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Wife's first deployment since being a mother.

Discussion in 'Military' started by Meaty, Feb 24, 2019.

  1. Apr 30, 2019 at 5:41 PM

    DayTripper85 Well-Known Member

    Apr 11, 2019
    2005 Tacoma DCSB Off Road
    I deployed for 12 months when my son was 1. I returned when he was 2 and was talking. The best thing you can do is put a few pictures of mommy by their bed/crib. When you put them down for the night make sure to always say goodnight to mommy. My wife did this and upon my return he was super excited to see me, and we have since had a wonderful relationship. Just do what you can, and realise that when communication is rough, or you are worried to not let your child see it. It does them no good. Your wife will have some slight adjustment period but you guys will be fine.

    My wife just deployed to Afghanistan for her second time now , and this time around he is 9 and I'm doing the best I can.

    Smoke and Prayers Brother!
  2. May 1, 2019 at 6:06 PM

    Meaty [OP] Well-Known Member

    Jan 3, 2019
    First Name:
    2019 SR dcsb 4x4
    Yeah, thankfully his memory seems ro stellar. My #1 concern is her readjustment and his connection with her. Im jist gonna drink lots of beer and buy way too many truck parts.
  3. May 20, 2019 at 2:14 AM

    Oni831 Member

    Sep 21, 2017
    I was active Corps, Air Guard now, the wife is Active AF. It's definitely not easy, especially since she's in GA and I'm in Cali for work.
    She's pregnant now and stuff like this always goes through my mind.
    I did 7 years active with 2 deployments to Afghan, so I'm numb to this type of stuff.
    I'm worried how she will take her first deployment though.
    Like I've been telling her though, it's part of being in the military .
    Just gotta keep on keeping on
  4. May 20, 2019 at 3:00 AM

    kodiakisland Well-Known Member

    Feb 17, 2012
    NW Arkansas
    12 AC 4x4 2.7L 5MT
    5100s/1.6in eibachs, wheelers AAL, OME N182 rear shocks, 4.56s, Detroit truetrac, 255/75/17, SOSConcepts sliders
    Yeah man, been there, done that. Went through it both ways. I'm out now but my wife still has two years left. Now we are dealing with our own childrens deployments. My son just got back from Afghanistan last week. I could have been in country during the same time, but I definitely didn't want my wife at home by herself.

    What was tough was the readjustment to family life on the back end. The little things. You get used to doing things a certain way when you're the only parent, and then have to adjust to having two parents sharing in the parenting. Sounds simple, but it can be tough and stressful for a bit.

    I'm not sure how to say this without sounding like a dick, but now that our kids are grown, my wife deploying for a short tour is almost like a mini vacation for me. I have the house to my self and can basically do whatever I want for that time. I miss her greatly and count the days until she gets back, but still, I don't mind the bachelor time.

    I'm sure you will both do fine. Parenting is tough. Specially if done right. With grown kids I look back and wish I had not missed as much as I did. I always enjoyed the home life part of it though. Getting to braid my daughters hair before school every day. Cooking them breakfast and supper. I loved it. I'm picking up my son at the airport later today and getting a few weeks with him to see how he is after his deployment. I plan to ride motorcycles with him every day and go shoot guns and take the dogs to the river etc. Can't wait. Military life is hard on everyone, but I guess if you do it right your kids will continue it, whether you want them to or not.

    Also, reserve life can be harder than active. My wife and I have done both. While on active duty, we had more resources and a lifestyle that made time apart easier. Reserve life doesn't have the support and you usually have more commitments and less understanding. If you need to vent, this is a great place to do it as many have been through it before and know how tough it can be. Again, though, the fact it worries you makes me think you and your wife will be fine.
    Last edited: May 20, 2019
  5. Sep 26, 2019 at 9:12 AM

    smartbomb rcvr/xmtr

    Mar 27, 2011
    usually northwest of you
    2006 4-door prerunner long bed
    3" suspension lift, hard canopy, light bar in hood, ditch lights, aircraft cargo bars, powdercoated steel spares, desert tires, bed cargo bars (for rifle cases), misc interior doo-dads
    I don't know if this is
    still relevant, it's an older post.

    being married while deployed is just being married.

    that being said, don't forget to do stuff like have dates. internet connections make it easy to talk and see each other, but it can also add stress if your deployed spouse is aware of the stressors you're experiencing back home. that means back home you have to handle problems so she doesn't have to worry.

    ideas to help stay connected:

    write letters. girls like letters. pour your heart out on paper and hit it with some of that cologne she likes. she'll save it in a box somewhere forever. emails aren't personal, you can't hold it in your hand, and they're delivered via machine. a letter? your hand hit that paper and she knows it. she'll remember it.

    dates. do them. go on one. send her a care package with something you can both share. and here's the strongest part of it, have her set the date and time, complete with time change. it could be 3 am, but you'd better show. otherwise it doesn't mean as much

    and then you can both sit down and watch that cheesy romantic comedy you both like. and bonus if you can wrangle skype at the same time. snacks or a simple just-add-hot-water dinner are additional ideas. stuff you know she likes will really win here, the more familiar the better

    hand made stuff is best, it shows you put in work and set aside time to get it done. it's all about showing that you've still got them on your mind

    but if something new pops up, don't be afraid to add that too. I once remarked that I love how I could see all the stars where I was. the next thing I know, she's sending me every sky and telescope magazine she can lay her hands on. i know all about the stars now, and just thinking about that makes me think of her

    just show her you're thinking about her
    Last edited: Sep 26, 2019

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