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Tools Explained

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Discussion' started by brianr, Jan 24, 2009.

  1. Jan 24, 2009 at 12:51 PM
    #1
    brianr

    brianr [OP] go shit in your hat

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    BUILT, not bought...


    DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching
    Flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the
    Chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the
    Freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner
    Where nothing could get to it.

    WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere
    Under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes
    Fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time
    It takes you to say, 'Oh SH-- '

    ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their
    Holes until you die of old age.

    SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

    PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation
    Of blood-blisters.

    BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor
    Touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

    HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board
    Principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable
    Motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more
    Dismal your future becomes.

    VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt
    Heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to
    Transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

    OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various
    Flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the
    Grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing
    Race.

    TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood
    Projectiles for testing wall integrity.

    HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground
    After you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack
    Handle firmly under the bumper.

    BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops
    To cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit
    Into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of
    The outside edge.

    TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength
    Of everything you forgot to disconnect.

    PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under
    Lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil
    On your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip
    Out Phillips screw heads.

    STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used
    To convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and
    Butchering your palms.

    PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or
    Bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

    HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.

    HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays
    Is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts
    Adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

    UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of
    Cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly
    Well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic
    Bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic
    Parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in
    Use.

    DAMN-IT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage
    While yelling 'DAMN-IT' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most
    Often, the next tool that you will need.
     
  2. Jan 24, 2009 at 1:26 PM
    #2
    pittim

    pittim mittip

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    Respect your elder gen.
    Pink slider.
    Awesome! +Rep
     
  3. Jan 24, 2009 at 1:32 PM
    #3
    RoyB

    RoyB Well-Known Member

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  4. Jan 24, 2009 at 1:35 PM
    #4
    brianr

    brianr [OP] go shit in your hat

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    RATS!

    Sorry everyone.


    I have my ticket for the failboat.
     
  5. Jan 24, 2009 at 2:26 PM
    #5
    HerNameIsLucy

    HerNameIsLucy I miss Lucy. :-(

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    She's gone but not forgotten.
    I just went through that this morning! Briggs and Stratton now appears to believe if the starter pull cord on a pressure washer engine breaks you should throw the engine out and get a new one. They riveted the damn assemble on! Ended up using the DAMN IT tool (good ol' Dremel tool) to grind the heads off.
     
  6. Jan 24, 2009 at 2:29 PM
    #6
    wildjerseyfirefighter

    wildjerseyfirefighter I sell fishing and fishing accessories

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    stock, for now
    ahh..thats every day for me. I had a matco tools tool cart, and i had alot of "god damnit" dents in the top. lol
     
  7. Jan 24, 2009 at 2:30 PM
    #7
    Killer Red Taco

    Killer Red Taco NorCal Rock Whore

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    BFE–Norcal
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    007 Tacoma A/C TRD O/R Impulse Red 4x4
    Bilstein 5100 on front at 1.75 setting • 5100 on back• K&N Air Filter• TRD Seat Covers• Day Time Running Lights• Foglights Anytime• Hella 500 lights in grille• Rear TSB Springs• Alternative Locker Mod• CB and 4 ft firestick II• Billet Grille• Kid puke in the back!• 265/75R16 Goodyear MT/R• 16" Devino wheels• Hose Clamp Mod• Revenge Fab Sliders• No Sway Bar• A Hottie as Copilot
    I really don't care if it was a repost, i loved it every bit of it applies to me in the shop.
     
  8. Jan 24, 2009 at 2:39 PM
    #8
    Delmarva

    Delmarva Mayor of TW

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    Nada, Zip, Zilch, Nothing
    lol.... 'twas funny :D
     
  9. Jan 24, 2009 at 3:29 PM
    #9
    ImpulseRed008

    ImpulseRed008 Gone But Not Forgotten

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    Susan
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    08 PreRunner SR5 V6 w/tow pkg
    OEM SS tube steps, Access LE tonneau cover, pop n'lock, AVS in-channel vent visors, stubby antenna, Wet Okole seat covers, bed mat, rear diff breather mod, 4 extra d rings in bed, K&N air filter.
    I had that problem with an old lawnmower. Once I took it apart and replaced the cord, it never rewound correctly again....
     
