Thoughts?

Let me say first that I'm a father of 2.

But something about this rubs me the wrong way. How can we teach out youth to excel then discipline them for being "too good". I feel bad, not for the loosing team, but for the winning team.

Let's have a thoughtful, respectful discussion.

https://youtu.be/Y3cmqdzrjDg

 

Even in adult softball leagues there's usually a mercy rule. Personally, I think it is more embarrassing for a game to get called on the mercy rule than a blowout score. Personally I would prefer to keep playing. As long as kids aren't getting physically hurt, let them play.

 

The coach apparently asked the ref to throw a flag regardless. And he was clearly sprinting down the field trying to stop the little guy from scoring.

I've been on both ends of this with my daughters when they played soccer. I used the blow out loses as an opportunity to teach dignity in losing and respect for the other team who was clearly superior that day. That's just life.

The flip side of that was my youngest daughter's team one year that was dominant. They went undefeated and blew out all but one team. Some parents were in an uproar and asked the officials to stop keeping score when they play us. They petitioned against one of the grandfather's of the players who had "undefeated" trophies made on his dime because the league refused to acknowledge it due to pressure from opposing parents. That's ridiculous. Again....that's life.

But, just as I did with a bad loss or season, I used it as an opportunity to teach them about grace and humility in victory. And to always respect the other team....and to remember the sting of defeat that that team was feeling....and as they had felt themselves.

In life, there will be times when you're the victor. Show appreciation and grace and support those who may have helped in whatever it was. But life can quickly humble you, as there is always someone "better". Except defeat gracefully if you gave it all you had but were out done by someone superior. Learn from it. File it away. And knock it out of the park next time.

Youth sports are little microcosms of real life. These are the life lessons that I've always taught my girls.

 

Figured people would have more to say about this topic. Guess not

 

As a kid I played soccer. We all got trophies, and they didn't even keep a win loss record for each team.

On the one hand, I thought it was dumb then. On the other hand, I have very very little interest in team sports as an adult. Not sure if it's related.

It seems like they need to let kids learn the lessons they can learn, but some parents are too afraid to let their kids struggle. They're only doing them a disservice. And some parents push it way too far the other way, too.

 

I agree.

I'm not big on participation trophies. Maybe preschool age kids. But beyond that we have to start to teach children the value of hard work and discipline. Not just show up and you "win".

I'm really seeing the dividends now, especially with my oldest who will be 18 soon. Great kid....mature, responsible and understands failure will happen and that she can overcome that.

 

My senior you of high school we were beating a team 62-4 at half time in a basketball game. Their coach came to the locker room an asked our coach to take it easy the rest of the game. Our coach looked at him dead in the face and said no he would be doing both teams a disservice and not living up to the reason why we play sports and that’s in unsportsmanlike to not give 100% all the time. I will never ever forget that in my life. We ended up winning 92-8.
If you don’t like losing like that work harder for the next game is what our coaches instilled in us so the early days.

 

Struggle as a kid with a safety net and it's a whole lot easier to deal with as an adult without one.

Some people might say we should just let kids enjoy their time as children, which I agree with. But that does not mean handing them everything on a platter and keeping them rolled up in bubble wrap. I rather like my childhood scars, thank you very much.

 

I have 4 kids, all played sports throughout school.
T-Ball, Baseball, Softball, Lacrosse.
In little league a 10 run rule was always in effect.
In middle school there was no limit on scoring but the leading teams coach would usually start rotating second string or 1st year players in to get some experience and this would keep the score from being a complete blowout.

High school, in any sport, the gloves come off. Nobody calls off the dogs. Second string “might” come in the last couple minutes of the game to get some field time. But if it’s a local rivalry then that won’t even happen.

I personally think this is how sports should be handled in a child’s formative years. By high school the kids have been playing long enough to face a serious loss.

I am the last person on earth to want an “Everybody gets a trophy” day. But at the age these kids are a blowout serves no purpose.

Telling a 5 year old to “Tuffen Up” “Play Harder” in that context is asinine.

Having said all this, I also think it would be asinine to fine that team, it obviously wasn’t deliberate.

 

Good discussion fellas. I appreciate everyone's input.

As a father, my primary role is as a teacher and protector. But being a protector doesn’t mean I place my children in a glass box though. It's about knowing when to allow them to go a bit beyond their abilities and even fail when necessary....all the while keeping them from completely buckling.

When they do fail, you help them figure out why and build them back up. It's helped to make my oldest daughter who she is today. She gave me the most amazing birthday card this year.....telling me all she's learned from me. It was very special to me.

My youngest daughter is still a work in progress. She's not quite as robust as her sister. So I have to handle her a little differently. I push her in different ways. But I build her back up often. She feels very secure with me and trusts me. So she's knows I'm always there....her biggest, albeit ugliest, cheerleader

 

I've got 2 daughters as well, and neither of them were ever interested in individual or team sports. Well, at least not regular sports -- they both love playing competitive video games so I guess e-sports are their thing. So, as a father, I haven't had to deal with the trend of participation trophies, which is good because I totally don't get that. And in gaming, there are no participation trophies.

When I was growing up we moved almost every year (we spent 2 years in Denver one time), and playing baseball for me meant always being on the scrubs team -- the team made up of the new kids, the kids not good enough for the established teams to pull in, or kids that haven't been playing since t-ball. We named our team The Bombers back in 6th grade because we knew we were going to bomb, lol. Anyway, we rarely won, but when we did, it was a BIG deal and we were so elated. I wouldn't trade that feeling or experience for anything. An easy win doesn't even come close to giving you that feeling.