.
Three brother farmers were excited and decided to enter their prize pig, but he needed fattening up. They had 3 weeks before the contest, the first week they gave her extra food morning noon and night and she added 10 pounds, which was fantastic. The second week, they gave her twice as much food as the week before and she gained another 15 pounds. The brothers were delighted, but felt they could have done better getting her to gain weight for the contest. The three sat around brain stormimg ideas on how to get her fatter. One said, "maybe, we can feed her some lead pellets. That will make her heavier." Another said, " how about we stick a cork in her ass?" The third agreed that was a great idea. They drew straws to see who would get the dirty job. After the cork was inserted and secured, they agreeed they should feed her as much food as she could eat in a week. This work extremely well the brothers thought. She gained so much weight she could barely be lifted into the truck.
Time for the contest arrived and the county fair opened and people came from all over to enter their prize pigs. The 3 brothers were 7th in line for registration. They finally registered and got their booth number. They spent the next 30 minutes looking for the booth andwhen they found it, they set up and unloaded their prize winner. About 10 minutes later, a gentleman with a monkey shows up and occupies the booth next to the brothers. The brothers introduced themselves and said they were here for the fattest pig contest. asked what he was there for? The gentleman answered, " i am here to show off how talented my monkey is", and proceeded to set up his booth.
The judging was about to begin and the brothers looked worried and hoped they would be judged soon. They judges moved their way through the rows of booths and the contestants. They made their way to the gentleman with the monkey next to the brothers. Thejudges asked what the monkey's talent was and the gentleman answered, my monkey can remove corks from wine bottles! The brothers looked at each other and began to squirm a little. The man went to pull a few corked bottles from his case and the monkey got away from him. The monkey ran directlyto the pig and removed the cork the brothershad placed in the pigs ass.
About 35 minutes later when the police were talking with the 3 brothers to get their statement....
They asked the first brother, "what did you see?"
The brother answered, "nothing but !
They asked the second brother, "what did you see?"
The second brother answered, " nothing but!
The police then asked the third brother, "what did you see?"
Third brother answers, "all i saw was that poor fucking monkey trying to put that cork back in that pigs ass!"