Whatever

Tell @NoOne about it.

 

fine I won’t say a word to anyone about how you get worms

 

You can say anything you want, I am listening.

 

fine since you want to hear all the stuff…


You know what really grinds my gears, Lenny? Life. Just life in general. One day you're a kid eating paste and watching cartoons, and the next thing you know you're a bald, overweight, underappreciated safety inspector with three kids, a mortgage, and a car that makes a sound like a dying raccoon every time you turn left. I didn’t sign up for this, man! I mean, maybe I did, but I was definitely half-asleep and there were probably donuts involved.

Back in my day—which was like, the 70s or maybe the 60s, depending on what year the writers decide it is—things made sense. You worked a little, you goofed off a lot, and you got paid just enough to buy beer and fireworks. Now everything’s got to be “responsible” and “eco-friendly” and “HR-approved.” Pfft. HR? More like No-Fun-R. Am I right?!?

And what’s the deal with vegetables? They’re in everything now. I can’t even eat pizza without someone sneaking a bell pepper on it. “Oooh, it adds crunch!” Yeah? So does gravel, but I don’t want that on my food either. And don’t get me started on salad. Marge keeps making me eat kale. KAAALE! That’s not food, that’s a punishment! It’s like spinach’s evil twin that never got hugged as a child.

You know what we need? We need to go back to the basics. Burgers, beer, bacon, BEER. The four food groups. Back when I was a kid, you didn’t need ten different kinds of milk. Now it’s “almond milk, oat milk, soy milk…” You know what almonds don’t have? NIPPLES. YOU CAN’T MILK AN ALMOND, LENNY!

And everything is so dang expensive! Gas costs more than the car. A hot dog at a ballgame is like ten bucks now. For that price, I want it served to me by Babe Ruth himself! And don’t tell me to eat at home—I tried cooking once. Caught the microwave on fire. Twice. Same day.

Kids these days don’t even appreciate the art of the nap. Bart thinks I’m lazy. Lazy? I’m a professional recharger. I’m conserving energy! It’s not easy being this out of shape—you gotta work to maintain it. And speaking of kids, Lisa's always talking about climate change and global warming—hey, I like it warm! Less snow to shovel. More excuses to wear flip-flops. Everyone’s like “The planet’s in danger!” Well maybe the planet shouldn’t have parked in front of my driveway! Ever think of that, smarty pants?

And don’t get me started on technology. Every time I figure out how to use the remote, they go and change it! There’s like, seventeen buttons and none of them say “on.” What kind of sick game is that? I just want to watch Itchy & Scratchyand fall asleep in my underpants. Is that too much to ask, oh mighty techno overlords?

I miss the simple pleasures. Sitting on the couch. Falling asleep on the couch. Waking up and realizing you’re still on the couch. That, my friend, is the American dream. Not this “hustle culture” junk. I hustle for one thing—nachos.

Look, I might not be a smart man, or a good man, or a hygienic man—but I know one thing: beer is cold, donuts are warm, and Mondays are the worst. That’s science, baby!

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go lie down. Talking for this long has made me dangerously close to exercise.

Mmm… lying down…

 

Thanks for sharing
And I agree whole heartedly about kids nowadays, our past is just memories.

 

My buddy that had the tornado damage is in the process of getting a new garage

 

So I retire from the army and move to Arizona but where in Arizona? Do I find the job first? Do I move and rent and explore and apply? What do I do with all my shit in nasty Delaware? When do I move it. Gahhhhhhh

 

Yes

 

Wheres your home of record?

 

No like! Hope you get over it quickly.

 

Lots of this is covered in your out Processing briefings. Dunno what your job entails but usually if you are near AFB like Luke or Davis monthan theres job opportunities there.

 

Process of elimination in a blindfold troubleshooting is my bad dream!

 

Rent and explore. I personally prefer the higher elevations in AZ, Sedona, Flagstaff, etc.
Maybe look at something like Pods for moving/storage.

https://www.pods.com/

 

nasty ass Delaware

 

I have a pod in Arizona with a whole container full of shit.

im about to have 2

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TK_FiRm6ZK8