What would you do?

My real dad who I have not spoken to in over 25 years just requested friendship via facebook.



Please help / advise

 

Poke him

 

I wouldn't do it. If there is a serious reason why you two haven't spoken in 25 years, then keep it that way. I haven't spoken to my real father in 10+ years. Bruises and physical scars last only a few months, but psychological scars last a lifetime so contacting him is just going to resurface buried memories, and its just going to cause unnecessary emotional turmoil.

Unless.....you need closure and want a relationship with your biological father. If you are content in you life, and have ABSOLUTELY no desire WHATSOEVER to forge a relationship, then don't accept. Mull it over.

 

See if he will be in your mafia...or maybe see if he will play farmville with you.

 

Accept him.

 

I guess only you can answer that question. You know the history and if you want anything to do with him in your life. Sorry but that's all I got.

 

Would you feel comfortable calling and talking to him? If so add, if not write him a letter??? idk, Personally I do not add family members that I dislike, (uncle that stole inheritence, cousin that is a DB, etc)

 

facebook....really....

 

Do not do it. In that situation he is reaching out for something. He needs or wants somethings. You have done fine so far without him. Just carry on without him. Remember he wasn't there for a good reason.

 

way i look at interactions with people, treat them as if they could die at any moment from now, always leave people on good terms and never leave angry, because you never know when your final goodbye may be

i have no idea what your situation with your father is, maybe he is trying to reach out and finally step in his role and get to know his son, maybe he is sick, hell maybe he wants something from you.

I'd add him, see how it works out, it may open a new found relationship with your father, if it doesnt work you can always block/delete him

my 0.02

 

Accept him, let bygones be bygones, be a friend at first and IF it progresses good, if not its ok.

 

sometimes it takes family members a LONG time to realize that they fucked up in some sort of way (be it a huge life changing event or a few small things) and this could be his first attempt to come to peace with whatever he did and make a mends. id accept and message him, see what he wants. if its not anything good its pretty easy to say fuck him and block him.

 

Man i dont know what to say im great with my family and i wouldnt know what to think......This may sound bad but there is always the block button it things dont work if you do add him....sorry i cant be much help.

 

Can't answer that for you, it's a personal call.

If it were me, the first thing I would consider is how I would feel after I decide rather or not to allow contact. Which ever way I went (contact or no) I would not want to regret it later in life.

 

thanks for the replies all !!
(sorry to offend the facebook haters, maybe it's time you get with the program and come out the closet)

I still don't know what I am going to do.


Basically my parents divorced when I was 12, Never saw or spoke to my father since then. He was in the USAF, a senior master Sargent at that time. I now see that he lives in Manila, Philippines ..... that's really all I know.

It's weird, more curious then anything, probably best I just don't mess with it now. But I do value your options and thoughts, ty

 

My take on it is this; if I haven't spoken to someone (family member or former friend) in 10+ years then I keep them in the past.

 

It's a tough call for sure. There are a lot of things spoken between parents that the kids don't get to hear during and after a divorce. Maybe something between him and your mom made him feel that he'd be unwanted in your life.

Or perhaps when he left he just wanted to keep everything behind him and is now realizing that he messed up.

Either way, he looked for you. There must be a reason. I'd be curious to no end what the reason is if it were me. And also why it's taken 25 years to make the move.

I say accept him. Do it expecting nothing out of it and take your time. If there is a relationship there time will reveal it.

 

ask 4chan

 

If you haven't talked in over 25 years, why start now?

Unless you have some deep down desire to talk to your father, I'd let it slide.