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Tools Explained.

Discussion in 'Garage / Workshop' started by TnRedNeck721, May 3, 2014.

  1. May 3, 2014 at 2:45 PM
    #1
    TnRedNeck721

    TnRedNeck721 [OP] GO VOLS!

    Joined:
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    First Name:
    Zach
    TN
    Vehicle:
    07 TRD off road 4WD
    No mud flaps, plasti dipped emblems, and rear bumper, Weather tech digital fit, Bed mat from tractor supply. Pioneer 4400BH head unit. B.A.M.F bed rail tie downs. AVS vent visors.
    Saw this on another forum a while back and got a good laugh at it, and i find it pretty true. Though this could be a cool thread on here since so many like doing their own work, So Lets here your thoughts and stories that may go along with these.

    Tools Explained


    DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

    WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light . Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh sh--!'

    SKIL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

    PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

    BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

    HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

    VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

    OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.

    TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

    HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

    BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

    TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

    PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

    STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

    PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

    HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.

    HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

    UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

    SON-OF-A-***** TOOL: (A personal favorite!) Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a *****!' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.

    Hope you found this informative.
     
  2. May 3, 2014 at 9:16 PM
    #2
    Newlife

    Newlife Well-Known Member

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    Adam
    Knoxville TN
    Vehicle:
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    iPad mini 2 w/ retina in dash, Alpine amp and subs, avs window visors, 3" omelift with bastard pack, full synthetic fluid swap, 15% tint all over, debadged all the way around.,two cree led pods near windshield,50'' up top, and pods in lower bumper , Katzkins grey and barracuda red leather interior all around. Wrangler MTR's 35" . American out law buckshot 16x9. Bruteforce Fab rear bumper. SOS concepts front bumper. Engo 10000s winch And a bunch of other money tied up in it,
    Found my son of ***** tool tonight. I was cutting the u bolts down so I could torque them and got my hand in between the shock and u bolt. Ripped my finger up really nice held my cool until I got in the house and then saw the blood.
     
  3. May 3, 2014 at 9:26 PM
    #3
    Taco'09

    Taco'09 Well-Known Member

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    COIL SPRING COMPRESSOR: Widow Maker
     
  4. May 4, 2014 at 4:13 PM
    #4
    TnRedNeck721

    TnRedNeck721 [OP] GO VOLS!

    Joined:
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    Gender:
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    First Name:
    Zach
    TN
    Vehicle:
    07 TRD off road 4WD
    No mud flaps, plasti dipped emblems, and rear bumper, Weather tech digital fit, Bed mat from tractor supply. Pioneer 4400BH head unit. B.A.M.F bed rail tie downs. AVS vent visors.
    I have seen some bad videos of spring compressors breaking and hitting stuff/people.
     
  5. May 4, 2014 at 5:09 PM
    #5
    Fire Taco Fighter

    Fire Taco Fighter Well-Known Member

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    that's freakin classic....I gotta print that out and hang it in the shop
     
  6. May 4, 2014 at 5:12 PM
    #6
    xaqori

    xaqori I need gas money

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    Marietta, Georgia
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    '06 4x4 Limo
    ARB lockers and 4.88s front and rear, OME 886s, Dakars, etc., Safari Snorkel, 17"Fuel Revolvers w/ 35x12.50r17 KM2s, fenders cut 3" all around, Pioneer AVH-P4400BH w/ Backup cam, CB/PA (PA Installed), Weathertech Digis, Foglight anytime, AP: front bumper, skids, and pack rack, custom sliders, Warn 9.5XP, dual VIAIR 480Cs with a 2.5gal tank, OTRATTW switches galore, URD y-pipe, RCI skids, LF 240s, etc.
  7. May 4, 2014 at 5:21 PM
    #7
    smmarine

    smmarine Well-Known Member

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    Melbourne FL
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    Detroit truetrac, LED off-road lights front and back, HID headlights, LED parking, interior, license plate, and reverse light bulbs, 2003 tail lights, Cobra 19LTD Classic CB w/ 102" whip, deck plate mod
    Love it haha
     
  8. May 5, 2014 at 8:53 AM
    #8
    Evil Monkey

    Evil Monkey There's an evil monkey in my truck

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    Robert
    Escondido, CA
    Vehicle:
    07 4x4 DC SR5 TRD Off-road
    Weathertech front & rear mats, rear suspension TSB, Toytec AAL for TSB, Hi-Lift Jack, Bilstein 5100 & Toytec Adjustable coilovers, Built Right UCAs, KMC XD 795 Hoss Wheels, Definity Dakota MTs 285/75R16, Leer XR, Thule Tracker II & Thule MOAB basket
    Brain: a tool used in wood working to memorize a dimension and automatically subtract one inch just before your cut.
     