  10. Jan 24, 2009 at 3:33 PM
    #10
    ImpulseRed008

    ImpulseRed008 Gone But Not Forgotten

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    OEM SS tube steps, Access LE tonneau cover, pop n'lock, AVS in-channel vent visors, stubby antenna, Wet Okole seat covers, bed mat, rear diff breather mod, 4 extra d rings in bed, K&N air filter.

    You just need to learn the secret to taking those horrible little rivets out... :D
     
  11. Jan 24, 2009 at 4:14 PM
    #11
    Krazie Sj

    Krazie Sj Resident Jackass

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    Power Serge
    LV-426 (Acheron)
    Vehicle:
    07 TRD Off Road 4x4
    Borla Catback Exhaust, Airaid Short Ram Intake, 285x75R16 Mickey Thompson MTZs, 16" Konig Countersteer rims, ARB Bumper, All Pro LT w/Walker Evan Shocks front and back, All Pro expedition leaf pack, 10,000lb Superwinch, Intake Manifold Spacer, Bed Rack with ARB RTT, Rotopack and Hi Lift mounted, Husky Liner mats and an air freshener from 1995.
    That was good. Nice find.
     
  12. Jan 24, 2009 at 4:18 PM
    #12
    chris4x4

    chris4x4 With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine. Moderator

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    FlimFlubberJAM
    Tenoe, AZ
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    2013 Rubicon Unlimited,
    4.10 gears, sliders, and lots of buttons.
    Yes. With the torch. :D


    Or hammer.......
     
  13. Jan 24, 2009 at 5:12 PM
    #13
    HerNameIsLucy

    HerNameIsLucy I miss Lucy. :-(

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    Equador. Don't know why.
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    RIP Lucy.
    She's gone but not forgotten.
    I worked at a lawn equipment shop briefly when I first moved to Florida. Got pretty good at those. They're still a PITA though.
     
  14. Jan 27, 2009 at 7:55 AM
    #14
    nd

    nd Radical Town. It's a hell of a place!

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    07 TRD Off-Road 4x4 debadged
    De badged, 5100's, Black Toyota Baja wheels
    that was hilarious
     
  15. Jan 27, 2009 at 8:23 AM
    #15
    Roland

    Roland My other ride has sails

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    UnderCover Tonneau, Bed mat, Bug Deflector, aFe Pro Dry S, Secondary Air Filter removed, Synthetic 5W-30 oil, Scanguage II with blendmount, WeatherTech floorliners, Toyota seat covers, Installed OEM intermittent wipers, TacomaWorld sticker, Defrost without AC mod, Hidden Hitch
    I'm disappointed. I thought you were going to explain ND to us. :wink:
     
  16. Jan 27, 2009 at 8:36 AM
    #16
    PatHLC128

    PatHLC128 College.

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    OME complete 3" kit, 265/75/16 Cooper STTs, Pro Comp 7089 wheels, Shrockworks sliders, UWS Low Pro Toolbox, AFE Pro-Dry S, OEM Bedmat, Ventvisors, Husky Liners, Tint, De-badged
    nice, brings back memories of the airframes shop when i was a Marine.
     
  17. Jan 27, 2009 at 8:43 AM
    #17
    missileman125fw

    missileman125fw Well-Known Member

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    I couldn't stop laughing when I read the hacksaw definition!
     
  18. Jan 27, 2009 at 9:30 AM
    #18
    nd

    nd Radical Town. It's a hell of a place!

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    De badged, 5100's, Black Toyota Baja wheels
    better men than you have tried!
     
  19. Jan 27, 2009 at 2:54 PM
    #19
    brianr

    brianr [OP] go shit in your hat

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    AHHH BURN....

    Sorry Roland, I thought ND being a tool was self explanatory!


    :D
     
  20. Jan 27, 2009 at 3:00 PM
    #20
    TacoNut

    TacoNut IgnoringChrisWatchingEdLi veVicariouslyThroughMJP2

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    ND- A tool. Also seems to be attracted to other men who are tools.



    There ya go :D
     
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