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Terrorist Threat Levels Explained

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Discussion' started by Killer, Mar 7, 2011.

  1. Mar 7, 2011 at 2:55 PM
    #1
    Killer

    Killer [OP] Well-Known Member

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    From the BBC - by John Cleese.


    ANNOUNCEMENT

    The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent
    terrorist threats and have therefore raised their security
    level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though,
    security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or
    even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit
    Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly
    ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from
    "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the
    British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in
    1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

    The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off"
    to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other
    levels. This is the reason they have been used on the
    front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

    The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its
    terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher
    levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was
    precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's
    white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's
    military capability.

    Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and
    Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more
    levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change
    Sides."
    The Germans have increased their alert state from
    "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing
    Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels:
    "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."

    Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the
    only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of
    Brussels.
    The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to
    deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass
    bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at
    the old Spanish navy.

    Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level
    from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Three more
    escalation levels remain: "Crikey!","I think we'll
    need to cancel the barbie this weekend," and "The barbie
    is cancelled."

    And finally Canada is at "That's not nice and please stop"
    threat level, and has passed a bill in the House of Commons to
    never raise the level any higher so not to offend the terrorists.
     
  2. Mar 7, 2011 at 2:57 PM
    #2
    BrokenTusk

    BrokenTusk I support a velociraptor free workplace.

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    Haha thats awesome, on a slightly serious note though, I was travelling through the minneappolis airport and I kept hearing the announcement.

    "TSA have raised the threat level to Orange"

    anyone have any clues on that?
     
  3. Mar 7, 2011 at 2:59 PM
    #3
    98tacoma27

    98tacoma27 is gooder 'en chicken Moderator

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