  9. May 5, 2014 at 9:19 AM
    #9
    TnRedNeck721

    TnRedNeck721 [OP] GO VOLS!

    Joined:
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    Member:
    #52731
    Messages:
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    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Zach
    TN
    Vehicle:
    07 TRD off road 4WD
    No mud flaps, plasti dipped emblems, and rear bumper, Weather tech digital fit, Bed mat from tractor supply. Pioneer 4400BH head unit. B.A.M.F bed rail tie downs. AVS vent visors.
    thats also thru! I try and make a mental note to cut stuff longer just because of this. I can always go back and cut it shorter if i need to.
     
  10. May 5, 2014 at 9:52 AM
    #10
    smmarine

    smmarine Well-Known Member

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    First Name:
    Sean
    Melbourne FL
    Vehicle:
    99 Tacoma Prerunner SR5
    Detroit truetrac, LED off-road lights front and back, HID headlights, LED parking, interior, license plate, and reverse light bulbs, 2003 tail lights, Cobra 19LTD Classic CB w/ 102" whip, deck plate mod
    Measure twice, cut once haha
     
  11. May 7, 2014 at 6:19 PM
    #11
    Gieser

    Gieser Official Flatlander

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    MB, Canada
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    06 tundra yamaha edition
    scion Head Unit and magnaflow muffler...so far
    haha i need this in my garage lol
     
  12. May 8, 2014 at 4:36 AM
    #12
    taco47001

    taco47001 Newborn

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    3" Lift (Billies 5100 front and back), Toytec springs, All Pro 3" Standard Pack, LR UCA's, Diff Drop, SCS F5's, 265/75/16 Treadwright Wardens, Rear Diff Breather, pinch weld mod, Morimoto Projector retro w/ amber halo's, grey wire mod, Elite front bumper....so far....
    Printed and Laminated....thanks for the laugh.
     
  13. May 25, 2014 at 9:37 PM
    #13
    4banger4x4

    4banger4x4 Probably should'nt have done that.

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    i havent laughed that hard in a long time
     
  14. Jul 13, 2014 at 8:03 AM
    #14
    Dangerdave

    Dangerdave Buy a Jeep and TW folks lose their minds

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    I couldn't quit laughing

    This is perfect. Printing it out and laminating it as well
     
  15. Jul 13, 2014 at 8:32 AM
    #15
    theredofshaw

    theredofshaw Well-Known Member

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    Tailgate Anti-Theft Weathertechs Wet Okoles TW Sticker! Pop N Lock Handle TonnoPro Tri-folding cover
    This is going up at work lol
     
  16. Jul 13, 2014 at 8:54 AM
    #16
    TurdTaco13

    TurdTaco13 cuz my life is dope and I do dope shit

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    Abq
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    6" BDS Lift, 18x9 XD Addicts, 35x12.5 Trail Grapplers, Aero Turbine 2525 muffler with turndown after the axle, AFE Stage 2 CAI
    This is amazing. Definitely worth of printing large scale and hanging it in the garage!
     
  17. Jul 13, 2014 at 7:01 PM
    #17
    MTopp

    MTopp Professional bear handler

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    North NJ
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    trifecta tonneau, pop n' lock, Depo black bezel headlights, mb 352 wheels, 265/75r16 cooper at3s, visors, colormatched 2011 grille with raptor LEDs, much LEDs in and out Future/wanted: black valence, hood scoop, catback, CAI, 285/75r16s, OMD leaf pack mod
    Love it
     
  18. Jul 25, 2014 at 6:22 PM
    #18
    Smashing

    Smashing Well-Known Member

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    Shortly after this I look at my wife and tell her I guess I need a new one of those....
     
  19. Jun 6, 2015 at 9:22 AM
    #19
    replica9000

    replica9000 Ich bin Offiziersbursche!

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    Southern New England
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    WRENCH: A tool commonly used for involuntarily punching nearby nuts and bolts.
     
  20. Jun 6, 2015 at 9:32 AM
    #20
    taco 2011

    taco 2011 Well-Known Member

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    Chris
    Alabama
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    2011 Toyota Tacoma TRD SR5
    Westin Bull guard,predator nerf bars, Window Tint Legal limit, Weather tech Floor mats, Weather tech smoke visors, Wet Okole seat covers, OEM Roof Racks, Reverse Camera, Pace Edwards Full Metal Jack Rabbit Cover,Dyno power locking tailgate Trd alloy wheels, Dunlop at tires JL Stealthbox, JL custom fit molding kit, Directed Audio 500 watt amp, LCI adaptor. More mods to come.
    :rofl:Putting this in the shop, thanks for the laugh op!
     
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